This topic will end any thoughts of marriage on this forum

[AbdiWahab252]

FAH,

How about operating under intoxication (love) ?

No such thing

[zamindawari]

I don't consider that infidelity. There's no legal precedence in Islam for a husband to tell his 1st wife about his other wives. The only way this can be done is to record a clause in the initial Nikaax agreement that restricts the husband to his 1st wife. Other than that, it is not cheating at all since it is sanctioned by God.

lol typical Somali man. Talk to your local sheikh (the non Somali one) and see what he says.

Non-Somali here. What grandpakhalif has stated is accurate and cannot be legitimately debated within the Shariah.
Responsibility is upon the wife to establish this in the initial Nikkah nama or letter of Nikkah.

[BlackVelvet]

I don't consider that infidelity. There's no legal precedence in Islam for a husband to tell his 1st wife about his other wives. The only way this can be done is to record a clause in the initial Nikaax agreement that restricts the husband to his 1st wife. Other than that, it is not cheating at all since it is sanctioned by God.

lol typical Somali man. Talk to your local sheikh (the non Somali one) and see what he says.

Non-Somali here. What grandpakhalif has stated is accurate and cannot be legitimately debated within the Shariah.
Responsibility is upon the wife to establish this in the initial Nikkah nama or letter of Nikkah.

You married a 14 yr old, should be in jail.

[Keyblade]

I don't consider that infidelity. There's no legal precedence in Islam for a husband to tell his 1st wife about his other wives. The only way this can be done is to record a clause in the initial Nikaax agreement that restricts the husband to his 1st wife. Other than that, it is not cheating at all since it is sanctioned by God.

lol typical Somali man. Talk to your local sheikh (the non Somali one) and see what he says.

Non-Somali here. What grandpakhalif has stated is accurate and cannot be legitimately debated within the Shariah.
Responsibility is upon the wife to establish this in the initial Nikkah nama or letter of Nikkah.

You married a 14 yr old, should be in jail.

no relevant thoughts on his post?

[BlackVelvet]

I think that pretty much covers my thoughts on his post. The argument here is about the effect of culture on people's interpretations of Islam. He comes from a culture where it is okay to marry a 14 yr old in today's world - that is his interpretation of Islam. Clearly an even more repressive standpoint than the one held by most Somalis.


So my point remains, go speak to a Sheikh about this matter. And one who's hopefully studied Islam and isn't passing down the same recycled cultural Islam.

[misterioso]

He comes from a culture where it is okay to marry a 14 yr old in today's world - that is his interpretation of Islam.

Up until recently, it was universally ok to marry a 14 yr old or even younger among both Muslims and non-Muslims. Even today, the practice is widespread among (at least) Hindus and Ethiopian Christians, where at least 50% marriages involves girls as young as 14 yr old or even younger. The practice is/was also common in Somalia, particullarly during the generation of your mother and grandmother. It isn't only about culture as you implied; Islam sanctions marrying girls as young as 14 or even younger. As Muslims, we have our own teachings, traditions, culture, etc-- so, no need to be politically correct.

[BlackVelvet]

He comes from a culture where it is okay to marry a 14 yr old in today's world - that is his interpretation of Islam.

Up until recently, it was universally ok to marry a 14 yr old or even younger among both Muslims and non-Muslims. Even today, the practice is widespread among (at least) Hindus and Ethiopian Christians, where at least 50% marriages involves girls as young as 14 yr old or even younger. The practice is/was also common in Somalia, particullarly during the generation of your mother and grandmother. It isn't only about culture as you implied; Islam sanctions marrying girls as young as 14 or even younger. As Muslims, we have our own teachings, traditions, culture, etc-- so, no need to be politically correct.

You have proved my point in so many different ways in that one post.

Like you said it was common in the past, now it's only practiced by a select number of peoples (cultures) around the world.

Islam sanctions marrying girls as young as 14 or even younger.

Either you don't know the meaning of the word sanction which I hope you don't because if you did you wouldn't make such a statement or you are consciously trying to insult Islam. There is a reason I don't engage in certain topics. Ilaahey ka cabso.

Like I have said to everyone else, go ask a learned Islamic scholar. Macsalamo

[zamindawari]

So my point remains, go speak to a Sheikh about this matter. And one who's hopefully studied Islam and isn't passing down the same recycled cultural Islam.

The above quoted statement, regarding "recycled cultural Islam", is entirely false. In addition to attending various minor and elementary level classes at 2 separate madrassas from age 6 to 14, I am currently studying Hanafi fiqh under an established and esteemed individual in Pakistan via PalTalk whose name I am not at liberty to mention currently. Beyond this I will continue this path a bit later in life studying the Islamic sciences more in depth at the esteemed Darul Uloom Haqqania in Akora Khattak Pakistan. The fundamental problem with this individual's mode of thought lies in their insistence to prove false or irrelevant those ideas which they personally disagree with and to render valid and relevant those ideas which they do agree with. This is human nature and there is no fault in this except when one attempts to associate personal beliefs with Islam. Observe the loaded psychology contained within - they imply that anyone who maintains ideologies different to their own is not a legitimate "sheikh", they imply that anyone who differs in perspective to themselves is therefore, 'not learned in Islam'. Quintessentially, the problem here is an individual clearly lacking in Islamic knowledge, who nonetheless, believes their personal views to exceed those of Islam and it's ulema and they feel themselves to be in a position above the ulema and perhaps even Allah (SWT) to dictate what is legitimate Islam and what is not. And based upon what methodology? Well, it seems the methodology subscribed to may simply be nothing more than common consensus of the people of kufr, the Western secular societies.

