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Knowthyself,
There will be alot of business opportunities; demand for vice related activities will be greater than supply when Somalia finds itself on the path of economic catching up. IIguess you will need to compete with the moonshiners who have been providing clandestine deliveries to quench thirst, for the last two decades, if you are to trod along that path.
I will settle for a small mowlac where digri and subac will be the pastime.
My esteemed readers; my profound apologies concerning the below episode; it contains some language/scenes that some of you could find disturbing.
Horny Ayaan.
“Ok. I think it is time to go to your mother’s house,” Said Jeelle
“Haa aboowe, but I need to use the bathroom,” retorted Ayaan.
Women and bathrooms, thought Jeelle, are inseparable. It seems there is a profound relationship between the mirror in the bathroom and women. It will be the usual process; she will stand in the front of the mirror, pay a visit to her make-up bag and take out a lipstick, apply it and voila ready to go.
A maximum of 2 minutes and they will be off to meet Jamiila.
Toloow, how does Jamiila look like? Is she religious? Is she old? Fat?
How will she react to meeting him? Will she give him the “xabiibi kiss”? a hug? Apply the classical “suuro” on him and play hard?
More importantly, how would he react? Give her the cold shoulder? Say, assalamu calaykum, pretend to be religious and avoid extending her his hand, let alone kissing? Or would he kiss her on the cheeks while holding her firmly?
Five minutes gone and Ayaan is still in the toilet.
Ten minutes.
Toloow, ma caloosha ayaa laga haaya?
Things have changed in recent years when it comes to bathroom manners. In the old days, it was rare to witness women visiting bathrooms. The womenfolk will go to the bathroom discreetly.
In baadiyo country, it was even worse. The womenfolk will wake up early in the morning before the roasters signalled daybreak, before the donkeys brayed etc. They will walk hundreds of yards and perform their activities.
However, nowadays things have changed. The house is no longer big enough and bathrooms are not secluded. It is no longer a taboo to mention that you will be visiting the toilet. Women will always mention that they will visit as if it is “faan”.
Thinking about the impending encounter with Jamiila and bathroom manners made Jeelle forget about the presence of Ayaan in the toilet.
Then, after 15 minutes, he hears Ayaan shouting “aboowe, there is no soap in the bathroom”
Jeelle did not know how to repond to the lack of soap in the bathroom. It took him a good 20-30 seconds to repond.
“Check in the drawers. If it is not there, then I have to call the reception”.
“Maya, aboowe, come and see for yourself” she replied.
Just as he was saying “Ok. I will call the reception” Ayaan posed another question; “aboowe, come and see, the water is not that warm”
Although Jeelle was a secular somali and has not prayed for many years, somali he was. He inherited moral values, which dictated what is wrong, and what is right; visiting the bathroom when there is a woman using it, is a taboo.
But, this was not Somalia. This was not also ordinary Halimo. This was Ayaan, a woman who was married to a non-somali; a woman whose mother is waiting for him.
Ok. I am coming, he replied reluctantly. It was apparent that he wanted to give her some time to prepare for the visit; give her a minute or two to flush the toilet, perfume it and be dressed, he rationalised.
“Aboowe, are you coming?. The water is really cold”
“Yes, I am coming” replied Jeelle
Up until this time, Jeelle was believing everything about Ayaan. Accordingly, there are no sinister motives.
Jeelle opens the bathroom door, which was half closed and was met by a scene from soft porn movies. A black women with a body shape of what ciyaalka xaafada will call lambar 8 ( big thighs, small waist and big breasts) was standing in front of him. She was naked – or as the ciyaalka xaafada will call it “nuudo”.
He had seen naked women in all forms and shapes. But, it has been a long time ago that he saw a naked somali woman.
According to Jeelle, the naked body infront of him was not that beautiful; her naaso was not gamuun.They were facing downwards. They was evidence of wrinkles.
Nonetheless, appealing. Sexy in its own right.
