THE UNREAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS !!!!!

[Daanyeer]

By Jerry Mazza
Online Journal Associate Editor


Jan 3, 2011, 00:18



The so-called Real Housewives “reality” series, airing in the US on cable network Bravo has delivered the Real Housewives of Orange County to show us a juicy slice of California decadence, an RH from Atlanta (GA), presumably to prove that affluent black housewives can be equally real/unreal, an RH from Washington, D.C., to prove why the government must fail, one from the bada-bing bada-boom Housewives of the New Jersey shore for new insights into Tony Soprano and friends, and of course, now playing is The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, a gold stone’s through from Rodeo Drive and an orgy of excess. Yaga!

Wiki bills The Real Housewives of etcetera as they “follow the lives of relatively affluent, bourgeois housewives and professional women (not to mention self-described ‘alpha women’) in the suburban or urban areas of several American cities. . . .” Oh but it’s so much more, and less . . . Could they really be real? Are they the real class of super-rich locusts that sit atop America, their hubbies its top 2 percent of earners, getting all those Bush tax cuts, the doctors, hedge funders, football stars, lotharios, while their women cut each other up, wondering whose husband or boyfriend is sleeping with whom?

Wiki continues, “The title is a play on the television series Desperate Housewives, which provided the base concept for the series. However, the premise of the fictional series, detailing the life of one suburban neighborhood, is not applied to the ‘real series,’ where the women can be either next door or several miles apart in their respective regions, but still are close friends or in overlapping social circles (as some of the subjects are antagonistic to each other).” Got that? They’re everywhere, arguing like crazy for more, more love, more money, more everything!

What’s more, focusing on these real/unreal top earners provides fantasy images for women of average or fewer means, unsettling their abilities to cope with what’s really happening in a society with 10 percent plus unemployment; a crumbling financial system, a national deficit approaching $13 trillion; a huge transfer of wealth due to a regressive tax system, leaving the rich richer and the working and middle classes and the poor poorer. Their images of opulent self-indulgence are attractive to viewers. Yet, The Real Housewives, bankrupt of any interest in the common good, reduce social consciousness and political realities to shopping. The “me” is Queen Forever.

In fact, a review of a recent episode of RHBH, should give you an idea (or wave of nausea) about the absolute idiocy, narcissism, opulence, trashiness, and complete incredulity of these women, who consistently dress, make up, and look like hookers straight off Sunset Boulevard. And, in fact, some of them are, or ex-Playboy models, stick figure fashionistas, ex-strippers, etc. But darling, they don’t remind me of any housewife I know, and that’s for real. Gloria Steinem, Bella Abzug, Betty Friedan, where are you now to speak up?

For instance, the episode titled “The Dinner Party from Hell,” went something like this (and don’t bring me down if you’re looking for a plot here besides women cutting each other to pieces) . . .

Mark O. Estes wrote, “Last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills gave us the most crazy dinner party since Teresa’s table toss from season one of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. While no tables were thrown this time around, psyches were scarred and psychics attacked. It was a bag of mixed nuts and no one left unscathed in some sort of fashion.

“Let’s begin with the hostess: Camille Grammer [ex of Kelsey]. She knew what she was setting up as soon as the morsel of an idea for a dinner party sparked in her head. She had D.D. as her co-conspirator, but conjured up THE Allison DuBois, who the recently cancelled show Medium is based on, as her attack dog, not expecting what was to come. While prepping for the party, Camille told Taylor beforehand that Allison could be a bit much once she gets a lot of alcohol in her. So what does Camille do? She makes the most alcohol infused cocktail known to man and serves it to Allison on a silver platter; basically, pressing the ‘Detonate’ button on a time bomb. Later when the stage was set, Camille decided to get the ball rolling by going after Kyle’s plus one, Faye Resnick, by calling her out on a Playboy job Faye had done awhile back. Then all hell broke loose.

“While most of the women were bickering (Lisa and Adrienne kept their mouths shut during most of the argument), the clear standout in the fracas was Allison, who went total Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist’ on the women by spewing such hate and bile that people are still collecting their wits afterwards. It was as if Allison had channeled all of Camille’s anger and magnified it, or better yet, she was Camille’s anger personified, which could be just as lethal it seems. Then there is the whole deal with Allison’s e-cigarette, which trumps Cynthia’s friend contract from Sunday night’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta, hands down. That thing was too much and signified Allison’s eligibility to either draw a monthly check or be certifiably crazy. The experience was pretty traumatizing, but that’s just the half of the iceberg.”