BlackVelvet, in Islam we require verifiable proof and evidence for the majority of claims. If you wish to establish legitimacy in your claims, you must provide authentic proof from Quran and Sunnah that disallow men and women who have reached puberty from marriage. When you produce these, your argument will be complete. Without them, you are merely sharing an opinion. The burden of proof is upon you.

[metamorphosis]

a response!

Of course you tell him. There are obviously big issues in your marriage and he needs to decide if he is willing to work on them.

I always love the response "I don't know how it happened". You invited him over, likely with intentions. Then you got naked, then you had sex...probably in your husbands bed. And you did it or hours. During these hours how many times did your husband cross your mind

[grandpakhalif]

I don't consider that infidelity. There's no legal precedence in Islam for a husband to tell his 1st wife about his other wives. The only way this can be done is to record a clause in the initial Nikaax agreement that restricts the husband to his 1st wife. Other than that, it is not cheating at all since it is sanctioned by God.

lol typical Somali man. Talk to your local sheikh (the non Somali one) and see what he says.

Non-Somali here. What grandpakhalif has stated is accurate and cannot be legitimately debated within the Shariah.
Responsibility is upon the wife to establish this in the initial Nikkah nama or letter of Nikkah.

Brother zamindawari May God reward you and lengthen your life, you truly understand Islam. Ignore those accusing you of marrying young girl since the blessed Prophet SAW himself did that, there is nothing wrong with that. 7ayakullah ya akhi fil islaam.

[metamorphosis]

His wife is cheating with another woman. How do you have sex with another woman?

My wife and I have been married for ten years and have two young kids. A few weeks back, I noticed my wife to be secretive. She changed passwords for her email and facebook and even regularly changed her phone PIN. From my investigation, I found out that before we got married, she had a relationship with a lesbian. This lesbian was her first love so it seemed. She hid this from me (later she told me that it was already the PAST). After we got married we moved to another country. While there we were busy with work and adjustments with the new environment. For the first five years our relationship was great. We had a great time. We normally held hands in public and we have been so sweet. However, during one of our visits in our country, I noticed that whenever we get into her friends in the mall she would remove her hands from mine and she did not even introduce me to her friends. When I asked her, she said she forgot. But it happened in other occasions until such time that I decided to stop being so sweet with her in public. That's when our feelings for each other started to erode. During that time, job back to another country demanded a lot of travel and I was always tired from too much demand from work. I seldom had sex with her. She seemed to be alright with it. I noticed though that we began to be a little 'cold' to each other especially when the kids came as we were busy taking care of them and at the same time work. While we were in that country, my wife started communicating with her friends back home and they always talked about someone whose name I could not get. It appeared that my wife was still interested with her lesbian lover. She pestered her friends about the life and situation of the lesbian who from what I gathered became addicted to drugs and broke a few families by having affairs with married women. The lesbian has already reformed according to my sources. Last year, I was temporarily posted in our country and I brought my family with me. A few days after arrival, my wife met with her friends together with her former lesbian lover. A few months later they started texting. A couple of months back, her friend had a get together at our house while I was on an overseas trip. The lesbian slept in our house with her other friends. Nothing happened. I found out that my wife invited her other friend to come to our house as an excuse for the lesbian to sleep in our house. IN other words, my wife manipulated the situation so that it will not be obvious for the maids at home. A few days after that, my wife started going out with the lesbian again. I found out that my wife is the one always asking the lesbian to go out and even paid for their movies and food. They watched movies together. From what I gathered they made out in the movie houses, car parks and at the house of the lesbian. While this was happening the lesbian even attended one of the parties we hosted at home. I was introduced to her. I did not know the situation by then that by that time my wife and the lesbian were already into a monthlong affair. During that time, I remember my wife asking me to allow her to go out with her friends on an trip somewhere but I refused. I told her that we should go together as a family. She insisted that she should also have time with friends alone. I refused. I found later that she and the lesbian were planning on a trip together. I discovered all of these from different sources and confronted by wife. She admitted and asked for forgiveness. At first she said it was just nothing. That they were just sending SMS regularly showing their care for each other. When I probed further, she admitted that she started to fall in love with the lesbian and that she was happy that I discovered it and that I puled her out. A few days later after the confrontation, we talked some more and I told her I'm trying to forgive her. That's the time she admitted that she already had sex with the lesbian several times. I said that I have to recover from this. She begged for my forgiveness. I love her so much so I told her that I've forgiven her. I'm still trying to cope. I gave her options - to stay with the marriage or get out. She does not want our marriage to break as according to her she loves me very much and she does not want the children to grow with their parents apart. She promised to be faithful and never do it again. When I pressed for the reason why she did it, she said that I was a bit cold and always busy and did not have time for sex. I felt bad and guilty that my shortcomings drove her to infidelity. She acknowledged that it was not an excuse and admitted that it's her mistake and promised to correct it. She said she already broke up with the lesbian.

She has changed a lot and never goes out on her own. We always go out together. Our confrontation happened about 2 weeks ago but we have made a lot of progress in terms of our relationship. Since then, we had become more open and transparent. We are trying to catch up with lost times. We have sex almost every day - sometimes 3 times a day. We went out of town to be together. So far, we are doing good. We are like new lovers again. But in my mind, I worried that she might do it again. Te other day, I saw her quickly remove a SIM card from one of her phones and stashed it away. I'm probably just paranoid but I suspect, that she still communicates with the lesbian by phone. I hope I'm wrong. Thoughts