DOCTOR, THEY LIE ABOUT TAXES, WARS AND HEALTH CARE, IS THERE

[Daanyeer]

Doctor, they lie about taxes, wars and health care. Is there no one I can trust?

Source: http://www.lodinews.com/articles/2009/0 ... 090902.txt


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The therapist and the patient have a meeting of the minds:

T: What brings you to my office?

P: I have feelings of being exploited by others. I believe there is constant deception around me. I question the loyalty and trustworthiness of people who are supposed to have my best interest at heart.

T: When did you first notice the symptoms?

P: I think it started with Bush 41 when he said: "Read my lips. No new taxes."

T: Are there other incidents in your life that have triggered these symptoms?

P: Well, there was Bush 43 when he said, "Mission accomplished." Lately, it's been Barrack Obama, saying he won't ration my health care. But it's the name-calling and the put-downs that are really getting to me.

T: What do you mean?

P: Well, Nancy Pelosi called me "un-American." Harry Reid said I am an "evil-monger," and Barney Frank said talking to me is like talking to the dining room table.

T: How does this make you feel?

P: Powerless, helpless, small — like I am a non-entity.

T: Does that make you angry?

P: Yes. Very much so!

T: What have you done so far to cope with this situation?

P: I've tried to ignore them. But if I have the radio or TV on, they are everywhere. There are even commentators agreeing with them. I try to drown out their voices by playing old Dixie Chicks CDs, but I can still hear them. I pick up the paper to read the local news, and there they are — right between a gay marriage story and one about a St. Anthony's spaghetti dinner.

T: Are you doing anything else to adjust?

P: I thought maybe I would save some money and take a vacation in the Middle East. But I can't save enough because the dollar loses more and more of its value every day.

T: I think you have some serious pathology going on here.

P: What do you mean?

T: You are delusional. You don't even know these people and they don't know you. Why are you taking these comments as directed toward you?

P: I just know they are — and why are you taking their side?

T: You're overreacting. Everything will be just fine.

P: Oh, yeah? Well what about the trillions in debt I'm going to have to pay?

T: Don't worry. That bill is going to your children and grandchildren. I think some medication is in order here.

P: What do you have in mind?

T: An anti-psychotic would be helpful. It will cloud your thinking so that the delusions will cease.

P: Will I still be able to think?

T: No. That's the good part. You'll be just like many other Americans.

P: OK. I'll try it. Will the government health care plan pay for it?

T: I don't know. I always take cash payment up front, preferably in gold coins. You see, I just don't trust those guys in Washington.

Steve Hansen is a Lodi writer and satirist.

[Kinetic]

That is America for you, greatest country on God's Earth.