You can get the other half of this iceberg on your own. Now, you’re saying to yourself, why is this writer breaking my chops over some dumb TV show? Well, there are five of them in the series, running in prime time in heavy schedules, in syndication and projecting an image of women that I find denigrating, cheap, vapid. The portrayals of the men aren’t much better, like Johns with wedding bands, too much of everything, too little upstairs, with kids who look at their parents like they’re from Mars. What those kids have to endure, pet ponies for birthday presents, more catered food than an average town in Afghanistan, more gifts than they and you and I could carry to hell for penance, i.e., for this dark side of America, that is, if any of this is true and not scripted/improvised trash purely for escapist TV. That said, my article could stop right here.

But, I believe these people, even as cutouts are obscene. These are the two percent of the earners getting the Bush tax cuts. These are the $250 grand-earners times 10, 20, or ex-number of times, to whom money is no object, to whom there are no realities except their images in the mirror: is my skin too loose, too tight, wrinkled, how will I ever make it through the day without a snort of coke? These are the people whom we are supposed to aspire to?

And how can these hollow women and men have any idea how full of real pain the world is? For instance, an article from Common Dreams, Terrorists by Association, comments about the Justice Department targeting nonviolent solidarity activists. This is very real . . .”September 24 began like any other Friday for Joe Iosbaker and Stephanie Weiner. Then, at 7 a.m., FBI agents knocked on the door of the Chicago couple’s house in the city’s North Side.

“Joe Iosbaker, a Service Employees union steward, and Stephanie Weiner, a Palestinian solidarity activist, [were] at home in Chicago. The FBI used their porch as a staging area before the September 24 raid. Watch the In These Times’ video interview with the couple in their home. The article begins . . .

“Armed with a search warrant, more than 20 agents examined the couple’s home, photographing every room and combing through notebooks, family videos and books, even their children’s drawings. Some items were connected to their decades of anti-war and international solidarity activism, but others were not. “Folders were opened, letters were pulled out of envelopes,” says Weiner, an adult education professor at Wilbur Wright College. “They had rubber gloves and they went through every aspect of our home.

“Ten hours after their [the FBI’s] arrival, as television news crews filmed and activist supporters stood on the sidewalk the agents drove away with nearly 30 boxes of material, including t-shirts and a photograph of Malcolm X. By that time, Iosbaker and Weiner had been served subpoenas to appear before a grand jury investigating ‘material support’ for ‘foreign terrorist organizations.’ And they knew theirs wasn’t the only home invaded that day. More than 70 FBI agents had raided seven residences in Chicago and Minneapolis and questioned activists in Michigan, California and North Carolina, serving subpoenas to 11 people. A few days later, the Justice Department subpoenaed members of the Minnesota Anti-War Committee (AWC), whose office was also raided on September 24, raising the number to 14. (Editor’s note: five additional Chicago-area activists were subpoenaed in early December; see update below.)”

Could the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills understand the reality of the FBI up their yin-yangs when they started to argue, get drunk, smoke dope, and get totally smeared?

So why not create The Real Activist Couples of Chicago, getting accused of terrorism, hit by the FBI for being activists? What cable network will carry that? Or can the Beverly Hill babies imagine California totally broke? As in $2tn Debt Crisis Threatens to bring Down 100 Us Cities . . . It reads, “Overdrawn American cities could face financial collapse in 2011, defaulting on hundreds of billions of dollars of borrowings and derailing the US “economic recovery.” Nor are European cities safe – Florence, Barcelona, Madrid, Venice: all are in trouble. So, how about a series, The Real Housewives of the bankrupt Cities of the US? Will we get our share of audience? Can they retire on the royalties of the reality reruns? Is it fiction or non-fiction, with a huge crew filming every nuance of so-called “spontaneous” action and reaction?

The glaring absence of reality makes The Real Women series look like they’re at an orgy in a B-Movie of Nero’s Rome, which is burning down as their president plays the violin with the orchestra of Bush tax-cut proponents and more laissez faire mess-ups. In fact, imagine them realizing that Halliburton profits are up despite the oil spill . . . Or is real “news” way beyond these babes? Believe it or not, it says . . .

“Halliburton, services provider for the energy industry, has announced a big jump in profits despite its involvement in the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster.” WTF?

“The Texas-based company said profits for the last three months rose by 83 percent compared with last year.” How did that happen if not by corruption?

