somali guy in love with a white girl

[AvidThinkerr101]

@sophisticate you are entirely right. i was a very bad attempt at making a joke and it shouldn't have been said. on that note, no i wasn't look for validation, i just wanted to hear your thoughts on the subject, and by telling you what my intentions were, you'd have a better understanding of the situation. i obviously have sisters and a mother so i would say things like that unless it was meant as a joke. I'm not obnoxious, that joke just sounded different in my head haha. but thank you for your response, gave me a lot to thin about.

@evolsyalwa like i pointed out above, no validation needed, your thoughts on the subject is all i want to hear. why are people so negative on this website?

@lancer I'm self hating if i prefer to date an other rather then someone like myself? wow...i don't see color

@ the rest of the posters, thank you for your response.

[AvidThinkerr101]

Miscegenation seems to be a Somali obsession these days. Like someone else said before me, this guy isn't seeking advice but validation at the expense of our Somali women. I always wonder what kind of Somali women guys like this have in their families ,and vice versa. I've seen my fair share of incredibly messed up Somali girls, but the human tendency to generalize has been mitigated on my part by the wonderful women in my family. I know there are Somali diamonds out there in the rough because of growing up with my mom, sisters and aunts. I think the endogomous/exogomous divide among diasporan Somalis says more about their perceptions of their own families, and thus their self-concept and concepts of their people, than it does about benign preference, which is what most people ostensibly use as their reason for going ajanabi.

Exactly. There is no reason for a Somali brother to go and marry some White girl. He can find plenty of available Somali women who are looking for marriage, and he should stick to his own kind. I've met a Somali guy who was totally against the idea of marrying Somali women, and his reasons revealed his deep psychological hatred for his own people, as well as his own deep insecurities. I knew this man quite well and he was trying to run away from his own identity, run away from who he was, and he sought validation by marrying some foreigner.

It's very disconcerting. It's disturbing, and it needs to stop

would people in somalia look down on us? please be very honest
tbh i know a lot of somali people (80% of my friends are somali), i just haven't met one that has any of the same interests as me. most of them are polar opposites and it might create a toxic relationship. not that they don't exist. its just so far i haven't met the right one, whilst we have the perfect girl whose only flaw is not being somali. idk you guys gave me lots to think about. and i love that your patriots.

[Sophisticate]

Miscegenation seems to be a Somali obsession these days. Like someone else said before me, this guy isn't seeking advice but validation at the expense of our Somali women. I always wonder what kind of Somali women guys like this have in their families ,and vice versa. I've seen my fair share of incredibly messed up Somali girls, but the human tendency to generalize has been mitigated on my part by the wonderful women in my family. I know there are Somali diamonds out there in the rough because of growing up with my mom, sisters and aunts. I think the endogomous/exogomous divide among diasporan Somalis says more about their perceptions of their own families, and thus their self-concept and concepts of their people, than it does about benign preference, which is what most people ostensibly use as their reason for going ajanabi.

Exactly. There is no reason for a Somali brother to go and marry some White girl. He can find plenty of available Somali women who are looking for marriage, and he should stick to his own kind. I've met a Somali guy who was totally against the idea of marrying Somali women, and his reasons revealed his deep psychological hatred for his own people, as well as his own deep insecurities. I knew this man quite well and he was trying to run away from his own identity, run away from who he was, and he sought validation by marrying some foreigner.

It's very disconcerting. It's disturbing, and it needs to stop

would people in somalia look down on us? please be very honest
tbh i know a lot of somali people (80% of my friends are somali), i just haven't met one that has any of the same interests as me. most of them are polar opposites and it might create a toxic relationship. not that they don't exist. its just so far i haven't met the right one, whilst we have the perfect girl whose only flaw is not being somali. idk you guys gave me lots to think about. and i love that your patriots.

Dude we can't tell you what to do. Also, why do you care so much for our opinions? We're just anons typing. Man up and make a decision. The truth is you can go back home, but you will be judged. Of course, you will be for anything that stands out. If you have noticeable physical imperfection, they will notice. It's very Somali to be aesthetically aware.

You must like this girl. I have never called someone perfect and I find it unusual for one to use that adjective to describe someone. I don't think someone is perfect, but suitable I suppose according to some subconscious criteria. There's always a different combination of admirable characteristics that someone else could have. Hey, if it leads to marriage, go for it. You seem liberal, more than a lot of us here. I won't say you're on the highway to hell (like brother Tiburon). Just be prepared for any ideological conflicts which could occur regarding belief systems. That's far more important. That and her parents and your own. You could always just listen to Magic!'s ode to individualism, and marry her anyway.

