staying together for the sake of the kids

[Susu000]

First, the couple needs to evaluate their situation. Sometimes there could be rough patches along the way that can be resolved.. However if it's agreed that the marriage is failed then it's best to peacefully part ways..

As Machiavelli mentioned previously children are way smarter than we think and can easily pick up that something is wrong. There is nothing that says that kids can't be happy with divorced parents. If the children stay with the mother but the father remains in their life steadily and spends time with the kids then that is best for the kids..

I rather be divorced with my children's father being in their life than live with someone in a bad and tensed ambience that the kids can pick up.

[AgentOfChaos]

Its better for both parties to call it a day than stay in marriage based on lie and not want to be there.

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

you guys know its hard for the father to walk away right? since he wont be living with his kids, but for the mother, its easier for her to say lets call it quits.

[AgentOfChaos]

^That's why you shouldn't get married in the west in the first place.

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

^lol, it was qadar but alhamdulilah cala kuli xaal.

[waayeel101]

i always advice people not to have children in the first 18 months of their marriage.

a year or 1.5 year are enough to know your partner. if you stayed with a person in a year and solved your problems together, you can stay together for the rest of your life.

[mahoka]

Why are divorce rates so high among somalis in the west. Do you think it is the attitude of "I can do whatever I want cuz this is a free country" or something else. It seems people just wake up hating eachother then divorce, this is caused by rushing into marriage. Back home divorce is so rare because relatives will spit the truth.

[Cherine]

Naah unless uu gawdaas igu hayyo, i ixtiraamo waayo ama cheater ya hay. I won't. Children of divorced parents have a 50% more likelihood of divorcing later on. The stats don't lie, i don't want to condemn my children/ grandchildren to a vicious cycle of talaaq. Set a good example.

[Hyperactive]

i heard more than i would like about divorce stories. majority of them starts very little things in surfice and scallates. however what i stuck in my mind 2 couples who are married nearly 34 years. the guy said, i stayed just for kids and now mojority are married, i dont need to deal with her!!

i would stay for kids and take everything she throws on me. i know its easy said than done but the momery me and dad have so good that i want to give to my kids (if any ).

[YummyMummy]

I agree 100% with salool.

Marriages will be what you make of them. I think they work best when you treat it like a business; each partner in the team contributing their utmost to achieve progress & success, no complex emotions getting in the way. The only way you can do that is if you don't marry for love/lust, but rather for mutual respect & friendship. We can all add a bit of sentimentality when the road is rosy, but it's important to live as sensible room-mates when the going gets tough. Where kids are involved this is even more critical: f***ing take 2 steps back & set aside your old life and dreams; you lived yours, you brought them into the world and now their's is a priority.

And I hope those of you citing petty causes of divorce, whether in the West or elsewhere, develop the sense to realise that actually there are some people whose train of thought was precisely the above. Yet for reasons outside their control & in Allah's hands, it just wasn't meant to be. No matter how hard they tried. Alxamdulilah calaa kulli xaal.

[SultanOrder]

Marriage and divorce should be more accepted. There is too much stigma on not being married and on being divorced. This leads to a recipie for disaster.

I can't really speak about marriage since I've never been in that position. So I won't condescend to give my opinions in front of those that know much more than me. But one thing I've noticed is that there are more people that make better parents than spouses.

One thing we can learn about American history is that a big product of the cultural revolution and why it was such a strong force among the kids of that generation is because they were the byproducts of parents that stuck in relationships in which they were not happy trying to preserve social norms. Those kids saw through the charade and as they grew up they rebelled against society giving free reign to their desires.

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

i heard more than i would like about divorce stories. majority of them starts very little things in surfice and scallates. however what i stuck in my mind 2 couples who are married nearly 34 years. the guy said, i stayed just for kids and now mojority are married, i dont need to deal with her!!

i would stay for kids and take everything she throws on me. i know its easy said than done but the momery me and dad have so good that i want to give to my kids (if any ).

Insha allah you will have ur own kids sheikh

I agree 100% with salool.

Marriages will be what you make of them. I think they work best when you treat it like a business; each partner in the team contributing their utmost to achieve progress & success, no complex emotions getting in the way. The only way you can do that is if you don't marry for love/lust, but rather for mutual respect & friendship. We can all add a bit of sentimentality when the road is rosy, but it's important to live as sensible room-mates when the going gets tough. Where kids are involved this is even more critical: f***ing take 2 steps back & set aside your old life and dreams; you lived yours, you brought them into the world and now their's is a priority.

And I hope those of you citing petty causes of divorce, whether in the West or elsewhere, develop the sense to realise that actually there are some people whose train of thought was precisely the above. Yet for reasons outside their control & in Allah's hands, it just wasn't meant to be. No matter how hard they tried. Alxamdulilah calaa kulli xaal.

[NoThatAbdi]

I mean no offence but this thread should be renamed, I'm leaving SNET for the sake of my kids and wife

[Hyperactive]

if not a huge thing, such one of the involved leave the religion, zina, balwad etc. in la iska adkeysta wanaagsan as long as you can....until kids old enough no one can abuse them if she decides to remarry or he marries.