Somalis View of Marriage

[kambuli]

Af-libaax,

April, of last year I have participated on two weddings. One was my first cousin's wedding the other one was my colleague at work’s. Let me share with you how both of them happened and their situation today.

My cousin and his future wife were both young. My cousin was 24yrs and his girl was 20. When they decided to marry both have a savings of only $20.000. The parents of the girl wanted a big wedding and they also wanted for their daughter nice furniture and stuff. The boy ( my cousin) on the other hand wanted a nikax and a small wedding . There was hardly any meeting ground between, him and the family. He loved the girl so much so he had to give in and let the family dictate. An expensive wedding, furniture and all they wanted….Now after a year they live in a small apartment which they pay $1,300.00 a month, still struggling paying the loan for the wedding and the furniture.

My co-worker who is 23yrs got married the same month, they had a very small wedding 30 people. Immediately they put their savings as a down payment for a townhouse, their parents contributed towards their closing expenses and now the girl is pregnant and expecting her first child which is a girl. My friend( colleague) at work is an American.

You be the Judge now…. Our weddings or other people’s weddings?

Also my best friend who lives in Virginia told that there were 3 weddings that were cancelled simply because the future pride, the groom and the families did not agree on the weddings… isn’t that sad?

It is my personal belief that we( Somalis) need to open a dialogue about this extravagance and showoff weddings. Most of the time those hundreds of people that are invited to the wedding are even unknown to the pride and the pridegroom. What is also up with this Sooryo thing that is given to men who came to the engagement? I believe we need to be very realistic about life and what is more important for our future families. This is my honest input… But if we want to joke around then I will say someone should pay 100 camels, sooryo yarad etc to the so called reer of the pride

[Gamadid.]

Basra, you failed in your analysis, I wasn't talking about me in particular but in the general sense. May be I know how girls who are in love think

[ERROR]

This dude told me he spent about $20K on his wedding and he and his wife now live in a government subsidized one bedroom. I deleted him from my phonebook contact list


[quote="Af_libaax"]Why Somali marriage is becoming more sophisticated and expensive ? My opnion there are two aspect effects today how Somalis View Marriage Religion and Somali Culture , Religion View is basically required both of them must be believers and old enough and the groom has to accept the Meher requirement which generally protects the bride arbitrary divorce , widowed and povert ,.

On the other hand The Somali Culture View of marriage is the messy One Number One Todays marriage both family has to approve Your gene (tribe) ,secondly the groom has to Pay ransom money to bride relatives ( SOORYO ) or YARAD , than the Poor man has to deal ( Four Season Hotel Wedding ) why We have to go through that .

Please explain to Us Basra Kambuli Gacaliso and the atheist Somalilight .

,[/quote]

[Dhaga Bacayl]

[quote="Af_libaax"]
On the other hand The Somali Culture View of marriage is the messy One Number One Todays marriage both family has to approve Your gene (tribe) ,secondly the groom has to Pay ransom money to bride relatives ( SOORYO ) or YARAD , than the Poor man has to deal ( Four Season Hotel Wedding ) why We have to go through that .

,[/quote]




Do people really do those things these days?

P.S. I think the Somali ritual of the groom paying the wedding expenses is a good thing not to mention the right thing to do. Everything else besides that such as Sooryo is just wrong.

[kambuli]

Dahaga, quote "P.S. I think the Somali ritual of the groom paying the wedding expenses is a good thing not to mention the right thing to do"

I do not agree with you. What is wrong with sharing? We are not in the old age in which the guy was the sole bread winner. Now both of them have the same opportunity. In many cases the girl makes more money than the guy... What is wrong with if she contributes to her own household? Nothing wrong.

The only thing that both of them should be carefull is not to fall for someone who is looking for booty. There are nowdays lazy guys who are looking for a hard working wife so they sleep and have someone take care of them... the same thing is true for women...

Just do not throw away your money with nonsense like impressing other people etc it is not difficult to live a simple realistic life... Just be honest and be yourself... And walaahay you will be happy...

[Gacalisa]

af-libaax

Well traditionally the somali weddings hardly followed the way a wedding is suppose to be.

Religiously, a wedding can only take place when everyone agrees that the wedding can take place. the father, all the brother of the girls family must allow her, and they must do the nikkah in a proper way. In the wedding celebration, man and wome must be seperate, the only music allowed are drums, for entertainment. which means buraabur is the only kind of music allowed, though i wouldnt call it music.

traditionally, the somali wedding is crazy. it spends so much money on useless and xaram things. they allow men and women to be together, they play music, and the girl is almost always not covered up, as if that she wont get any dambi on her wedding day.

its also sad, that during the somali nikkah the man does not sign the contract. with out the signature, then there is no prove of exactly what the girl asked for. the contract allows the girl to get everything she wants. Also, if the girl does not want her husband to marry others, she can state it in the contract, and if he signs he can never marry another. which is good. but we hardly follow it.

shit i am make sure insha allah, that my husband signs it.

[Af_libaax]

Gamadiid

it doesn't matter how much She loves him , if he was bailed out his own wedding QARASH , he must be the biggest Farah Lazy Call him the house husband , while his wife is the bread winner . I bet if he can Clean the house or Wash the dishes .

Kambuli

Thank you for sharing with Us the story of your cousin's wedding , look how these People ruined financially your cousin's New family , even it would be more struggle for them if a New bayby comes along with all debts hanging with their shoulders . My Opinion from Now on the New brides should stand up and explain their families put first my Newly family financial security NO Sooryo for Farah lazy , and budget their wedding what they can afford ,, Time changes old bad habits must change .

Gacaliso

Very smart Young lady most girls don't even care about the MEHER and that is where all the power of the bride rests , she can demand a written her wishes , BuT no make mistake The more you financially light to the groom the more HASSANAT you get,, its UP to You Gacaliso

[Gacalisa]

[quote=af-libaax] BuT no make mistake The more you financially light to groom the more HASSANAT you get its UP to You Gacaliso"


Af-Libaax, what do you mean, confused here. [/quote]

[Af_libaax]

Gacaliso

I mean the less money you demanded for your Meher the more AJAR you will get . You know lately some girls demand leg and Aram


SomaliSizZ

if the Somali style wedding is too much Xaraam music , what is your Opinion Qurbo Siraad , under ground marriage , be honest you know these men are already married men .

[BLUE RUSH]

i would likew a simple wedding (if i ever get married that is)
no faanan no local singer..!!

not a big posh hotel some sweet and simple
all i need is my friends and my family and obviously my husband around on that day

[BLUE RUSH]

i would likew a simple wedding (if i ever get married that is)
no faanan no local singer..!!

not a big posh hotel some sweet and simple
all i need is my friends and my family and obviously my husband around on that day