[Lamagoodle]

Marriage is always about venturing into an unknown territory. Basing your spousal choice on satisfying someone else might be a quick Prozac but in the long term, it will not be viable. It is bound to fail. Marrying outside your community is always a challenge irrespective of your ethnic group. There will always be some tensions.

If your mom is one of those somali mothers who spend more time in attending weddings than caring for their kids, there will be no problem. She will probably brag about her son marrying naag cadaan ah; and voila, she will be happy to take your wife to the somali weddings and show her around like a trophy. Also, for unknown reasons, somalis generally accept when men marry outside their ethnic group. The situation is different for somali women who are often scorned at, ridiculed, and in some cases became pariahs in our community. To some mothers, it is better to bring home a white woman than a somali woman whose family has been labelled as sub-human being for nonsense reasons (see, e.g. Sophisticated’s excellent thread).

Most somali youngsters are driven by a sense of horniness ( I agree with her Majesty, Lady Basra) and a desire to conform to institutional norms (culture, religion, values etc.) when contemplating marriages.

In principal, I am of the opinion that most somali marriages in the diaspora are driven by lust and a desire to quench it. It is also the result of societal pressure because our society expects us to engage in the institution of marriage.

So son do some reflections; do you want really to marry? Or are you a slave of your hormones/ short-term passions? What are your goals? To satisfy socio-cultural norms?

If you really love this woman, marry her. But, are you sure you are in love? This is the question that you need to address before you take her home.

[PLATINUUM]

smh @op i have nothing against interracial marriages as i am a product of one myself...but why sit here and care about other people's opinions on your marriage to the white devil? most people here are full somali and plan on keeping it that way, so don't expect any validation from these people. end of the day its your life so do you boo. just don't ever put down somali women for the ego of your little cave monkey....okay? bye.

[afisoone]

Talada kusiin lahaa iska guurso. Awalba isku diin ayaad eheedeenee. She is American and you are american. So what? Don't worry about your kids. Worry about yourself. You loved her. You do her. you go to drink with her. That is a fact. If you are a good muslim, she never attracted you.

Somalida waxey dhahaan shimbirkasto shimbirkeeda la duushaa. So diin ma laha ayaa dhahday naagta. Adigana diin ma lihid.

Actually waxaaba ka shakisanahay in xalaal lagugu dhalay iyo in kale after you post.

That is my take..

[AvidThinkerr101]

@sophisticate i think you may be right, this whole thread may be a result of my fear of marriage, my parents are both divorced and hate each other so i naturally think that if i can't find the absolute right girl, it may end horribly and our children would have to suffer like i did. I know she wants to get married because she keeps hinting at it and her parents constantly bring it up but idk, i might just be scared.
yes i do love this girl, but i too have never called someone perfect either. But with time I've learned that someone intelligent who you can learn from and can make you a better man is differently perfect. she's not only beautiful and a talented doctor, but also incredibly intelligent and caring.

Yea her parents belief system may be a conflict, but both them and i don't see religion as a club that only muslim or christians can get in, i view it as a individual journey to find god. i would never put a muslim above a christian because a person's beliefs should never be imposed on another person of a different belief. with that said, my girlfriend being an atheist, wouldn't mind me raising our kid as a muslim as long as when he/she grows to be an adult they can choose which ever path they want to take. I wouldn't look down on him. I've seen christian and atheist somalis before, i don't think any less of them either.

but your absolutely right, i should man up and pop the question already!

[AvidThinkerr101]

smh @op i have nothing against interracial marriages as i am a product of one myself...but why sit here and care about other people's opinions on your marriage to the white devil? most people here are full somali and plan on keeping it that way, so don't expect any validation from these people. end of the day its your life so do you boo. just don't ever put down somali women for the ego of your little cave monkey....okay? bye.

why are you being racist? they're human just like you. And I've already apologized about that tasteless remark.

[afisoone]

@sophisticate i think you may be right, this whole thread may be a result of my fear of marriage, my parents are both divorced and hate each other so i naturally think that if i can't find the absolute right girl, it may end horribly and our children would have to suffer like i did. I know she wants to get married because she keeps hinting at it and her parents constantly bring it up but idk, i might just be scared.
yes i do love this girl, but i too have never called someone perfect either. But with time I've learned that someone intelligent who you can learn from and can make you a better man is differently perfect. she's not only beautiful and a talented doctor, but also incredibly intelligent and caring.

Yea her parents belief system may be a conflict, but both them and i don't see religion as a club that only muslim or christians can get in, i view it as a individual journey to find god. i would never put a muslim above a christian because a person's beliefs should never be imposed on another person of a different belief. with that said, my girlfriend being an atheist, wouldn't mind me raising our kid as a muslim as long as when he/she grows to be an adult they can choose which ever path they want to take. I wouldn't look down on him. I've seen christian and atheist somalis before, i don't think any less of them either.

but your absolutely right, i should man up and pop the question already!