Jeelle is not religious. He studied a few juzas of the quran when he was young but he had forgotten them.
He found himself saying “ acuudi bilaahi mina sheydhaan rajiim; ukhti we are muslims” while looking on the floor and avoiding eye contact.
“Maxaa dhacay aboowe? Waxaan waa iska caadi” she said laughingly.
“Caadi ma aha!, subxaana lah !).
”Come on aboowe, don’t pretend to be a jaahil! I know that you are used to this. You are not wadaad”.
True, he was a no wadaad. But, in his world, courting and love comes before sex. Besides, there is a moral dimension to this whole episode. She is the daughter of his classmate and her mother is waiting for him.
Sex is not good when there are no conditions attached; when you do not fight for it, there is no cusbo.
“Ayaan, get dressed and let us go. Your mom is waiting for us”
To convince and please her, Jeelle added “We can go on a date tomorrow!”
For a second, he thought that he had the situation under control. Promising her a date tomorrow will be enough for her to rethink her strategy. Relay that she was desirable but this was not the right time.
Just as he thinking, that he has succeeded in persuading her to postpone, Ayaan asks “Aboow, do you have a condom?”
“ No. and that is one of the reasons why we should take it steadily. Tomorrow” said Jeelle who was sure that the absence of a condom will be enough of a reason for her to dress.
“Aboow, you don’t like me. Just say so! I am ugly and I look old”.
Looking at her for the first time since the beginning of the ordeal, Jeelle firmly says “ No! No! you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. You have the perfect body, Maasha Allah”.
To convince her, he moves closer to her. He holds her firmly, gives her a hug on both sides of her cheek”
She holds his jaamac; he pushes her. It was rape but hard to prove in a court of law; she is in a hotel room rented by him. She is a woman and could claim that he is the rapist.
He finds himself all the quran that he remembers....
"Ok, xabiibti, let us spare everything for tomorrow"
Jeelle was by now wondering what on earth he witnessed a few minutes ago.
By all accounts, this was a very peculiar afternoon. The whole idea of this journey was to meet an old “friend” who shunned him decades ago, and see how life has turned out for her.
Thus far, the afternoon has turned out to be an odyssey of amorousness from a young woman. He was old enough to be the father of Ayaan. He was not promiscuous and from his perspective, love is more than a few minutes’ stand. If he wanted a quickie, he could go to the brothels in continental Europe.
He theorised that Somalis have changed as regards attitudes towards sex and marriage. Maybe, Ayaan’s actions were normal for those born in the diaspora.
For the first time in many years, he came to the realisation that he is not the liberal that he thought he was.
Deep down in his mind, he loved what he saw. This is maybe the time for revenge. To hit Jamiila where it hurts the most; U nuuri her daughter. She deserved it. She broke his heart when he was searching for love. She injured his ego, his pride and mocked his social status.
This is payback time. Every Lamagoodle has his own day.
He heard voices telling him to go ahead. It is time for requite. Give Ayaan what she wants. Hold her hands and kiss her passionately in front of Jamiila.
Almost 30 years later, that will equal the events that transpired that November afternoon in Xamar when she insulted his vanity.
He also heard other voices telling him to be cautious. Revenge is for losers. Let bygones be bygones. It will be nice meeting Jamiila and going on memory lane. Share stories about the good old days when Xamar was the pearl and envy of the Indian Ocean. When Somalia was the feared nation of Africa.
There were many unanswered questions that have bothered him for the last 3 decades and maybe this meeting will provide some answere; what happened to their schoolmates, neighbours and friends? More importantly, Jamiila; what happened in her life? Why is she in London? Did she change?
Just as he was making a decision, Ayaan asked him;
Aboowe, are you Faqash or Hutu?
Jeelle; what is that? I don’t know what Faqash is but I am not definitely, a Hutu. Hutus are an ethnic group from Rwanda and Burundi. I am a somali. What is Faqash by the way?
