SomaliNet Forums

BlackVelvet wrote:
Sounded like it was true for you.

my parents told me a somali proverb that backs up the statement

abdisamad3 wrote:bv your very smart girl, you just created this thread to fish and see which guy is broke and which guy is marriageable so ma ahan..duqda siirtaada maanta waan ku fahmay.
btw you should teach qoraxey how to fish if you know what I mean.

Now that you've pointed it out I think I just separated the men from the boys

BlackVelvet wrote:

abdisamad3 wrote:bv your very smart girl, you just created this thread to fish and see which guy is broke and which guy is marriageable so ma ahan..duqda siirtaada maanta waan ku fahmay.
btw you should teach qoraxey how to fish if you know what I mean.

Now that you've pointed it out I think I just separated the men from the boys

I take my hat off to your very smart trick.

btw I payed for everything at my wedding, oh boy was I broke or what after the wedding I had to work in multiple place's to turn my account plus again.

I am really old school myself in this regard. God put the responsibility on the man to care for the family and even if the woman works or has extra income, what she puts in the family bowl is "sadaqo" and not a responsibility on her part. Of course no one said she shouldn't see it as a responsibility because after all it is her family, but there is no waajib on her part as a requirement.

As for wedding and all these things, I am actually not a fan of the lavish weddings. I have been to more than I can count and there is nothing that is unique or interesting about it not to mention being responsible for all the danbi that occurs in it. I actually think it is spiritually better for the couple if the guy has a nikaax luncheon and the women have their own thing and use the money to jet off to the Bahamas the next day. I also think it is the man's responsibility to provide for both but in this day and age a couple that want each other that badly enough to marry will find some sort of a solution if the guy cannot afford it. With that said, the man should still save up and be able to afford that without bringing the girl's ability to finance into the mix.

Marriage is a huge responsibility both culturally and religiously and so it is true, if the man is broke, he should wait until he is somewhat financially secure to a degree. If you can't even get through the wedding, how will you make a family and bring mouths you can't adequately care for into this world?

All in all, the girls have a point and guys need to accept their responsibility.

With that said, she better be one helluva wife and not some areebo, gossiping, bad charactered housewife type. If I accept and shoulder the responsibility of being the caretaker of my family, she better know how to cook and cooks for me, cleans,etc. Just like some guys are trying to wiggle out of their responsibility in this topic, lately I see a prevalence of "hell no I'm not cooking or cleaning" from women. You are out of the door in a jiffy then. There is plenty of fish in the sea that will meet me halfway.

I have seen women who get into hegbad/ayuuto while their husband is struglin with the bills.
If they have an income that comes their way on a regular basis they should be able to contribute.

If they are not willing to spend their income towards the family they are trying to build with their patner
what/who are they saving it for?

zingii wrote:I have seen women who get into hegbad/ayuuto while their husband is struglin with the bills.
If they have an income that comes their way on a regular basis they should be able to contribute.

If they are not willing to spend their income towards the family they are trying to build with their patner
what/who are they saving it for?

I agree it says something about their character that they would not be completely infused in their family but you do realize whatever she gives to the family bowl is "sadaqo" and not a responsibility on her part. It is voluntary for her. Whether she has income or not, your whole income belongs to the family whereas for her it is optional.

Honestly, Somali guys just need to man up these days. Recently I heard that in Minneapolis every Somali guy wants to marry a "garoob" so he can eat the kid's welfare money with her and not work or do anything himself. That has to be the most emasculated mentality to express for a man who throughout time was supposed to reel in his balls and protect, care, and provide for his family's well being but what can you expect from men that never themselves had father figures? They don't know what it is to be a man because their own fathers used to sit around and laze like a bunch of Ndebele women in a Zimbabwean villages.

It's not like back home where you could sustain a family worries free from endless bills.
Most maryoles are first generation immigrants who do not posses the necessary skills to strive
and compete for the high paying jobs. Such a person(s) need all the help they can get from their patner.
More so when she needs vehicle of her own which require insurance and gas coupled with your own.

