What is the proper way for a man

[BVSNet]

Islam didn't introduce polygamy or give what was happening a stamp of approval, in fact the Quran introduces rules and limits e.g. reducing numbers in polygamy from unlimited partners to 4 wives. Just because something is not branded as an outright sin in the Quran doesn't mean you should or can do it in your context e.g. taking slaves. Where rules and limits are introduced it should tell you something. Think critically and carefully about what you do in the name of Islam.

Background: polygamy is first mentioned in An-Nisa.

The context of this revelation and limitations that are introduced was following the battle of Uhud where many lives were lost, so where men might have married as many women as they'd like Allah limits it:



O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship) . Surely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you.
Give orphans their property, do not replace their good things with the bad, and do not consume their property with your own. That is a serious crime. If you fear you will not deal justly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if you fear that you cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or the captives that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that you will not do injustice (4:1-3).


So even in a context where multiple partners was common place and in a situation where the Muslims had just lost many men and as a result many became widows and many more children made agoons, Allah still warns of the limits and there is a warning in every single verse where polygamy is first mentioned here in the Quran. Allah also sets the scene by saying he created one man and one woman, not two, or three or four women.

It is your choice to marry up to 4, some scholars would argue the extra three should be women who would be destitute without - I don't speak Arabic but the argument is that the women here refers to the widows (battle of Uhud context). You have clearly been warned by Allah. Many take is lightly but as it says in these verses Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you, your sins do not go unnoticed.

As women, it is our choice to accept it or not, it is literally a God given right.

[waayeel101]

99.9% of Somali men who are polygamous don't care about doing it the right Islamic way, it is all about satisfying that itch.

i agree. but let's say 99%.

[Sumubaridi]

I am not against second wife but I believe you have to be more than heart harded to do it. I hate to see my wife cry and get her feelings hurt for me to have a little humbing. Isheeda aan kabaqaa. I would definitely ask her and see how she feels first .

[Cherine]

Islam didn't introduce polygamy or give what was happening a stamp of approval, in fact the Quran introduces rules and limits e.g. reducing numbers in polygamy from unlimited partners to 4 wives. Just because something is not branded as an outright sin in the Quran doesn't mean you should or can do it in your context e.g. taking slaves. Where rules and limits are introduced it should tell you something. Think critically and carefully about what you do in the name of Islam.

Background: polygamy is first mentioned in An-Nisa.

The context of this revelation and limitations that are introduced was following the battle of Uhud where many lives were lost, so where men might have married as many women as they'd like Allah limits it:



O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship) . Surely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you.
Give orphans their property, do not replace their good things with the bad, and do not consume their property with your own. That is a serious crime. If you fear you will not deal justly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if you fear that you cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or the captives that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that you will not do injustice (4:1-3).


So even in a context where multiple partners was common place and in a situation where the Muslims had just lost many men and as a result many became widows and many more children made agoons, Allah still warns of the limits and there is a warning in every single verse where polygamy is first mentioned here in the Quran. Allah also sets the scene by saying he created one man and one woman, not two, or three or four women.

It is your choice to marry up to 4, some scholars would argue the extra three should be women who would be destitute without - I don't speak Arabic but the argument is that the women here refers to the widows (battle of Uhud context). You have clearly been warned by Allah. Many take is lightly but as it says in these verses Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you, your sins do not go unnoticed.

As women, it is our choice to accept it or not, it is literally a God given right.

I was watching this riwaayad about these older diaspora men going back home and taking second wives. These second wives were young women and the local guys felt they couldn't compete...xageey divorced women, widows, older unmarried women eey ka buuxa the West/Carabaha guursan lahaayeen ayeey suuqii inamadii dhalinyarada ka xidheen.



Btw great post as always BV

[Hyperactive]

I do not support polygamy and only support when is neccessary only with strick conditions islam put on. not i have money and can have sex , i can marry 2,3,4. any man who culcated well would marry one leaver alone 2,3,4. first it's responsibilty and huge one.

majority of us do it cause their fathers, grandfathers did it.

i dont want to get personal but my dad has 2 wives, my uncles also. my gradfather had at least 4 not at the same times but at least 2 or 3 at the same times. it was neccessary hell no. i asked my folks reason arrying two? the answer i got was " wa nala seeyey, we couldnt turn down"!!!

that is just sad not consedring women's feelings.

[Gaashaanle1000]

There are proper avenues to follow islamically when you want a second wife, third and even fourth. Most Somalis obviously do not follow the proper avenues but go ahead with it anyway.

I suggest you ask your local sheikh what the proper etiquette is for polygamy, and then you will have a better answer than Somalinet and you will also be well equipped with knowledge if whom ever you marry decides to do this.

As far as the practice goes, as long as the man can support his second wife and any children that might be born from this union then by all means go ahead. In my opinion there are few and far between men who can pull this of. However there are often times a surplus of fertile age women that are without partners, and polygamy can serve to accommodate these women.

[Cherine]

But hyper how can they consider the womens feelings when they [ultra conservatives]can't talk to her in the first place? Only being told by her parents that she agreed?

[Hyperactive]

cherine, they talk to and even judge asks them. i know my mother was asked and she agreed and she met my dad and not only one time before marriage but more times for agreements.

ps; cause my mother is second wife, she is not titled to citizenship. only eedo, who is first wife is. even in qatar they do not go easy to second wife even her rights not same as first depends the agreements.

[Cherine]

Wow i didn't know that.

[Hyperactive]

i am not agains two or 3 adiults what they concent, it's their to face concequesces.

many men now these days, marrying syrian refugees girls, they damn know women never be citizen or have rights unless she got kids with the citizen men. any one one heard bosnian widdows and girls were married like crazy in 90s by Khaliijs? they never give the rights. it was just lust and then men back to their norm.

ps; i misspoke, second wife can be citizen after 15 years marriage. if she was divorced after 14 years she is out of luck.

[AirBitaale]

cherine, they talk to and even judge asks them. i know my mother was asked and she agreed and she met my dad and not only one time before marriage but more times for agreements.

ps; cause my mother is second wife, she is not titled to citizenship. only eedo, who is first wife is. even in qatar they do not go easy to second wife even her rights not same as first depends the agreements.

That is not fair, man. And it is sad when something like that happens in an Islamic Country!

[Hyperactive]

muslim country!!

[AirBitaale]

What is the difference?

[Hyperactive]

islamic is perfect but muslims not.

[AirBitaale]

Ok Hyper. But for the record I still think it isn't wrong to say 'Islamic Country'.