SomaliNet Forums

You're on the "Marriage is half of your deen" boat then.

BlackVelvet wrote:Qoraxeey you are going to have to think about it eventually, waa su'aal that's not going to go away unfortunately.

ms.naliaa wrote:

I would give up my career plans for raise a family.
Theres no doubt in my mind, my family comes first...my children and husband are more important than my job....having said that...I would try to find some type of work just to keep my senses.

Am I the only one who this certainty doesn't come naturally to.

You remind me a lot of my other sister who got her b.s. '10. She wants to get her masters and eventually go for her PH.D, and the last thing she says is on her mind is marriage. I know she's just as intelligent as I am (and maybe because of age just a lil bit more) , and that she aint going to let anything get buckled down from her dreams. And talking to her I know it aint an easy decision for her, because she does naturally want to be a mother and raise kids. The toughest thing for her is who is she going to marry, he definitely has to be able to support her with his income, and he has to accommodate her needs and desires. And I don't think she will ever be like her mom who has some five kids, three probably at max. But it isn't so sad, shes optimistic about it, and shes pretty determined.

I want an educated women, who we can raise our kids together. I want her to homeschool them too. And not to work more than part time.

Another thing is a Somali woman, with a Masters and a PhD...very few Somali men would be comfortable with a woman that smart. Someone actually once advised me to not get "too qualified" because it's too intimidating, I was like nigga wa, how does that make sense in your head?

Yh my big sister is like that she is a business manager and is the manager of an entire team and gets really good money as well as working a very good job.

But she has this same problem, and she keeps saying no when some men ask her for marriage, as she earns more than the man and they want her to not have a job, stay at home etc.

She keeps saying no to this, I don't think she will ever get married

BlackVelvet wrote:You're on the "Marriage is half of your deen" boat then.

Marriage is half ur deen though... The prophet said so..

Anywho in this day and age, marriage is a good idea for most young people who can't fight the temptations .. Me, personally, I would get married and then, work part time. You can't be working full time cos the kids , house and husband are gonna get neglected..

Careers ... Ermmm I would never ever put off marriage for too long cos I want a specific career.. It gets harder for women to have kids as they age ... It's a typical gaallo thing to put off marriage and kids cos of a career.

Don't leave it past 25 I say...

Depends also on what you want in life and what your aims are.

ms.naliaa wrote:BV...you have an emotional disconnection with people in general. You tend to see things as black or white...Right or Wrong.
You cant see yourself being a mother and career woman because you dont think its a possibility...you feel like you have to give one up for the other.
And you giving up your career is like you givig up on your entire past and everything you have done up to this point in your life in irrelevant if you will give it up for a man and a children.....

Things dont always have to make sense logically to make you happy.

loool Nalia you're funny lakin you have a point. If I were to give up my career plans then I would feel that most of my efforts up to that point were wasted. Because when it came to school, experience, career prospects I didn't just do the bare minimum I put in the extra effort so it would actually cause me physical pain to stay at home for the rest of my life, it doesn't bare thinking about.

But ultimately I still want kids and a big family of my own, which is why the balance issue is always in my mind with almost every choice and I was hoping that I could moan about it for a little while with other girls but I'm starting to think I'm the only one on here. SMH that just depressed me more

BlackVelvet wrote:Another thing is a Somali woman, with a Masters and a PhD...very few Somali men would be comfortable with a woman that smart. Someone actually once advised me to not get "too qualified" because it's too intimidating, I was like nigga wa, how does that make sense in your head?

I don't see whats so intimidating as long as it doesn't go to the persons head. It's not like getting a high degree makes you the most inteligent person in the world, it definetly shows your a hardworker and have acheived something. If you make more money than I do so what, means vacation and presents for the kids is on you. Degree and High paying job, marhaba, where do I sign. Now if I wanted to have financial dominance over her, then that wouldn't be such a good idea.

Shit I need suga mama so I can go ahead with my dreams.

KingMJ wrote:Yh my big sister is like that she is a business manager and is the manager of an entire team and gets really good money as well as working a very good job.

But she has this same problem, and she keeps saying no when some men ask her for marriage, as she earns more than the man and they want her to not have a job, stay at home etc.

She keeps saying no to this, I don't think she will ever get married

Strong woman

Maybe we should introduce her to my bigger brother, he wouldn't ask her to give up her job

Perfect_Order wrote:

BlackVelvet wrote:Another thing is a Somali woman, with a Masters and a PhD...very few Somali men would be comfortable with a woman that smart. Someone actually once advised me to not get "too qualified" because it's too intimidating, I was like nigga wa, how does that make sense in your head?

I don't see whats so intimidating as long as it doesn't go to the persons head. It's not like getting a high degree makes you the most inteligent person in the world, it definetly shows your a hardworker and have acheived something. If you make more money than I do so what, means vacation and presents for the kids is on you. Degree and High paying job, marhaba, where do I sign. Now if I wanted to have financial dominance over her, then that wouldn't be such a good idea.

Shit I need suga mama so I can go ahead with my dreams.

BlackVelvet wrote:loool Nalia you're funny lakin you have a point. If I were to give up my career plans then I would feel that most of my efforts up to that point were wasted. Because when it came to school, experience, career prospects I didn't just do the bare minimum I put in the extra effort so it would actually cause me physical pain to stay at home for the rest of my life, it doesn't bare thinking about.

But you dont have to stay at home for the rest of your life, you are just putting your career on hold. If you get back to work in your 40s, it leaves you with 20 years to build your career before becoming a pensioner. Its important though to work hard and get qualification in your 20s, it will set you for life.

Personally i would get married at 30 and get get pregnant so when i'm 40 years old and i got my pension from the US army i will be able to give my kid whatever he wants plus we'd travel more.

Leila25 wrote:But you dont have to stay at home for the rest of your life, you are just putting your career on hold. If you get back to work in your 40s, it leaves you with 20 years to build your career before becoming a pensioner. Its important though to work hard and get qualification in your 20s, it will set you for life.

That is true, if you wanted to build a career after you're 40 you could still do it, it wouldn't be easy but it's not impossible. However it would be like starting from scratch especially if you went on to have kids before you got some serious experience. Even if you had an established career and went on to take a 10/20 year break there are very few careers that you could just walk back into anyway. It's not easy but where there's a will there's a way. I guess it just comes down to what you want and how badly you want it.

BlackVelvet wrote:You're on the "Marriage is half of your deen" boat then.

Marriage Is A Blessing.. It Will Stop/Reduce All The Temptations And Sinfuls Acts (Clubbing, Dating, Dressing In Tight Revealing Clothes..Ect) That Will Come Your Way While You Chasing Your Career/Dream.

Du$ty wrote:

BlackVelvet wrote:You're on the "Marriage is half of your deen" boat then.

Marriage Is A Blessing.. It Will Stop/Reduce All The Temptations And Sinfuls Acts (Clubbing, Dating, Dressing In Tight Revealing Clothes..Ect) That Will Come Your Way While You Chasing Your Career/Dream.

How, you tied her up to the stove?

I kid, I kid. Marriage must be a good thing, otherwise we wouldn't be told to get married. But like everything else it won't change who you are and what you want. Waa iska excuse this whole "it's half my deen" so I'll do that and God will take care of everything else.