Today is the day I get struck off the sex offender's register. I was breakdancing in the masjid out of joy. It's been a long and hard road, but I'm finally a free man.
I was sent to the lockup for grabbing Xplaya's booty after he looked at my then girlfriend with lustful eyes. I was about to paint his face white too with my organ of joy before concerned passersby jumped into the fray and pulled my pants up for me.
Turns out the guy was 39. I thought he was a man because he was very tall and muscular. Looks can be deceiving.
The silver haired magistrate told me that he understood cockslapping your enemies and violating their bodily integrity was a rich and time honored tradition of my clan, and that he did not want to disrespect my noble people in any way, shape, or form, but that things were done a little differently in Christendom. Only a custodial sentence could wipe away my foul and desperate crime. Xplaya was giggling like a schoolgirl at this point of the court proceedings. I told you he was not so innocent.
The turnkey put me in solitary confinement for my own safety because Xplaya's homeboys were in the pen and rumours swirled that pedos get bleedos. The inmates shoved snooker balls up their backside. Talk about shitting bricks. Five hard months I did behind those bars, always sleeping with one eye open, and always protecting my gluteus maximus from the intrusion of foreign objects. It was not a beautiful time.
Worst of all, the idoor love I was protecting from lustful eyes was letting Pakistanis touch her where no man before has gone before whilst poor little dhuloxking was wasting away in a six by eight cell with a violent skinhead who had a tattoo of Pepe the Frog.
I came out a broken and devastated man. I had to report to the station twice a week and stay five miles away from school playgrounds, youth clubs, and swimming pools for seven years. All because I had my wicked way with an unruly Moroccan kid.
Yesterday the copper at the station told me, "In light of your sedulous commitment to your parole conditions for the past seven years, and your proven record in abstaining from pounding North African A-holes with your ten inch manhood, I am happy to recommend removal of your name from our sex offenders database."
"Thank you, Officer Matthews", I said. "You are a good man. Your English is a little formal for black as coal odayaal like me. I'm just an illegal immigrant who's not passed his ESL class. But I can tell there's love in your heart for the negrotariat. God bless you ina adeerkis".
I'm holding a celebration party tonight. My life of crime is behind me. I'm a reformed man. All the dhilos here are welcome to the bash. Print out this thread and give it to the bouncers posted at the door. I know the Xplaya wannabes on here will try to sneak in on the premise that rough sex is on the table, but there will be no mercy for lovers of gaylordism. Fartuuns, Sacdiyos, and Fatumos, I'm not as good lookin as my Facebook profile would have you think, but I have a hairy chest, and I'm ready to get my freak on.
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