SNet daters and married lot, question

[Ayeeyo Xilwa]

[military-mind]

I was going to ask all the SNetters about their opinion on modern day chivalry; whether a man should open the car door for a lady and whether a lady should expect it but then in this day and age it could be argued that that is only relevant in romantically involved couples, or is it?

Married men, do you open the car door and pull out the chair for your lady?

Married women, do you expect him to do that or do you feel like you are an independent strong woman who doesn't need...?

Daters, you may give your opinion

ps: Every man should hold the door for any woman, guys who don't just come across as lame.

[BlackVelvet]

True that is what they are taught and more power to them, but at the same time they are all about keeping outward appearances and not anything to do with character. These same people think it is 'civilized' conversation to backbite and make fun of people in a 'civilized' way.

Anyways walaashiys is there really anything, that you found wrong with what I have said earlier, especially waiting to do some of these things as the relationship deepens and you want to give a sign that you are really serious about this?

It's true that there is much more to a person than whether or not they hold a door open but I am just curious about the door bit right now.

About it having to be a serious realtionship first; I don't think it's something that someone can put on, you either are the type who hold the door open or you're not. You can be gallant towards your mother and sisters and aunts, it doesn't have to be your girlfriend and you don't have to have ulterior motives to be courteous do you?

[nomadicwarlord]

I support gender equality. "To each his own door"...that's the slogan.

The career minded spinsters

I agree...they are the ones that are breaking down the traditional roles of men and women. Today, we are seeing more and more Somali spinsters Beware.

[marcassmith]

Your last comment is interesting. In which way do you think Somali women are different to the non-Somali women, in terms of 'emancipation'?

Somali women, I think, have always held a position of respect and indeed strength in the patriarchal and male dominated society of Somalis. That is not to say they have more power than their counterparts but have not been commodified and treated with absolute disdain like in certain 'so-called progressive societies''. I think, the Somali female unlike 'Western female' do not need validation because of their esteemed position in society. I think, to a large extent this is borne by our nomadic lifestyle, particularly before the advent of urbanisation. You could suggest, family bonds are certainly much stronger within a nomadic family because of the dependency and indeed the specific assigned roles within that household. In other words, survival dependence on recognising the role of the woman. I also, think, that this can be replicated to a large extent in urban areas in the Somali peninsula, although its very much under researched.

These days, particualy in diaspora, you find that many Somali females are integrating in their 'host' or indeed 'country' - depending on their choice of settlement. The more people integrate, the more likely that there will be some changes to their traditonal customs and norms. In some cases, it becomes very much a hybridity of sorts and in other cases, wholly - in that they have fully accepted these new norms. Consequently, what you find is that many Somali females developing new lifestyles and indeed reconfiguring the traditional way of life. Insofar as emancipation is concerned, this, I believe, is inter-generational and will take some time before becoming obvious. But for the time being, we wait with bated breath as to the actual and final evolution of the 'Somali female'

[guhad122]

It is always hard to try to be someone that you aint! We, Somali Faaraxs, are not good when it comes to opening doors.
True story that happened to me few years back.
I took this nice girl out; went dinner, movie and so on....On our way back home we decided to stop at Starbucks for coffee...When we left the Starbucks, I kind liked the girl so much that I was trying to impress...I stepped up before her and opened the door...I had an SUV at that time....Little did I knew she was following me closely and when opened the door it smashed her face....She had a big cut on her forehead..Blood all over her face...we went to nearby pharmacy and applied some bandages on the cuts.....

I picked up Gabadh dhalaaleysa, and I dropped naag wejiga dhowr sharooto ka saaran tahay......

So my advice you can never be who you aint no matter how hard you try!

[marcassmith]

It is always hard to try to be someone that you aint! We, Somali Faaraxs, are not good when it comes to opening doors.
True story that happened to me few years back.
I took this nice girl out; went dinner, movie and so on....On our way back home we decided to stop at Starbucks for coffee...When we left the Starbucks, I kind liked the girl so much that I was trying to impress...I stepped up before her and opened the door...I had an SUV at that time....Little did I knew she was following me closely and when opened the door it smashed her face....She had a big cut on her forehead..Blood all over her face...we went to nearby pharmacy and applied some bandages on the cuts.....

I picked up Gabadh dhalaaleysa, and I dropped naag wejiga dhowr sharooto ka saaran tahay......

So my advice you can never be who you aint no matter how hard you try!

Your story reminds me of when D'Angleo from The Wire took his girlfriend to a restaurant.

[Maryam456]

i will like that a man opening doors for me.... it would make me feel special

[DisplacedDiraac]

Open the door-aa?
Isn't she capable of opening her own door?

So you would be insulted if your hubby (or potential hubby) was to do that?

If someone is behind me marka ofcourse i'll open the door for them (everyone should). But if we're walking together and he randomly opens the door for me
And pulling out my chair? Comeon now.. I hate crap like that

If he wants to do something nice for me... he can wash my hair

[SultanOrder]

True that is what they are taught and more power to them, but at the same time they are all about keeping outward appearances and not anything to do with character. These same people think it is 'civilized' conversation to backbite and make fun of people in a 'civilized' way.

Anyways walaashiys is there really anything, that you found wrong with what I have said earlier, especially waiting to do some of these things as the relationship deepens and you want to give a sign that you are really serious about this?

It's true that there is much more to a person than whether or not they hold a door open but I am just curious about the door bit right now.

About it having to be a serious realtionship first; I don't think it's something that someone can put on, you either are the type who hold the door open or you're not. You can be gallant towards your mother and sisters and aunts, it doesn't have to be your girlfriend and you don't have to have ulterior motives to be courteous do you?

lol opening the door is nothing, I hold it open not only for girls for guys too, and sometimes I let others open it for me. But I'm talking more specifically opening the car door, bringing flowers or chocolate, etc... only wifey is worth all the that trouble... and I would only once in awhile... but ultimately every relationship evolves in it's own way where it is a two-way interaction relationship, if one does something and the other reciprocates in their own way.

Anyways good for you, your opening up to new experiences

[OliveOil]

Either the car is new or the girl is new

[Happy Desperado]

Good luck finding a Somali man who would

[kaasje7]

[BlackVelvet]

If someone is behind me marka ofcourse i'll open the door for them (everyone should). But if we're walking together and he randomly opens the door for me
And pulling out my chair? Comeon now.. I hate crap like that

If he wants to do something nice for me... he can wash my hair

and don't forget, rub your feet

[BlackVelvet]

It is always hard to try to be someone that you aint! We, Somali Faaraxs, are not good when it comes to opening doors.
True story that happened to me few years back.
I took this nice girl out; went dinner, movie and so on....On our way back home we decided to stop at Starbucks for coffee...When we left the Starbucks, I kind liked the girl so much that I was trying to impress...I stepped up before her and opened the door...I had an SUV at that time....Little did I knew she was following me closely and when opened the door it smashed her face....She had a big cut on her forehead..Blood all over her face...we went to nearby pharmacy and applied some bandages on the cuts.....

I picked up Gabadh dhalaaleysa, and I dropped naag wejiga dhowr sharooto ka saaran tahay......

So my advice you can never be who you aint no matter how hard you try!

That's just you being nervous dude, I am sure you know how to not hit someone on the head with a car door