The wali problem

[Hyperactive]

qof muslim ah uma ga'an daafi laheyn. my dad would do all the embarrassment interducing thing.

reality though, mothers/sisters do all the thing and get ready all things then you can meet them in the watch of the womenfolks.

[BVSNet]

I get what you are saying. But let's be honest, since two people are allowed to talk.... why would a guy, that wants to get your father on board from the begining, allow him to ask him questions, allow him to facilitate the getting to know you process , why should that be interpreted as disrespect when it's everything opposite to it ?

Despite it not being culturally appropriate, as a female, do you think there are benefits to getting aabos perspective on a potential and overlooking the entire process?

My dad is not going to facilitate a guy getting to know me I'm laughing because I'm trying to picture it and can just imagine his reaction

There are benefits to having a level of family involvement and I think that's where investigating backgrounds comes into play.

The only way I can comfortably envisage my dad getting involved is if the guy's walid approach my dad and he can either yay or nay the introduction maahine he is not going to sit with a random guy and have a conversation about me with him. I can't picture it.

Are you saying that before you are even sure if the guy would make it to the yes/no/maybe pile you think he should meet with the girl's father? How would it work, would the girl introduce them or would be he be approach the dad before he even approached the girl?

BV, off course it might be weird a bit, the first time.


The way my friends family do it, it a guy is interested in her or her sisters, they would pass the fathers number to him. He would then, chat to the father, when he is pleased with the information he receives and does a background check, the father "allows" them to speak on the phone a couple of times.

If they're okay, he will come over to the house a couple of times where they can ask each other questions. This is how she and three of her sisters got married. This is just one example of how it could work.


Would you be put off by something like this?

Yes I would be put off. Not because I have a problem with my dad vetting guys but because it is culturally inappropriate and borderline disrespectful for a guy to talk to my dad about his intentions. Where is cidiisa? The way this could work in a Somali context is if you have his people call your people but that's a lot of drama for something which after 2 conversations you realise just wouldn't work.

If the fear is about being appropriately behaved and being taken advantage of, I would hope, that at the age where a female is ready to get married, she is intelligent enough to know the difference between good and bad. If she can't differentiate then she has bigger problems than how the courtship unfolds, how will she be a wife and even more importantly raise children?

I see where you're coming from but I think the average Somali girl is capable of talking to a man without tripping and falling on her back, give us some credit

[gegiroor]

Well, sister InnaSamaale, first I understand your concern. Now, here is the problem: in Ingiriiska, there is huge intermarriage going on between Somalis and other ethnic groups, and it is mostly Somali girls marrying out. And if Somali parents in UK accept all of the boys who show interest to their daughters to come home and have a chat with them, what that means so many Pakistanis, Bagladeeshis, Batua boys aka Jamsicans, and other Fufus, in addition to gaal saancadayaalayaal, visiting Somali parents endlessly. This is going to be a major bombshell and since not many Somali parents speak English, there is going to be a language barrier. Do you see the hardships it will place on Somali parents? Please keep in mind this problem is unique to Ingiriiska.

[AnigaiyoAdiga]

Erm my dad is not going to be involved until the very end. The last time, he got involved a little early and it was disastrous although I think it was my ex who made it like that and his family.

He was basically like 'I know you're talking to someone. You have to marry them now.' He knew because it was obvious since I was crying on the phone like everyday. What followed was a series of disasters culminating in me having a breakdown. Still, I can't do things the halal way. I'm just not very halal . I'm fish iyo chibis. The halal way scares me tbh.

[HayWire]

That's not our dhaqan sorry it doesn't fly to get a guy to knock on our door and tell my brothers I want to speak to your sister that niiga waa lagu tuukan. ..

But my mum is always involved from the go always the same Qs:

Tribe: - HAG the long branch tribe
Where does he live: - MWest
Occupation: - Toll road Manager with $1.5 million revenue per year niggas need to pay to cross the rd
How religious is he: Wears khamis, and my name is Sheikh Haywire Al Hagawi can't be more religius than that

Those are my answers to any mother's questions Sheikh HW always passes the test with flying colors