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What bullshit is this? Leave her to collect cats. Simple.

Nanees wrote:

Nabeela wrote:

BlackVelvet wrote:What are you going to do when you fall out of love?

Look at the bright side atleast there aren't any kids holding you together, you can walk out the door with no guilt or hesitation, but what if you have kids and fall out of love, you have no choice but to stay and be miserable for the rest of your life.

you guys are such defeatists.

I would hate it even more if i fell out of love with somebody but had to stay for kids. Love isnt a mood, it's a commitment.

I know alot of folks in that situation, they hate the guy, but have no choice but to stay with him for the sake of the kids.

Nabeela wrote:

Nanees wrote:

Nabeela wrote: Look at the bright side atleast there aren't any kids holding you together, you can walk out the door with no guilt or hesitation, but what if you have kids and fall out of love, you have no choice but to stay and be miserable for the rest of your life.

you guys are such defeatists.

I would hate it even more if i fell out of love with somebody but had to stay for kids. Love isnt a mood, it's a commitment.

I know alot of folks in that situation, they hate the guy, but have no choice but to stay with him for the sake of the kids.

How long were they married for before they had kids.

Nanees wrote:Love isnt a mood, it's a commitment

Yuck commitment is a liability, who wants to stick to someone because of a sense of duty?

Nabeela wrote:Look at the bright side atleast there aren't any kids holding you together, you can walk out the door with no guilt or hesitation, but what if you have kids and fall out of love, you have no choice but to stay and be miserable for the rest of your life.

Lakin when you do, whoever could have had kids will be regretting all the time they wasted...

BlackVelvet wrote:

Nanees wrote:Love isnt a mood, it's a commitment

Yuck commitment is a liability, who wants to stick to someone because of a sense of duty?

Nabeela wrote:Look at the bright side atleast there aren't any kids holding you together, you can walk out the door with no guilt or hesitation, but what if you have kids and fall out of love, you have no choice but to stay and be miserable for the rest of your life.

Lakin when you do, whoever could have had kids will be regretting all the time they wasted...

When the duty is based off the emotion, it's liable to fade. The emotion should be based off the duty.

Yes. She didn't choose to be infertile, so I think it would be cruel to punish her for that. Actually it's double punishment for her, first she can't have kids and then she's abandoned because of it. Nah that's not right.

Besides you're supposed to marry for your significant other, not for kids. Kids are and have always been optional. Without a doubt kids are the icing on the cake of a marriage: something good that is added to another good. But you can still have your cake and eat it.

The only downside of not having kids is growing old without being able to sponge off them or having their help. For that reason alone, one needs to have at least 4 children to have a significant enough income stream (purely as a financial investment). Other than that, they are more hassle than they are worth.

Nanees wrote:When the duty is based off the emotion, it's liable to fade. The emotion should be based off the duty.

That is a beautifully sensible response.

Lakin nothing sensible about a woman wanting to host a parasite inside herself for 9 months, getting stretch marks, going through the physical strain of labour, having to look after it afterwards, spend so much time and money on it and then do it again and again. Logic and sense have nothing to do with it. The need for this torture seems too great to overcome. How many women do you know who stayed with a barren man? Serious question, I can't think of any though I have heard of a couple of stories of men who stayed with sterile women. I reckon women put up with men for this purpose and without it it's just putting up with a man, who wants that?

BlackVelvet wrote:

Nanees wrote:When the duty is based off the emotion, it's liable to fade. The emotion should be based off the duty.

That is a beautifully sensible response.

Lakin nothing sensible about a woman wanting to host a parasite inside herself for 9 months, getting stretch marks, going through the physical strain of labour, having to look after it afterwards, spend so much time and money on it and then do it again and again. Logic and sense have nothing to do with it. The need for this torture seems too great to overcome. How many women do you know who stayed with a barren man? Serious question, I can't think of any though I have heard of a couple of stories of men who stayed with sterile women. I reckon women put up with men for this purpose and without it it's just putting up with a man, who wants that?

Girl, i think thats a lazy westernized mindset, that 'you shouldnt stay and put up with somebody' is that life is short and you have to make the most of it'. There was obviously something about the man that made you choose to shack up with him in the beginning. I don't understand how it can even become just 'putting up' with him if at one point you liked him enough to marry him. I'm not advocating staying in an unhappy relationship, if the problems are serious than get out BUT as muslims we should be aware that life is not short at all, its eternal. At the end of this life all you will have is the character you've built for yourself. Marriage should be your greatest tool to becoming a better person, If all you get in the end is a lesson in how to learn to appreciate the best in people even if they aren't who you wish they were, then you've gotten infinitely much more out of the guy than you would had he been a perfect 10.

When it comes to having kids, dang you make the process sound like hell and it probably is but dont you think it's worth it to have little you's running around i love kids , stretch marks are worth it.

And i think its stupid leaving a man because he's barren. Its allah that gives you the right to bear children and if you're meant to have them with your husband you will. How many couples are told they can't have children only to experience the opposite? fertility sciences, although as close to accurate as they have ever been, are not exact. Mac sokur u ku aha the person who leaves their spouse cuz their barren only to enter another relationship and find they cant have children.

Not saying it wouldnt suck, cuz it would suck so bad. But it's still already written for you.

*Praying that Nanees doesn't get indoctrinated and recruited*.

That rush of emotion you had at the begining will wear off and like you said it is the sense of duty that would keep you going. When you marry a person you are starting a family with them or at least hoping to by having children and raising them together. If they can't have any children then of course it's not their fault but then again it's not yours either. You say, you like children, you think the whole process is worth it. You are willing to sacrifice yourself and your health to have a baby. How are you going to bury that illogical need without resenting the other person? It is virtuous in theory but impractical.

BlackVelvet wrote:That rush of emotion you had at the begining will wear off and like you said it is the sense of duty that would keep you going. When you marry a person you are starting a family with them or at least hoping to by having children and raising them together. If they can't have any children then of course it's not their fault but then again it's not yours either. You say, you like children, you think the whole process is worth it. You are willing to sacrifice yourself and your health to have a baby. How are you going to bury that illogical need without resenting the other person? It is virtuous in theory but impractical.

Because its not their fault. They're not denying you a child.

No one ever knows what they'll do till there in this situation, may allah protect us, but like someone said earlier. First they are denied a child then a spouse? Thats evil.

Nanees what would you do if you were the one who couldn't have kids?

BlackVelvet wrote:Nanees what would you do if you were the one who couldn't have kids?

I think id give them my blessing to have a second wife.

So then you would allow him to have children but if roles were reversed you would deny yourself the opportunity for the same thing?