I am not disagreeing with you which is why I said if they don't want to put into the family bowl that says a lot about her character and you probably are better off finding someone more compatible. However, men shouldn't expect that as an entitlement because both culturally and religious the responsibility is on you the man. A woman should pitch in out of the goodness of her own heart, not because she has to.

Voltage wrote: lately I see a prevalence of "hell no I'm not cooking or cleaning" from women. You are out of the door in a jiffy then. There is plenty of fish in the sea that will meet me halfway.

Thats the thing if a Woman pays half the bills she wears half the pants. A lot of guys want to have it both ways they want the Woman to do a lot of the heavy lifting work 40 hours and still cook for him and wash his clothes. It just doesn't work like that. Also at the end of the day it is for the good of the Man that He assumes this responsibiity because the Woman will slowly, gradually lose more and more respect for the Man the more He is dependent upon her to provide a lot of the bills. Its just the way it is. I think for the preservation of our family structures etc. it is best that the Man does whatever he has to do to provide and let the Woman focus more on family rearing, etc. Lately like You said we are starting to really resemble African Americans in that You'll see a Somali guy living in a house his 'Wife' provided, driving her car, eating her food, etc. and He just mills around, chews qaad and drinks tea at the coffeeshops all day.

i understand ur point bro, am just sympathising for the families that are going thru this.
I think this issue plays big role in divorces and the number single mothers that have been
increasing year after year.

Voltage wrote:
As for wedding and all these things, I am actually not a fan of the lavish weddings. I have been to more than I can count and there is nothing that is unique or interesting about it not to mention being responsible for all the danbi that occurs in it. I actually think it is spiritually better for the couple if the guy has a nikaax luncheon and the women have their own thing and use the money to jet off to the Bahamas the next day.

Anyone else see the contradiction in that? You want in fact you think its spiritually better to go to the Bahamas were canoodling couples in their Bikinis and trunks are ten a penny because you want to avoid the oh so objectionable celebrations of a Muslim married couple in front of their Muslim parents, Muslim sisters & brothers, Muslim aunts & uncles, Muslim grandparents, Muslim cousins, Muslim nieces& nephews, Muslim guests the old & young , middleaged

Enlightened~Sista wrote:

Voltage wrote:
As for wedding and all these things, I am actually not a fan of the lavish weddings. I have been to more than I can count and there is nothing that is unique or interesting about it not to mention being responsible for all the danbi that occurs in it. I actually think it is spiritually better for the couple if the guy has a nikaax luncheon and the women have their own thing and use the money to jet off to the Bahamas the next day.

Anyone else see the contradiction in that? You want to go to the Bahamas were canoodling couples in their Bikinis and trunks are ten a penny because you want to avoid the oh so objectionable celebrations of a Muslim married couple in front of their Muslim parents, Muslim sisters & brothers, Muslim aunts & uncles, Muslim grandparents, Muslim cousins, Muslim nieces& nephews, Muslim guests old & young alike?

He has also been to Amsterdam, I guess you will assert that he mingled with prostitutes.

Enlightened~Sista wrote:

Voltage wrote:
As for wedding and all these things, I am actually not a fan of the lavish weddings. I have been to more than I can count and there is nothing that is unique or interesting about it not to mention being responsible for all the danbi that occurs in it. I actually think it is spiritually better for the couple if the guy has a nikaax luncheon and the women have their own thing and use the money to jet off to the Bahamas the next day.

Anyone else see the contradiction in that? You want to go to the Bahamas were canoodling couples in their Bikinis and trunks are ten a penny because you want to avoid the oh so objectionable celebrations of a Muslim married couple in front of their Muslim parents, Muslim sisters & brothers, Muslim aunts & uncles, Muslim grandparents, Muslim cousins, Muslim nieces& nephews, Muslim guests old & young alike?

no i dont see the contradiction at all. no one forcing you to wear bikini or even look at them. as matter of fact, just a a month a half ago i was in miami with my family, went to the most beautiful beaches(in my eyes) and yacht cruses, and my mom and some of my sisters wearing niqaab and their 3abayas. people can enjoy the beauty of life without committing any sins.

for your infos, the women's only wedding receptions more expensive and lavish and i would rather to exclude them and just do reception for guys. haweenku wa khasaato so3da.