Ayaan; Then you must be a dooro or eey dooro?
Jeelle; Dooro? No I am not a hen. I am not Hen dog either.
Ayaan: Then what are you? A wanla weyn?
Jeelle; I am Jeelle, a somali. I am not from Wanla Weyn. What are these labels you are talking about?
Jeelle was by now feeling that there is something profoundly wrong with Ayaan. She must be high on drugs or mentally unfit. He had his doubts when she undressed in the hotel room. But, the notion that he was Dooro, Eey door, Faqash etc cemented his doubts.
Ayaan: Aboowe, I don’t know what these words mean. I read them on somali discussion forums?
Jeelle; what kind of forums do you vist? And what do these words mean?
Ayaan: Aboowe, for instance, the somalinet forums; look here. She used her smartphone to log on Somalinet. Look at these pages; Faqash, Eeydoor, Hutu. I thought that these words were synonymous with somali tribes.
Jeelle; and how would you define yourself?
Ayaan: I am half Eey dooro because my dad comes from Somaliland and half Wanla weyn because my mom is from Muqdisho.
Jeelle was laughing by now. Of all the labels, it was only Wanla weyn which was used back in the 1980s. After the reunion, the name of the town of “Daafeed” was changed to Wanla Weyn for unknown reasons. This created a debate in the fadhi-ku-dirir of the time. No one could understand what “wanla weyn” meant. Could it mean “ Wan” as the male sheep and Weyn big? i.e. Big male sheep. It became the joke of town and villages. Very soon, everyone from southern Somalia was called “Wanla weyn” i.e. the unknown. A mechanism of differentiation.
Jeelle; I see. So Somalis use these kinds of terms.
It was apparent that things have changed. Jeelle realised that he was living in the past. He had a lot of catching up to do.
Ayaan; Yes, it is not only on forums. These terms are common in paltalk and are ubiquitous everywhere .
Jeelle; Let us go and see your mom.
They drove a few minutes before coming to Stonebridge, an estate which in the 1990s was a rundown estate known. A no go area where drug cartels and Caribbean gangs ruled. It was so dangerous that mail was not delivered to those who lived there.
Jeelle; wait a minute. We are not going to Stonebridge, are we?
Ayaan: Yes, we are. Mom lives there.
Jeelle; it is a dangerous estate
Ayaan; not anymore. There are no drugs today. There are many somalis who live there.
As they approached the apartment, Jeelle, once again, was overcome by emotions, regrets and doubts. Was this visit the right thing to do? Imagine, if they both broke down in tears when discussing the Xamar of the 1980s? Imagine if he told her hit the road Jamiila, I am in love with your daughter.
There is no turning back . The decisive moment is here.
As they neared the apartment, he could smell the uunsi, something he had been missing recently.
He could see a silhouette of a woman in a dirac through one of the windows.
Wow Jaalle, that story had so many facets. It was very well written, and I'm kinda hoping he ditches that confused sirqo for her mother, she can go moan about it on the forums her
YummyMummy wrote:Wow Jaalle, that story had so many facets. It was very well written, and I'm kinda hoping he ditches that confused sirqo for her mother, she can go moan about it on the forums her
Jeelle; what is that? I don’t know what Faqash is but I am not definitely, a Hutu. Hutus are an ethnic group from Rwanda and Burundi. I am a somali. What is Faqash by the way?
Ayaan; Then you must be a dooro or eey dooro?
Jeelle; Dooro? No I am not a hen. I am not Hen dog either.
Ayaan: Then what are you? A wanla weyn?
Jeelle; I am Jeelle, a somali. I am not from Wanla Weyn. What are these labels you are talking about?
Jeelle was by now feeling that there is something profoundly wrong with Ayaan. She must be high on drugs or mentally unfit. He had his doubts when she undressed in the hotel room. But, the notion that he was Dooro, Eey door, Faqash etc cemented his doubts.
This is so hilarious LamG 