“Halliburton’s share price rose as much as 5 percent in early trading on Wall Street.” J-H-C!

“It said the US suspension of deepwater drilling is expected to hit profits, but land-based oil and gas operations remained profitable.” Well I’ll be soused.

“Halliburton was in charge of sealing BP’s Macondo oil well before it exploded in April.” And undoubtedly had a hand in making it happen because fixing it and cleaning it up is a helluva lot more profitable than pumping the oil.

“Following the suspension of drilling in the region, the company has started moving people and equipment out of the gulf.” Can you feel that in your tummy tucks, my bulbous tweeters?

“The performance beat most analysts’ expectations, with net income totaling $480 million for the three-month period between April and June.” Will you drink to that?

Well now, that calls for The Real Housewives of the Gulf Coast series, with these poor souls coming to terms with losing homes, families and environment. It ties into the next reality: Rebuild or retreat: US debates evacuation of Gulf coastline . . . The subheads read: Another Katrina cannot be prevented, plan concludes cash earmarked to buy up 17,000 Mississippi houses . . .” Oh wow, that can’t be. But it is. Could it be another blockbuster, high concept series? The Real Housewives of Mississippi! Here y’all is the scenario . . .

“The United States is working on a multi-billion-dollar plan to depopulate vast swaths of coastline along the Gulf of Mexico in a move which it is hoped would help re-establish a natural barrier against the catastrophic flooding caused by the likes of Hurricane Katrina. So now, it’s The Real Housewives of Catastrophic Katrina. Yeah, that’s catchy. There’s more to this plot, baby, than meets the eye, all that screaming, shooting at each other in the streets, bodies floating, property stolen for poor people, a royal screwing.

“In the first sign that the federal government is favoring a retreat from the coast rather than rebuilding, the Army Corps of Engineers is to present to Congress a radical plan which includes rebuilding the wetlands that have been disappearing at an ever-accelerating rate in recent years.” So wipe out the land and leave the Gulf for drilling? Ladies, what do you think? C’mon, don’t hold back girls. Let’s see those fangs. Or is reality too much for you? The plot goes . . .

“The Corps, the engineers responsible for protecting the coastline, has been working on the plan since Katrina struck in August 2005. President George Bush promised after the floods to rebuild New Orleans and other Gulf communities.” Right and he promised “No child left behind,” and he’d never drink again. What say you girls? Got an opinion? You always do.

The USG wants to wipe ’em out, off the map, the face of the earth. The Real Housewives of the Gulf Coast will be gone from prime time, from the Gulf, from being a thorn in BP, Halliburton, Bush, or Obama’s side. It’s clear sailing for The Real Housewives and Husbands of the Corporations involved in the 9/11’ing of the Gulf Coast. Hey, somebody call Spike Lee. He’d like to hear about this. Maybe he’ll shoot it, make a guest appearance, and tell them what’s happening, pure, unadulterated treachery. You lose I.Q. points just to hear it, read it, see it.

So, back we go from this reality check to the collagen-lipped, Botoxed, lipo-sucked ladies of the original series, and back further to Desperate Housewives. Is that why they were desperate? Did they know what a shuck America was and is? Did they know what an absolute con the “American Dream” was and is? All there is to this series is looking like a whore, acting like one, or her John? Did they all know there is no love that money can’t buy? Buy, either for a person, a child, a mate, your country, your faith? Do these fleshy Barbie Dolls with their boobs popping up from push-up bras, hemlines to their asses, standing on heels about to crack their ankles, know all they want iss a little attention from their bored-looking, opportunity-and-quim-hunting husbands, boyfriends, or both?

Did they know it was all dust, to be blown away next day, tomorrow the last, as the Empire crackles and burns and falls in pieces into the wind, like the exploding BP rig? Can they feel it like the color of their new lipstick? Hot pink.

Did they know, it’s just this minute, this dinner party, this drunk, this argument, this banality that accounted for their being on earth, oh grand cake of horseshit. Muzzle me. I’m dying from the toxic fumes of American life. Shut that goddamn TV, honey. Your eyes are dulling. You’re falling asleep. You’re not them. They’re not you. They are over the rainbow, on the other side of reality and what it means. And never, no more shall the twain meet, hopefully. Amen.

Jerry Mazza is a freelance writer, life-long resident of New York City. An EBook version of his book of poems “State Of Shock,” on 9/11 and its after effects is now available at Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com. He has also written hundreds of articles on politics and government as Associate Editor of onlinejournal.com.

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