I view the problem stemming from lenient family values. Rules and obligations are screamed at the children, but rarely is their any actual communication, emotional support, and cultural or religious development at home. If these people running off for marriage actually had a sense of what "family" means and could picture themselves in such a position realizing the responsibilities and dedication required for it work, they wouldn't make such foolish decisions.Beans wrote:People will always make bad choices.It is up to her,the family to provide the necessary advice and hope the naive chick makes the right choice.Alphanumeric wrote:Beans wrote:Every case should be assessed indivdually.
But yes Beans, there is a trend. Sisters who just started practicing the deen because of a few SalafiPublications lectures they've come across online run off and marry the most "Salafi" guy they can find, who isn't Somali. And yes, these guys boast about it.
Somalida can be very very involved in ur personal for all the wrong reason.If there was such a good community involvement and people worked together to better their ties,we would have young naive girls running off to the first dude that shows them some attention.
I believe, regardless of the situation of the diaspora, Somalis inherently place for more importance and value on "community" than "family". Being a nomadic people, this makes sense. This results in family ties becoming a responsibility rather than a desire. There is no connection between family members that goes beyond the needs. In the diaspora, the family unit is in tatters. This only compounds the problem.
The only reason Somalis get involved with situations in other families is to criticize. The community should uphold a particular standard, and anyone who strays must be chastised. "Community" in the diaspora doesn't exist. We are still fighting off qabiilism, even here. Even our masajid are divided along these lines. There is no "community". And when a Muslim comes to ask for you daughter's hand, you only have two options: either chase him away or let him in. If you allow your daughter to marry a newly reformed ex-con, you'll be insulted. If you chase away a new Muslim, you'll be insulted.
No one wins in this mess.
Beans, if she's getting married without the consent of her father/wali, it is zina.
