Anti-Single Mother Rhetoric

[SavySallySupersedes]

I constantly see Somali men attributing the absence of a father to any sort of deviant behavior a Somali woman decides to engage in. Of course, being a womanist, someone who's all about girl power and who genuinely believes a woman's body is entirely her own, I would have qualms about that. Why are women blamed even if he's the one who's chosen to walk away? That makes no sense. He gets to walk away free of any responsibility and we punish the person who's actually decided to be the adult instead?

First of all: You don't own Somali women. Somali women are free to love who they want, to pursue the lives they want and to live unapologetically.

Somali fathers have deliberately and intentionally walked away from their families. Why are they not held accountable? I understand their situation may not make it feasible to live in a two-parent household, but nothing should ever hold a man back from being a father in his child(ren)'s life. This is why men fight for joint custody. Men who take their jobs as fathers seriously will find any way to circumvent headaches and technicality in order to be a part of their child(ren)'s lives.

Responsible men are intentional, committed and fulfill their obligations with unwavering devotion. Stop privileging Somali men.

Yes, fathers serve a crucial role in developing positive self-concepts and modeling how healthy relationships resolve conflict. We can infer that growing up without a father may put you at a disadvantage, but growing up without a mother is detrimental. Fathers will never have the impact a mother will, but this doesn't mean they're obsolete.

Somali men, please understand that no one chooses to be grow up without a father. Our fathers didn't want to be in our lives. We need to acknowledge that men have just as much agency to decide for themselves whether or not they are going to remain in their child(ren)'s lives. Somali fathers should feel just as entitled to be involved in their children's lives as Somali mothers are.

[hargaysaay]

If you can't raise your child properly with or without his father , what woman are you then . your second purpose in this world beside obeying god
is raising a child and transforming him into an independent man who will take care of you tomorrow .

[Sheikh Mustafa]

Sally,

Somali women are the ones that choose to keep the kids for financial reasons. In Somalia, Women Used to put the kids on the man's labs when she get divorced and thus there was no divorce at all. They are the ones who are making life so easy for the man and encouraging divorce. Once a man divorces you, Its his responsibility to raise the Kids, feed them and descipline them. You are supposse to go and look for another husband and raise those kids whose fathers you are married too.

Marka there is no need to sympathize with them. Instead of them being single mothers, the husband would have been a single father and they would have been begging the women with the knees down.

Marka you have a choice. Give the man the kids and do not get divorced. Or Make yourself so vulnerable by raising the Kids.

[SavySallySupersedes]

I'm patiently waiting for FAH and all of the other guys to come in and say something.

[hargaysaay]

FAH and all the other guys where you at ? . someone desperately needs your feedback .

[SavySallySupersedes]

Sally,

Somali women are the ones that choose to keep the kids for financial reasons. In Somalia, Women Used to put the kids on the man's labs when she get divorced and thus there was no divorce at all. They are the ones who are making life so easy for the man and encouraging divorce. Once a man divorces you, Its his responsibility to raise the Kids, feed them and descipline them. You are supposse to go and look for another husband and raise those kids whose fathers you are married too.

Marka there is no need to sympathize with them. Instead of them being single mothers, the husband would have been a single father and they would have been begging the women with the knees down.

Marka you have a choice. Give the man the kids and do not get divorced. Or Make yourself so vulnerable by raising the Kids.

Well, I can only speak for my own experience. Everything I've seen in America has to do with a Somali family's socioeconomic status. You'll receive more benefits and it's cost-effective if they're not married. I can't really explain how calamitous the intersection of race, gender and poverty is. I still don't think you should make Somali women out to be deviant jezebels just because they're single mothers.

No one should be made to feel like they're good enough just because they're not upholding certain quotas.

[SavySallySupersedes]

FAH and all the other guys where you at ? . someone desperately needs your feedback .

Well, they're always talking about how women just have to be fatherless to go against the norm. It's f-king annoying. Let's hear what they have to say.

[Arabman]

Somali fathers have deliberately and intentionally walked away from their families. Why are they not held accountable? I understand their situation may not make it feasible to live in a two-parent household, but nothing should ever hold a man back from being a father in his child(ren)'s life. This is why men fight for joint custody. Men who take their jobs as fathers seriously will find any way to circumvent headaches and technicality in order to be a part of their child(ren)'s lives.

Responsible men are intentional, committed and fulfill their obligations with unwavering devotion. Stop privileging Somali men.

