Question for the girls

[Lexmark]

why get married if you cant afford to pay rent? Dumb somalis getting married at 20 without a job or a degree....and they wonder why their marriages fall apart


after 3 months they divorce and the chick is 6 months pregnant....

[Muwahhidah_1]

Would I? No, because I have this very bad image of in-laws and husbands and I believe that wives should live alone. Love grows that way and the first years of marriage should be spent learning about your husband/wife in order to make it grow. If they can't afford living alone then I would understand but personally I would never put myself in that sort of a situation.

I am also an over-bearing control freak (which mothers usually are) so I can't really do any 'controlling' per se with my husband's mother around.

[FAH1223]

Bro, just cause the Pakis do it, doesn't mean we should.

When you get married you're supposed to be independent and atleast be able to feed yourself and your wife while having some sort of roof...whether it be an apartment or something else....

[BABYGIRL123]

Hell no i would never live with my in-laws i need my privacy and a house of my own i would visit them but never move in with them.

[*Nobleman*]

Interesting comments...

Many of you have a tainted cartoon view of mother in laws, there not always evil.

As for those who claim that you shouldnt get married young etc. In my case I already have a degree, working my first graduate job, nearly 22, earning decent money (alhamdulilah), but it was one option i was considering. Besides i'd rather do that then claim cayd that i am not entitled to.

Also some of you have the mentality that getting married young is dumb. WTH did the prophet saw advise men to get married in order to guard their chasity? from the ages of 18-24 it is very hard for men to resist zina, is marriage then not the best option?

[Enlightened~Sista]

Nobleman i agree with you totally..delaying marriage causes all kinds of problems. The younger you marry the better for yourself and society at large.


Do what you have to do.

[*Nobleman*]

Glad someone agrees

we somalis have become like cadaan people in the sense that we delay marriage untill we are 30, financially secure etc. We have began to fear poverty, we must hold faith in Allah to provide for us inshallah. I'm 21, God willing i plan to marry in the next 2 years inshallah.

[Enlightened~Sista]

exactly..and Somali parents should really talk about this more with their children. Marriage has become such a taboo subject subhanallah...there are sisters and brothers hitting their thirties and are still not married..and people arent doing more to help...in fact some of them dont think theres something wrong with that.

We are not like cadaan people ..they have their bf-gf cohabiting arrangements where they can live together for years on end thats if it lasts that long..We do not have that and we cannot/must not imulate them ..parents should help and encourage the youth to get married as soon as possible.

[RebelLion]

Marriage is a big step, as a man unless you are financially capable, don't think about marriage.


Some iraqi dude was telling me how shias are allowed to practice 'temporary marriages', which sounds great because it's all the benefits of marriage( ) and none of the financial and commitment hassle. But I wonder if somali girls would agree to that. Instead of getting married young and divorcing, it's a better alternative.

[Qumanyoo]

my cousin did it (moved in with her in laws)..
she moved in with her in laws straight after and stayed for a year whilst pregnant ..
she regretted it tho..
and when the couple both moved back to where she lives .. she and he got aggro because somalis see it as a thing where the guy moves away from the area.

[Enlightened~Sista]

Marriage is a big step, as a man unless you are financially capable, don't think about marriage.


Some iraqi dude was telling me how shias are allowed to practice 'temporary marriages', which sounds great because it's all the benefits of marriage( ) and none of the financial and commitment hassle. But I wonder if somali girls would agree to that. Instead of getting married young and divorcing, it's a better alternative.

Mut'ca is totally wrong in my opinion nothing 'great' about it What is wrong if a brother makes a commitment to a sister from the start? Isnt this what our religion Islam calls for?..how can anyone enter into a marriage contract knowing well in advance that it is TEMPORARY?? it can last from as long as 15 mins - 100 years (fatwaa from Shia scholars) and whats worse the man is not responsible for the upkeep of the woman or any kids born in such a marriage ( read Ayatollah Khomeini's book..forgot what its called..cant believe i saw it in an Oxfam charity shop)

Basically that marriage is not about having a stable home life..forming lasting bonds. Its seems to be about sexual gratification nothing else..hence the temporary nature of it.


No one is saying the youth cant get married..if only parents bare them for a few years till they are able to get their own place ..be independant..and help them in whatever way..it wouldnt be a problem. They ofcourse should also be helping themselves..and not sponging off their parents.

[RebelLion]

Marriage is a big step, as a man unless you are financially capable, don't think about marriage.


Some iraqi dude was telling me how shias are allowed to practice 'temporary marriages', which sounds great because it's all the benefits of marriage( ) and none of the financial and commitment hassle. But I wonder if somali girls would agree to that. Instead of getting married young and divorcing, it's a better alternative.

Mut'ca is totally wrong in my opinion nothing 'great' about it What is wrong if a brother makes a commitment to a sister from the start? Isnt this what our religion Islam calls for?..how can anyone enter into a marriage contract knowing well in advance that it is TEMPORARY?? it can last from as long as 15 mins - 100 years (fatwaa from Shia scholars) and whats worse the man is not responsible for the upkeep of the woman or any kids born in such a marriage ( read Ayatollah Khomeini's book..forgot what its called..cant believe i saw it in an Oxfam charity shop)

Basically that marriage is not about having a stable home life..forming lasting bonds. Its seems to be about sexual gratification nothing else..hence the temporary nature of it.


No one is saying the youth cant get married..if only parents bare them for a few years till they are able to get their own place ..be independant..and help them in whatever way..it wouldnt be a problem. They ofcourse should also be helping themselves..and not sponging off their parents.

Well let's be realistic, most guys wanna get married at a young age because of 'sexual gratification' and everything else is secondary thought, I know the shica practice is wrong, but I can understand the practicality of it. Marriage is a financial, emotional nightmare and most youth can't handle it, hence why the overwhelming number of those marriages fail.

But I did come across this an islamic forum, which says that marriage with the intention of divorce is permissible.

"It is mentioned in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, the great Hanafi reference work commissioned by the righteous Moghul sultan Aurangzeb (1618-1707),
"If someone marries without condition, and is in their intention to remain with her for a time that he intends [f: and then to divorce her], then the marriage is valid, as mentioned [by Zayla`i] in al-Tabyin." [al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 1.283]"

[stakiin]

why would a married man bring his wife to live with his family? are you insane?

tradition ?? ever heard of it ?

[Kolombo]

Mut'ah or temporary marriages are forbidden according to this authentic hadith:

It was narrated from al-Rabee' ibn Sabrah al-Juhani that his father told him that he was with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said, "O people, I used to allow you to engage in mut'ah marriages, but now Allaah has forbidden that until the Day of Resurrection, so whoever has any wives in a mut'ah marriage, he should let her go and do not take anything of the (money) you have given them."

Narrated by Muslim, 1406.

Source: http://islamqa.com/en/ref/20738/temporary%20marriage

[LadyKastumo]

would you like living with the girls family? we tryna get up out the house not stay wit family for another 2 years. Might as well wait for another farax that can afford a spot!