Married or previously married people - in hindsight what would you have done differently?

[Sophisticate]

When I read a statement about segregating yourself from friends if you are married I wanted to . How about you make friends with integrity, instead. A real friend does not drop friends because they are married. A real friend will not care about your marital status. A real friend is uplifting and won't try to pull you down but will raise you up.

[Vivacious]

Don't marry a good looking person.

Don't be too soft on him from the beginning, set your ground otherwise he will think he can walk all over you.

Make sure he's not a mummys boy.

Don't get too close with his family, keep your distance, the closer you are to them, the more they analyse you and chat crap.

Do not rush.

Don't complain about each other to each others families, otherwise his family will have a bad view of you and vice versa.

Don't mix with unmarried girls/divorced girls most just want to ruin things for you and that applies to some married girls also.

That is all.

So you ladies are serious about not marrying a good looking man

But that doesn't mean you should get married to an UGLY one

[Vivacious]

Don't marry a good looking person.



Don't be too soft on him from the beginning, set your ground otherwise he will think he can walk all over you.

Make sure he's not a mummys boy. <--- wtf, hooyo lama huuran

Don't get too close with his family, keep your distance, the closer you are to them, the more they analyse you and chat crap.

Do not rush.

Don't complain about each other to each others families, otherwise his family will have a bad view of you and vice versa.

Don't mix with unmarried girls/divorced girls most just want to ruin things for you and that applies to some married girls also.

That is all.

Are you considering yourself as a good looking man?

[Machiavelli2]

Compatibility is one of the main reason why we Somalis are experiencing higher marriage breakdowns than any Somali generation that preceded us. Two horny young couple meet, their hormones hits the roof, then you will hear Mashallah, he/she is a good observing Muslim/Muslimah from a good family and she/he is pretty much my other half. When the hayeey period that was the major attraction is over and everyday, they are into each other's faces in a loveless marriage, the union breaks down. As someone suggested above, don't rush into making babies for the first few years till you know there is a good chance the marriage succeeding. Otherwise, you will become another statistic of the ever increasing Somali single mothers.

Disclaimer

Off course, there is nothing wrong being a single mother. It is far better for the children growing up in a loving non-war zone like environment if a divorce will entail to that.

[TheblueNwhite]

BV

Got a question for you.

Would you let your husband go out with his friends on the weekends (guys n girls)?

[SiennaEarth]

I had no idea we had so many divorcees.Ilayen wa waxa mesha loogu ciil baxo.

Euphoria i suspect u is a divorcee waa maxay the terrible terrible terrible advice you trynna give to the girls. If you cut off connections with his mum do you expect things will go your way . The bucks stops there maliinta aad ayaadada (Step mom) aad isku diirto is when aad deegaha qiic ka keento

lol its not terrible advise. Mother in laws are kinda evil so the less you mix with her the less chance you will clash. It's always good to see her once in a while buy her a gift and just be nice, but see her everyday and you will both start to get under each others skin.

[BlackVelvet]

BV

Got a question for you.

Would you let your husband go out with his friends on the weekends (guys n girls)?

I can't stop a grown ass man so it's not up to me, if he wants to go I wouldn't make a fuss. I would however follow him and see how he interacts with said "friends", if I get the slightest inkling that something ain't right that's when I start looking for his secret account

[Lillaahiya]

^ Nin hablo la saaxibey ha guursan ba.

[Kareem99]

lol, Hopefully you wouldn't be with someone who inspired lust alone, although those butterflies are damn fun.

Yummy, I know what you mean. Silken voices, devilishly good looks, bearded grins.....they can persuade one to forget certain misgivings you would have otherwise respected lol

Exactly

^


Women.

Inaadeer there's a very good reason for this. Everyone looks for certain important characteristics in someone. For me, that is 4: diin/salaat, akhlaaq/generous personality, good reputation/family background, and financially stable... none of those are derivatives of good looks. I'm not saying it's mutually exclusive; it's just bloody rare. Hence I fear someone like that might make you compromise on those important characteristics, so yes, I would discriminate.

The only thing I'd tell you is to not discriminate us handsome chaps, it's possible we can have everything you just mentioned and still be handsome on top of that lol j/k

On a more serious note: I know I haven't been here long, but wallahi those are some of the wisest words I have ever seen written by a woman with respect to relationships/marriage. Talk about thinking with your heard rather than your heart, very well said Yummy. If I have a daughter (and insha Allah I hope I do), I would love for her to think like then when seeking her potential husband.

[SiennaEarth]

BV

Got a question for you.

Would you let your husband go out with his friends on the weekends (guys n girls)?

I can't stop a grown ass man so it's not up to me, if he wants to go I wouldn't make a fuss. I would however follow him and see how he interacts with said "friends", if I get the slightest inkling that something ain't right that's when I start looking for his secret account

LOOOOL follow him? Who has time for that when you can just accuse and see the truth from his reaction?

[ZubeirAwal]

Don't marry a good looking person.



Don't be too soft on him from the beginning, set your ground otherwise he will think he can walk all over you.

Make sure he's not a mummys boy. <--- wtf, hooyo lama huuran

Don't get too close with his family, keep your distance, the closer you are to them, the more they analyse you and chat crap.

Do not rush.

Don't complain about each other to each others families, otherwise his family will have a bad view of you and vice versa.

Don't mix with unmarried girls/divorced girls most just want to ruin things for you and that applies to some married girls also.

That is all.

Are you considering yourself as a good looking man?

Maybe, perhaps I am, perhaps I am not.

[BlackVelvet]

LOOOOL follow him? Who has time for that when you can just accuse and see the truth from his reaction?

It's less about him telling the truth or lying and more to do with calibrating the amount of trust you've placed in him using empirical evidence.

Besides if you accuse someone you put them on the defensive and cause a lot of drama. Quietly iska daba raac then watch him from a distance like a creepy, insane, stalker

^ Nin hablo la saaxibey ha guursan ba.

There's nothing wrong with having female friends, the question is, how friendly are you with your friends.

[SultanOrder]

A lot of unsolicited advice from unmarried folks, and very few solicited advice from married folks, go figure.

[SiennaEarth]

A lot of unsolicited advice from unmarried folks, and very few solicited advice from married folks, go figure.

How would you know who is and isn't married?

[SummerRain]

BV

You gonna have to trust your man sweetie. If you need to follow him and put him under some study to have evidence based result...waxaas oo kale wa wali
Hada xuuman raadis waa halidoonta, sometimes you just take the good with the bad. And in this case, if he is respectful of you and your marriage, no need to dig any further.