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If u need to do ayuuto to get married,maybe postpone until u r financially little better off.

Lawl.

Ismahan123 wrote:Naag somaliyeed oo dahabla'aan lagu guursadee xagee ku aragtay? It is very much part of our daqan even if the girl doesnt care for dahab, the family expects you to get it for her.

Dhaqan is over-rated. Travelling to somewhere exotic would be a great way to bond before you move in with a stranger. Definetly true what they say about only knowing people until you live, travel and do business with them.

But then again, gold is your personal investment. Probably best to skip the lavish wedding, go on a honeymoon and have gold as your mehr. Win-win.

Yes, cause dudes are just swimming in airfare and gold, eh?

^ Mahr money you have to give away that is a given. As for airfare, it does not have to be anywhere far and can be contributed towards.

So all that is left is guriga, unless you don't think a guy should pay for that too?

As my mentor Daadi loves to say... 50/50.

Alphanumeric wrote:As my mentor Daadi loves to say... 50/50.

50-50 for the furnishings on the house? Why?

How about the mahr, 50-50 on that too?

Why? Cause he's not the only one living there, that's why. No point in investing in a home that will go entirely to another when the shtf.

Mehr can be donated to an orphanage for all I care. Not as if she's an escort. As he also likes to say, am I buying her?

I saved a bit of money in the past few years and would be sufficient enough to throw a fancy wedding for a few hours. If my halal girlfriend told me to throw her a Cinderella wedding, to the curb she goes! Very disrepectful. $20K-$30K weddings You bust your ass and work like a dog and you flush it all down the toilet for a 3 hour wedding where half the people are wedding crashers who you don't know.

Pomp and cirumstance! OP, think long and hard about wasting all this money. Hagbad are serious. Marriages are serious. Weddings are not. Think of investing on a house or business for your future new family

If not, enjoy the future wedding!

Alphanumeric wrote:Why? Cause he's not the only one living there, that's why. No point in investing in a home that will go entirely to another when the shtf.

Mehr can be donated to an orphanage for all I care. Not as if she's an escort. As he also likes to say, am I buying her?

You are not buying her but it is her right.

I don't think there is anything wrong with going 50-50 on the house but for a guy to demand a woman's contribution would be clear red flags IMO.

Break your back for 7 years to save that $20K working a shitty job, living in a shitty apartment, all so you can spend it all on some chick who's tryna show off to a group of girls who she doesn't like nor like her. Only to result in 4 years of bitter resentment, deceit, manipulation, unattained goals, lost time, and inevitable divorce. And there you once more, breaking your back at your shitty job, all to pay for the child support, alimony, mortgage for a house you don't live in, payments for a car you don't drive, and rent for your shitty apartment. Eating cold food from a can, standing over the sink, regretting every action you've made over the last few years.

Madness. Sheer madness. Never.

InSomalia wrote:

Alphanumeric wrote:Why? Cause he's not the only one living there, that's why. No point in investing in a home that will go entirely to another when the shtf.

Mehr can be donated to an orphanage for all I care. Not as if she's an escort. As he also likes to say, am I buying her?

You are not buying her but it is her right.

I don't think there is anything wrong with going 50-50 on the house but for a guy to demand a woman's contribution would be clear red flags IMO.

"Right". That could be discussed in today's context.

And likewise for any demand she makes.

Alphanumeric wrote: "Right". That could be discussed in today's context.

What do you mean by this?

We'd have to ask a lot of questions as to what the mehr is for and why it needs to be paid directly to her, as opposed to some cultures that suggest it goes to her family/father. I'm sure someone somewhere has made an attempt to argue that the purpose of the mehr is an insurance in the event of the husband's passing. But mufassireen would say that its purpose is relinquishing a woman's power in the household. Take either one and place it in today's context and you'll begin to ask questions yourself. When there are as much as and in some countries far more women than men being educated, one can't help but wonder the fairness in it all.

10K for a mehr, 15k for a walima, and 200k for a house in addition to miscellaneous expenses.

Why even bother with that?

If it floats, flies, or fucks -- renting is cheaper.

$15,000 is equivalent to £10,000.. that sounds reasonable to me

I spent £17,000($25k) on the whole shabang, it lasted for only 2 years.
Lesson learnt: keep it simple!