SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED..........

[Du$ty]

HELWAA, I Will Find A Husband, A Good Brother For You Inshallah. Stay Positive Sister And Your Time Will Come.

“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”

[al-Baqarah 2:216].

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516).

You should note that what you have to do is to be content with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.

Do not let the whispers of the accursed shaytaan affect you and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur’aan and adkhaar and du’aas. Attend lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you will be able to relax and find peace of mind. Always comfort yourself with the words of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999).

Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than many of those who are married.

May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others!

Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you that you are alone and without a husband and children?

Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you are unfortunate, or that you are deprived?

Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your sense of sadness and sorrow.

You have seen only one aspect of this family’s life, but there are many other aspects that you have not seen.

Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage.

If you sit with a divorced woman who laments her fate and says that she regrets having married, and you listen to her as she complains about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered.

If you think about what thousands of wives are suffering and what may others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with, this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not being married.

This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah, as I told you in the previous message.

Remember your friend’s complaints about her husband yelling and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that.

Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her husband beat her and hurt her.

“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur'aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary thereon.

“Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf (interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46]. I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds.

“I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things.”

Sister Umm Yamaan adds:

“But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah.”

Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.

But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for us the generation that we want.

But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of Allaah. “The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest.”

So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one another to adhere to truth and patience. “Surely, Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]” [al-Tawbah 9:120].

[HELWAA]

bow

[DisplacedDiraac]

It seems like you're dead stuck on wanting to file for a divorce.. But have you thought of the consequence divorce will have on your life i.e your children and so on..
Divorce isn't something you should rush into. Talk to him, communication is key walaal..
And if he wont talk to you than get your family involved, don't mention divorce to your parents/family, tell them you and your husband are going through a rough time *like all relationships* and you need their help, I guarantee you, he'll start talking! There's no pressure like inlaw pressure!!

If that doesn't work than separate from him for a while.. Divorce should only be a last resort!!

Plus make dua for your husband... and for your marriage!

[KingMJ]

He has been away on business for the three months in another country, he always travals for finanically reasons. which is fine.
But its his behaviour that bothers me for example not calling us or not answering his phone when i call him. And the lies........for example he will say 'i am coming back on that date' and he doesnt.
At the beginging we had great marriage and he was honest and hardworking. especially when we had first baby. he there was all the time. but second baby and while i was pregnant he was just going out with his friends and wasnt coming home..... even though the last ten days of my prengancy he did stay at home until i gave brith. Then it was back to go out with friends and still not coming home.
He said he doesnt want to divorce me cos he loves me and the boys.
But i dont believe him cos if loved me he wont be so cold to me .....for example the last three days he hasnt called or answered my calls.
So i dont know what to do. I called my local mosgue and asked them but they say cos he does support me finanically, they cant just give me divorce.And they have to wait until he gets bk. cos they need forwarding address for him. And they need to talk to us both.
So iam so confused and frustrated................ I feel like i am just standing still and i have been hold in prison.

Why must he call you everyday. He is in another country he can't pick up all you're calls. He is busy proving for his family, give him a break!

He said he doesn't want to divorce you, loves you and you're boys. But you still don't trust him! What do you want him to do, give his blood too.

So he is a hard working man, proving for his family but no you are complaining about him "Not calling you". This is you're reason for divorce? In ancient time women went long periods without seeing there husbands they never tried to get a divorce behind there husbands back!!!

[samadoon-waaxid]

For a young lady who wants to leave her husband.

EVERYONE, What would do if your husband was being JUST HORRIBLE? And he refuse to divorce u. Or be there for u and the kids.
Just lies about everything and when u try to sort things out he says ok. But never fullfills his promises. What what u do?

PLUS, Your family doesnt know and they think he is great guy.

How u go about divorcing him?
or would u just wait until he comes bk and take responsibilities?

And how long would U wait until u tell his family and urs. Even though u know they wouldnt be able to do anything about it.

follow the deen
you bring in both of ur families into the issue to hold him accountable for his promises.if he doesnt fullfill them then divorce is the next step and people will step in for you then.but save this marriage as much as u could I would advice,not for you or him but the kids.when parents divorce its the kids who suffer

[burhaan2010]

hani listn to ur husband. dont be anothar singal mothar.

[Nanees]

For a young lady who wants to leave her husband.

EVERYONE, What would do if your husband was being JUST HORRIBLE? And he refuse to divorce u. Or be there for u and the kids.
Just lies about everything and when u try to sort things out he says ok. But never fullfills his promises. What what u do?

PLUS, Your family doesnt know and they think he is great guy.

How u go about divorcing him?
or would u just wait until he comes bk and take responsibilities?

And how long would U wait until u tell his family and urs. Even though u know they wouldnt be able to do anything about it.

You have the right to divorce in Islam. But divorce is a last resort, not a solution. If your situation is that dire try a separation first?

[fatimazahra]

patience pays continue praying sister inshallah it will be okay.

[metamorphosis]

I think enough has been said,and as you can see most people are urging you to approach the problem from different angle. Take divorce out of the picture of a second, then inshallah another way to solve this issue shall be discovered. As you put it, you don't want your kids to be fatherless. Trust me, kids especially boys need their fathers. Try it a few more times until you know that ain't nothing changing. Good luck, I hope that man checks himself before he wrecks himself.

[Garbo_Gedo]

Clearly, about what you stated, the following questions arises:

DO YOU WANT TO GET DIVORCED?

You answered YES because you've tried everything else.

Well there you have the answer, stop making excuses for yourself and own up your own responsibilities and free yourself by getting divorce if you feeling that strong about it. Forget about how your family or his family would receive it. IT'S YOUR LIFE.

If not for your own sake, do it for the kids sake and free yourself because clearly being miserable around them would not be beneficial to them.

[xiimaaya]

so what ever happend to this lady?? did things change or what?