Biggest Reason I Wouldn't Marry A Second Wife

[1nemansquad]

not interested in a second wife, personal choice; dealing with one maryooleey is hectic enough

[Murax]

Greenday,


watchu tryna do here



Abukar,

I feel u man. Maybe it works out for u. Let me know how it goes


Advo,

The 'Bah Bah' stuff is more serious than u think. It turns into intense competition, jealousy, envy, and since Women are weak they will pass the jealosies they had buried deep inside to their kids.

[BanadirBeauty]

murax, sxb you should have high ambitions dee. ilmaha waa nimco ilaah, the more the merrier. hal xaas qiyaastii waxay kuu dhali kartaa 15 kids, kawaran hadii 3 ama 4 xaas yeelatid, markaasi adaaba juffo ah . i always wish i could be the patriach of a great big family, living in a big house in wardhiigley, all my grandkids would snuggle up and i wud tell them funny stories of the past

[SultanOrder]

If only more girls were like BB, did she use to say I don't mind him having another wife for the sake of tolka

[BanadirBeauty]

^That's going back some time.

[SultanOrder]

Hadaba ma is badashay?

[Adali]

1 woman = trouble

2 women = 1/2 trouble + 1/2 trouble

3 women = 1/3 trouble + 1/3 trouble + 1/3 trouble

4 women = 1/4 trouble + 1/4 trouble +1/4 trouble + 1/4 trouble

however you look at it trouble does not go away.

there is no solution mate so enjoy these inconsistent, illogical creatures in abundance and do not try to reason with them, spend your time with them efficiently and in short intervals, if you make enough money there should not be much trouble, love is a fantasy, never entrust your heart to any woman.

children specially sons will not be ruled by emotions in the long run, after all they are small men, aslong as you do not show favouritism openly amongst their mothers they should be fine, when they grow up they will understand you even more. take care of your kids and bring them together with their cousins during holidays.

[BlackVelvet]

Is it possible not to resent a father if he's hardly ever there because he's with his other family and his other kids?

If a man wants to have more than one wife they should all live in the same house or the same street or at most the same city so he sees his kids every night. Somali men are so irresponsible.

[Murax]

Is it possible not to resent a father if he's hardly ever there because he's with his other family and his other kids?

If a man wants to have more than one wife they should all live in the same house or the same street or at most the same city so he sees his kids every night. Somali men are so irresponsible.

Even if He did all that, that wouldn't stop the Lady from speaking bad about Him no matter what He did in front of Her kids. That being said the way Somalis do it I admit is bafoonery but frankly sometimes its not. Take for examples the ones that marry a girl in Africa while they're married here. Sure the Girl or the kids that come won't "have their family around" yet their life prospects and quality of life increased exponentialy as well as the Kids. That kid who's able to go to school, has a house to go home to in Africa while His dad is in America probably thinks He's the best Dad on the planet even though He's not around. Really its a compliacated issue. Its definitely not for Me, and I'm man enough to say that at the same time it definitely works for a lot of people.

[BlackVelvet]

You are making it seem like he sprung out of nowhere with 2 wives in 2 continents. This man made the decision to either leave his wife and children in Africa come to the West and start another family while sending cheques to make up for his absence and help his conscience along. Otherwise he's married here in the West, goes to Africa shacks up with a young girl and leaves her pregnant as through Africa is a halal brothel. There is no excuse. If he'd thought ahead he'd have seen the lives he would turn upside down and the children that would have to grow up without a father because he was too busy with his other family or maybe he did and his Abdi was more important.

[Daff]

After 20 years of civil war,, what is the ratio Somali men to Women. This is the right time for Qarabo kiil, So guys get as many as 4 wives if you can, forget about this bah bah staff, we don't get along anyway, and girls it is time to share don't be greedy.

[Aemon85]

For someone who has a Grandfather that had almost 30 kids with different Wives, and having a lot Uncles/Aunts who are "Half Bros/Sis" with My Parents, and also looking at other family who married more than one Wife the bottom line is Your kids with the different Wives will flat out hate each other and chances are You in trying to juggle relationships with both Wives (Families) will end up not being particular close to Your kids. Bottom line is most Women if they're not happy will bash the Father in front of the kids, which is irrisponsible in my book but hey it is what it is which leads to the kids growing up bitter and resentful of their Dad. Sure on the surface it doesn't sound too bad at all, but the juice is just not worth the squeeze.

My father( ilaahay unaxariisto) was married to more that one woman, the result? allot of kids or as they say in Somali laandheer , but unfortunately we are not a close nit family at all, I have been raised by hooyo my whole life, so i had little relationship with aabo and since he was not around to keep the big family together, we all kinda went our separate ways.

