Why did I break up with you? WARNING DISGUSTING CONTENT

[Daanyeer]

Why did I break up with you? Your vagina looks like 2 week old roast beef

Source: http://www.ubersite.com/m/26874
Author: method


Yes, I've done some horrible things in my life. Some of them I regret, some of them I don't. What I definitely don't regret is dumping every single one of my ex-girlfriends because something about them bothered me. Better safe than sorry, I always say. Yes, I'm picky. Yes, I break up with girls for little things. I know no one is perfect, but I just can't handle physical imperfections, or annoying little habits. Everyone has atleast one thing horribly wrong with them. It's the truth.

If you're hot, chances are you're a moron.

If you're smart, chances are you look like Steve Buscemi's sister.

Does your hair get frizzy in the rain? Fuck off.

Do you slurp your soup? Kill yourself

Do you dance like a retard when we go to a club? Exit stage right

Are you emotionally needy? Don't come to me for hugs, all you'll get is 5 across the eyes.




Girlfriend #1

Oh, what a sweet young girl. We were both 16, and this was our first serious relationship. We were madly in puppy love, and the whole world revolved around us. What didn't revolve around us was sex. She "wasn't ready". What kind of shit is that? I buy you a $100 heart necklace for our 6 month anniversary and you won't fuck me because you want to wait until you're 18? Unbelievable. Next.

Girlfriend #2

I met my next girlfriend at 17 while I was doing my obligatory waitering job to appease the parent folk. She looked so cute with her little tank top on and her tight jeans, her sunglasses neatly tucked on top of her head. What could I do? I asked her out.

Things went well for the first 2 nights. On the end of the second date, I leaned over to kiss her. As we both closed our eyes for our first kiss, I suddenly became nauseous and my whole world flipped upside down. Yes, friends, this girl had the breath of a cadaver. When she yawned, a plague of locusts came roaring out of her mouth and down the block. I grimaced and continued on, hoping to atleast get some head out of the situation.

As luck would have it, my plan worked out. As she began to unzip my pants, I opened my car window and sucked in the wonderful life giving air. At that moment, my penis recoiled in horror at the gaping abyss that was about to close over him. He screamed pitifully, but to no avail. He was doomed.

I sighed as I sat there, staring out the window, getting head from one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, when I decided I couldn't do this anymore.

"Listen, this isn't working out."

"Mmmmpphh???"


"Yeah, look, I don't think we're right for eachother"

See, now boys and girls, I wasn't thinking properly at the time.

Golden rule #1 : Never break up with a girl while she's giving you head. Its just bad timing, honestly. A number of things could go wrong, needless to say.

She got up, wiped off a bit of drool from her mouth.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, this just doesn't feel right"

'The fact that your breath smells like a soup kitchen on clam chowder day doesn't help your situation much either' I though to myself.



Girlfriend #3

Wow, this was it. This girl had it all. She was smart, sexy, beautiful, fun to be with, and she adored me. She was a keeper. Her vagina wasn't.

People, I'm sorry if this is heartless, but theres just so many times you can fuck a girl in the dark. Sometimes, just sometimes, you want the lights on. Or you want to fuck during the day. Either way, you're going to have to look at her vagina sometime.


Everytime I glanced at this thing, I just wanted to slap some mayo and shredded lettuce on that puppy and chomp away. It looked like roast beef. Not too thinly sliced, and not too fresh, I might add. I like roast beef, but not when its hanging like a marionette in between my girlfriends legs. I endured this as long as I could, but every man has his breaking point. The relationship ended after a while. I never revealed the real reason I broke up with her.

I used the age old standby - "Its not you, its me".

See? I can be kind. Telling a girl her vagina looks like 2 week old roast beef could feasibly scar her for life. I'm not that much of an asshole.

[Advocator]

His Gay

[Suhaylah]

Why not simply link to the page you desire to display instead of copying it?