You got a point here, however, most single mothers do not want the sight of their ex-husbands anywhere nearby, let alone being part of their child's life. Some single mothers get a restraining order, with the ex-husband not being able to come within a 5-10 mile radius. I don't know if it's a common dhaqan, an attitude problem, ignorance of how a father is important in a child's life, etc.

[DoubleAppleNmint]

Sally, wax kuru aasaad weydey

[SavySallySupersedes]

You got a point here, however, most single mothers do not want the sight of their ex-husbands anywhere nearby, let alone being part of their child's life. Some single mother's get a restraining order, with the ex-husband not being able to come within a 5-10 mile radius. I don't know if it's a common dhaqan, an attitude problem, ignorance of how a father is important in a child's life, etc.

I understand your point. I think it might have to do with daq'an, but let's just assume the mother doesn't have an issue with him being a part of her children's lives. I mean, fathers are important. We can't possibly think most of the contemporary issues Somalis have is because of their environment alone. An ever present and involved father can be that buffer. Schools can't raise your children. Masjids can't do that. There is no substitute for a father. We have to change how we perceive fatherhood and responsibility.

[Arabman]

I think it might have to do with daq'an, but let's just assume the mother doesn't have an issue with him being a part of her children's lives. I mean, fathers are important. We can't possibly think most of the contemporary issues Somalis have is because of their environment alone. An ever present and involved father can be that buffer. Schools can't raise your children. Masjids can't do that. There is no substitute for a father. We have to change how we perceive fatherhood and responsibility.

Personally, I would be part of my child's life, as long as she's OK with it. Afterall, she has more right to the child than me, for she has gone through a lot to bring the child into this world. I hope ex-husbands understand it's a religious/moral duty to care for and be part of the life of their child.

[ihatewritingessays]

Schools can't raise your children. Masjids can't do that. There is no substitute for a father. We have to change how we perceive fatherhood and responsibility.

word!! I know enough people are from broken homes i just hope the bitterness doesn't hold them back from being good fathers/mothers.

[Sheikh Mustafa]

You got a point here, however, most single mothers do not want the sight of their ex-husbands anywhere nearby, let alone being part of their child's life. Some single mother's get a restraining order, with the ex-husband not being able to come within a 5-10 mile radius. I don't know if it's a common dhaqan, an attitude problem, ignorance of how a father is important in a child's life, etc.

I understand your point. I think it might have to do with daq'an, but let's just assume the mother doesn't have an issue with him being a part of her children's lives. I mean, fathers are important. We can't possibly think most of the contemporary issues Somalis have is because of their environment alone. An ever present and involved father can be that buffer. Schools can't raise your children. Masjids can't do that. There is no substitute for a father. We have to change how we perceive fatherhood and responsibility.

I think it has to do with the women wanting to date other men and mostly no man would want to date a women whose exhusband is snooping around. Some feel jealousy of any man being closer to the kids and ex and that might be even risky. So the women always create a conflict and makes it so difficult for the exhusband to even want to associate with her. Its all about trying to win another man in her life.

[Arabman]

I think it has to do with the women wanting to date other men and mostly no man would want to date a women whose exhusband is snooping around. Some feel jealousy of any man being closer to the kids and ex and that might be even risky. So the women always create a conflict and makes it so difficult for the exhusband to even want to associate with her. Its all about trying to win another man in her life.

It's one thing if my ex-wife gets married, but if she's dating another man, then the only way I can be part in my child's life is to make a meeting (or pick/drop off location) arrangement at a neutral place.

[Sheikh Mustafa]

I think it has to do with the women wanting to date other men and mostly no man would want to date a women whose exhusband is snooping around. Some feel jealousy of any man being closer to the kids and ex and that might be even risky. So the women always create a conflict and makes it so difficult for the exhusband to even want to associate with her. Its all about trying to win another man in her life.

It's one thing if my ex-wife gets married, but if she's dating another man, then the only way I can be part in my child's life is to make a meeting (or pick/drop off location) arrangement at a neutral place.

You don't get it. The woman wants to tell the other man that, You are not in anyway connected with her and that you just dissappeared long time ago or You have died a natural dead. She wants to make the other guy believe that, You are some sort of looser and was a mistake to even marry you. Dee is aad utiraahdo waa gabar fiican other ways the suiter will be questioning why she divorced such a gentleman because he will be the next victim.