Now that i am a little older i have made a great effort to build stronger ties with my family.

[Murax]

You are making it seem like he sprung out of nowhere with 2 wives in 2 continents. This man made the decision to either leave his wife and children in Africa come to the West and start another family while sending cheques to make up for his absence and help his conscience along. Otherwise he's married here in the West, goes to Africa shacks up with a young girl and leaves her pregnant as through Africa is a halal brothel. There is no excuse. If he'd thought ahead he'd have seen the lives he would turn upside down and the children that would have to grow up without a father because he was too busy with his other family or maybe he did and his Abdi was more important.

Subxanallah, Halal should never be deomonized like this. How can "Halaal" and "Brothel" be in the same sentence. Bottom line is some Men usually when they're a little bit older take up the task of marrying a needy girl from their tribe usually as a way to basically do a service to their relatives and also bring new kids into the world. Don't get Me wrong, I'm not gonna say that their intentions are so noble and pure and that they are also not looking for something (A new wife) but in many cases it turns out to be a win win and that cannot be denied. Bottom line is humans have different needs and wants. In a place like Africa or the Middle East a Kid Has a Father pretty much everywhere. Family circiles are A LOT bigger there and a kid probably has more male elders to look up to. In America its different and the role of a Father being present is WAY more important. The Somali Family in the middle of a famine in Somalia, if You interview 1 million distraught Somali Women there if You posed the question: Would You rather have Your Husband here, or would You rather have Him in America providing for You Guys and see if they all don't say why is He still here 'bax soco'


For these Women the world isn't peaches and ice scream, and many of them would be estatic at nin islaam ah oo dhaqan karo friggin 2nd wife or not. But a lot of girls who grew up in the disaspora the Walk To Remember, Notebook, Titanic Generation ofcourse are oblivious to this.



Aemon85,

My point exactly, yet I do commend Your maturity and pragmatism in building stronger ties with Your family.

[BlackVelvet]

So then you buy a distraught young girl because you want something on the side with all your human needs and she needs food. And all in all you are doing your tol a favour? GTFOH with that bullcrap. I won't push it because this applies to a lot of people's fathers but it is selfishness they could give that money to those people in need with no strings attached when you expect sex in return it's not charity dear there's a name for it.

It has nothing to do with tinted rose glasses, if it is all about money and people in need as you argue then what I said is completely accurate. Also the thought that a kid, just because he/she happens to be in Africa, doesn't need his/her father around is ridiculous. Nothing makes kids in the diaspora more special than those back home, those ones have to grow up faster and fend for themselves not because they want to but because they have to. Shame on you for trying to justify their lack of childhood and giving these ones full claim to it.

[Murax]

So then you buy a distraught young girl because you want something on the side with all your human needs and she needs food. And all in all you are doing your tol a favour? GTFOH with that bullcrap. I won't push it because this applies to a lot of people's fathers but it is selfishness they could give that money to those people in need with no strings attached when you expect sex in return it's not charity dear there's a name for it.
It has nothing to do with tinted rose glasses, if it is all about money and people in need as you argue then what I said is completely accurate. Also the thought that a kid, just because he/she happens to be in Africa, doesn't need his/her father around is ridiculous. Nothing makes kids in the diaspora more special than those back home, those ones have to grow up faster and fend for themselves not because they want to but because they have to. Shame on you for trying to justify their lack of childhood and giving these ones full claim to it.

Inaalilah

BV, I cannot lie even in My harshest disagreements with You, You crack me up with ur wittiness.

First of all, I have no dog in this fight, nor do I have any vested interest in making this case. Like I said before, obviously there IS a string attatched but the point I'm making is those strings bring MUTAL benefits to both parties considering their life circumstances. Sure You can say "Why doesn't he just send her money" but lets be real there is many times Where that clearance sale they're having at this electronics store will divert You away from making that run to Dhahabshiil whereas if the person is they're Wife they feel obligated to take care of that person AND Her kids. Don't get Me wrong, I think that those kids He has in Africa SHOULD have their Father around, however I think You're being very idealistic in thinking that, thats always gonna be the case. This is a messed up world, and sometimes a Husband who's gonna provide well for Her and the kids, while she only sees Him for 3 months a year is a WAY better alternative to other options. Again I think You're charecterization of a Man marrying a second wife as some horny dude who just pounced on some innocent girl back home and had kids with Her is a horrible, demeaning way to put it. Ninka hadu gabadha XALAAL ku guursaday in a dignified manner, then You are wrong to potray that as such a ugly manner.