What Happens in A Somali Divorce

[Koronto91]

GB,

The only way a Meher can be returned to the man is if the marriage was not consummated (they did not sleep together), but if they did, then he is not entitled to anything.

If the man promised a Meher, but never paid to the bride, he is expected to pay the Meher during the divorce.

He is also in charge of her well-being for the next 3 months ('Iddah period), regardless of whether they had kids together or not.


AW,

I work in the health field myself and I see Somali families with like a million kids everyday, I see the toll this has on them both financially and mentally. Specially on the poor women who have kids like every year, they never get out of post-partum depression and nobody seems to even notice.

[Gedo_Boy]

meher waa lacagtii lagu mehersado gabada.....how can it be paid upon divorce?

The only reason I can come up with is if they agreed on a meher but the guy never paid it.

[Koronto91]

Haa waa lacagtii lagu mehersadey gabadha, but some men only make a promise and never pay, in this instance, they must pay upon the divorce proceedings.

[Gedo_Boy]

Koronto91,

exactly! that was what I was thinking.

[AbdiWahab252]

GedobOy,

Better give Cambaro a Bankers Cheque at the nikaax.

Koronto:

Somalis need education on reproductive health. Btw, are u studying to become a OB/GYN ?

[Leila2007]

Koronto
[quote][/quote]The use of contraceptions in the first 2-3 years of marriage is a necessity in order for the marriage to take shape. Once kids arrive, the couple will no longer have time to bond. Unfortunately, in our culture, having kids is expected as soon as the marriage vows are said.

I see married couples having 3 or 4 kids in their 3rd year of marriage, that shyt is not healthy!

That is the idea situation but with faraxs and their mum being on the side well you must be pregnant within months or else they start asking what is happening :lol

I know of a girl that got divorced because of using contraception immeditely after getting married

[HELWAA]

Koronto

Subxanallah......walaal waad ogtahy the whole point of getting married is to have children....Nabiygi (csw) wuxu yeri umada badiya.....think about what you say walaal........nin iyo naagi hadey is hortaagnadan 4 sano bila caruur aakhirka waa la is nacaya.

[AbdiWahab252]

Leila,

I will take my wifey to my OBGYN friend to fix her to prevent any unwanted pregnancy until the crucial 24 months are passed.

[revolter]

[quote="AbdiWahab252"]Folks I need to get the low down on what happens during Somali divorce proceedings.

I know the meher gets paid to the woman. Is there anything more that needs to be done ? Do u meet with the ex-wife's family ?[/quote]

just make sure u take a shower before she takes ones.....it is not good if she takes one before u....i don't ppl say...some n some....but we were instructed in Islam to take a shower so it is a religious thing...

[Leila2007]

Abdi

As I said before you are the man


21st century farax walle

[zulaika]

[quote="HELWAA"]Koronto

Subxanallah......walaal waad ogtahy the whole point of getting married is to have children....Nabiygi (csw) wuxu yeri umada badiya.....think about what you say walaal........nin iyo naagi hadey is hortaagnadan 4 sano bila caruur aakhirka waa la is nacaya. [/quote]


helwaa,

in other words, your warshad will go into production as soon as u get hitched miyaa?

[HELWAA]

[quote="zulaika"][quote="HELWAA"]Koronto

Subxanallah......walaal waad ogtahy the whole point of getting married is to have children....Nabiygi (csw) wuxu yeri umada badiya.....think about what you say walaal........nin iyo naagi hadey is hortaagnadan 4 sano bila caruur aakhirka waa la is nacaya. [/quote]


helwaa,

in other words, your warshad will go into production as soon as u get hitched miyaa? [/quote]


yes if allah gave me healthy children.....why not

[Koronto91]

Helwaa,

Walaal, I never write anything that will conflict with the tenets of Islam.

Regarding the use of contraception, this is what Islam says:

Question:

Is it permissable for a woman to go on the pill (female contraception) prior to her marriage, so as to avoid pregnancy in case the marriage does not work out (ie. she becomes pregnant and then they divorce and she is left with the child)? Should she inform her spouse on the wedding night or prior to the nikkah that she is on the pill? In light of the above, is it permissible to use contraceptives to avoid pregnancy in the event that the marriage might not work out (ie for the first year of the marriage)?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If it is medically proven that birth control pills are harmful to women, then it is not permissible to use them either before marriage or afterwards, on the basis of the rule that no harm should be done. This rule is based on the aayaat (interpretation of the meanings):

“And do not kill yourselves” [al-Nisa’ 4:29]

“and do not throw yourselves into destruction” [al-Baqarah 2:195]

Unless it is possible to produce pills that are free of harmful side effects, they should not be taken.

As for using any non-harmful means of contraception at the beginning of marriage, fearing that the marriage may not work out, there are a number of reservations about this, such as:

The fuqahaa’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stipulated the condition for ‘azl (coitus interruptus) or other forms of contraception used by the woman, that it should only be done with the permission of the other spouse, because both of them have the right to have children. So it is not permissible for the wife to take birth control pills without her husband’s permission and consent.

Source: http://www.islamqa.com/index.php?ref=51 ... traception
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I see neglectful husbands who do not pray or provide for their families and get all religious when someone suggests to them they should practice family planning.

As Somalis, we pick & choose what we want out of the deen and since Somali tradition advocates for having kids in the first 9 months of marriage, Somali couples blindly follow this societal expectation without thinking twice about the consequences, even though Islam permits them to use contraceptives or delay kids between pregnancies.

[AbdiWahab252]

Koronto:



Thanks for the post.

No way I am having caruur until 24 months later.

Saxiib, another question:

Would you make you and your spouse take STD exams before marriage ?

[Koronto91]

AW,

I have handled cases of Somali pregnant women with all sorts of STDs, I doubt that they have been sleeping around, but someone else has obviously been busy, while they have been dishing out 2 kids every year.

Yes, you both should get tested for STDs, if she has nothing to hide, she will be very happy about it and it will establish confidence in your marriage.