What is etiquette for Somali marriage

[ina aadan]

Haa wuu ill la´yahay oo wuu gacan la´yahay oo wuu lug la´yahay oo hadan meelkale buu la´yahay hadda waana garanayn e.
Waan yaabay markaan arkay waliba miiska buu wada dhigay gacantii iyo ishii iyo lugtii.

[HELWAA]

Miskiin..maan ogayn.Ilayen ninku wuu laxaad la'yahy.

[zingii]

[Hyperactive]

Don't you have older male relatives to guide you through the process?

Well according to Islam, all you need is a sheikh to do the Meher, and give the girl her Nikkah, and that it,
But Somalis make it so complicated with Yarat, sooriyat, tribal rules and regulations, and many unnecessary waste of time, you can't expect ppl to know all that, not to mention we are westerners.

you just need to know aht her family etiquette, cause seems each family have different ways.

mine is: you like a girl(maybe you heard about her from sisters), you talk to your mom, sisters, to call her mother, ask for appointment and tell them the reason they're coming ( our son is ready for marriage and looking/shopping around for a pride, and your family is one of the families we picked , and inshallah wah isla weyni meyno). they will go, after they like what they seen from the family and the girl. then the guys will go , only you and your father, granpa and brothers, maybe your real uncle. no trible or friends in this process, strickly family only.

girl has to come out and great the guy and his male family,serve them cofee/tea. no promisses yet, they just ask, what you do for living/education , where you work who you work with, who you know that they possibily can visit and ask about you, and general info about you. her father/brother take your info and tell you he will ask about you at work or people you socialize with.

you wait like a week or so to call back if they like you and agreed, you process, if no, they call you and say: naseeb iskuma lihideen, inanteeda kuma siineyno. ofcourse in nicest way.

[BlackVelvet]

You have to talk to the girl first. Make sure she accepts your proposal and get a rough idea of the mehr she wants. What you do after that depends on your family and hers. It could be an informal introduction next; you and your parents, her and her parents meeting for dinner or it could be a formal "soo doonasho" if you bring your qabiil folk and they bring their qabiil folk then sooriyo comes into the picture...I think that would then mean that you pay sooriyo twice because during the nikaax there would be all the odayaal present.

girl has to come out and great the guy and his male family,serve them cofee/tea. no promisses yet, they just ask, what you do for living/education , where you work who you work with, who you know that they possibily can visit and ask about you, and general info about you. her father/brother take your info and tell you he will ask about you at work or people you socialize with.

you wait like a week or so to call back if they like you and agreed, you process, if no, they call you and say: naseeb iskuma lihideen, inanteeda kuma siineyno. ofcourse in nicest way.

Wow

Very straight forward.

[zingii]

Aniga dhawr jeneraal lagu daray kaabo qaabiilo oo uu sii dheeryahay ugaaska beesha barakaysan ee zingii baa rintoo dhan dhameeyay.

[greenday]

I would love to go one doonsho event but its men only , I only recently found out how the nikkah thing is done through a video. The donasho for wadaads and Asians happens like hyper said and for the normal folks; you tell your family someone is going to come but sometimes the boy and your parent/ family have already met one way or another and you have met his family, everyone knows you guys are "dating/shukansing" so its matter of time. when you are ready you both tell your families then his family will call your dad and say we have an import thing we want to talk about bla bla can we come to your house or the girl just says cideey walidin soo socdaa malin hebel. Then there is qado at the girls home when the men talk (this is where i want to go and see what they talk about and how the asking is done) the sooryo is given here. I think. i've heard that some people sooryo kalama qataan e.g. close qabiil and the further the qabiil gets the more the sooryo you pay. I think there are set amounts each qabiil pays to another but am not sure. and thats that really.

[IRONm@N]

I like hyber's idea of the two families meeting and the girl coming out to bring food, to see how competent she is at recieving guests, and families having the option to call back, its like employment.

[Cumar-Labasuul]

If the girl and you have come to an agreemen to get married (and decided on a meher and other stuff) then the next step is for your father/uncle (adeer/abti)/other older male relative to phone her father (or other mahram) to give her away. If it is agreed then comes the nikaax
In one summer I have been to three nikaax (my sisters' and my cousin) and it was a funny experience. Funny old men from family tol and neighbours come to talk eat and get their money (gabaati) and more importantly qaadeey