Ninyahoow Hadal gaalnimo ah ayaa so qortay. Islaamka wax kasto waa kasaareeyaa. Islaamka waa nolosheena. Waan waxaan wax ku qiimeeyno. Waa kunoolnahay meel kasto aan joogno. Naagtaan aana diinta laheen maku jeclaateen hadaa diin leedahay. Waxaa kacabsanayaa cunugaaga inuu Catholic pastor ka noqdo maadaama ayeeyda ee korson doonto.

[AvidThinkerr101]

Talada kusiin lahaa iska guurso. Awalba isku diin ayaad eheedeenee. She is American and you are american. So what? Don't worry about your kids. Worry about yourself. You loved her. You do her. you go to drink with her. That is a fact. If you are a good muslim, she never attracted you.

Somalida waxey dhahaan shimbirkasto shimbirkeeda la duushaa. So diin ma laha ayaa dhahday naagta. Adigana diin ma lihid.

Actually waxaaba ka shakisanahay in xalaal lagugu dhalay iyo in kale after you post.

That is my take..

i can't read somali well, but about your remark above, i am a good muslim, but that is strictly only my belief, id never impose that on her, if she wanted to be muslim, christian or jew, i would not mind. and referring to the birds of a feather, flock together thing, i might be a muslim, but that isn't all i am, islam isn't a race or an occupation, its a religion, i don't know why some muslim somalis would see someone of a different religion as an other.

i respect all people..thats what a true muslim does.

[AvidThinkerr101]

@sophisticate i think you may be right, this whole thread may be a result of my fear of marriage, my parents are both divorced and hate each other so i naturally think that if i can't find the absolute right girl, it may end horribly and our children would have to suffer like i did. I know she wants to get married because she keeps hinting at it and her parents constantly bring it up but idk, i might just be scared.
yes i do love this girl, but i too have never called someone perfect either. But with time I've learned that someone intelligent who you can learn from and can make you a better man is differently perfect. she's not only beautiful and a talented doctor, but also incredibly intelligent and caring.

Yea her parents belief system may be a conflict, but both them and i don't see religion as a club that only muslim or christians can get in, i view it as a individual journey to find god. i would never put a muslim above a christian because a person's beliefs should never be imposed on another person of a different belief. with that said, my girlfriend being an atheist, wouldn't mind me raising our kid as a muslim as long as when he/she grows to be an adult they can choose which ever path they want to take. I wouldn't look down on him. I've seen christian and atheist somalis before, i don't think any less of them either.

but your absolutely right, i should man up and pop the question already!

Ninyahoow Hadal gaalnimo ah ayaa so qortay. Islaamka wax kasto waa kasaareeyaa. Islaamka waa nolosheena. Waan waxaan wax ku qiimeeyno. Waa kunoolnahay meel kasto aan joogno. Naagtaan aana diinta laheen maku jeclaateen hadaa diin leedahay. Waxaa kacabsanayaa cunugaaga inuu Catholic pastor ka noqdo maadaama ayeeyda ee korson doonto.

thats toxic my brother, i value islam...but i also value other human beings. islam is a religion, every muslim individual is only responsible for his own faith. i wouldn't love a woman only because she's muslim, i would love her for who she is, not her faith, like i said, it is not a club. and her father is not a pastor...im not marrying her parents.

[AvidThinkerr101]

Marriage is always about venturing into an unknown territory. Basing your spousal choice on satisfying someone else might be a quick Prozac but in the long term, it will not be viable. It is bound to fail. Marrying outside your community is always a challenge irrespective of your ethnic group. There will always be some tensions.

If your mom is one of those somali mothers who spend more time in attending weddings than caring for their kids, there will be no problem. She will probably brag about her son marrying naag cadaan ah; and voila, she will be happy to take your wife to the somali weddings and show her around like a trophy. Also, for unknown reasons, somalis generally accept when men marry outside their ethnic group. The situation is different for somali women who are often scorned at, ridiculed, and in some cases became pariahs in our community. To some mothers, it is better to bring home a white woman than a somali woman whose family has been labelled as sub-human being for nonsense reasons (see, e.g. Sophisticated’s excellent thread).

Most somali youngsters are driven by a sense of horniness ( I agree with her Majesty, Lady Basra) and a desire to conform to institutional norms (culture, religion, values etc.) when contemplating marriages.

In principal, I am of the opinion that most somali marriages in the diaspora are driven by lust and a desire to quench it. It is also the result of societal pressure because our society expects us to engage in the institution of marriage.

So son do some reflections; do you want really to marry? Or are you a slave of your hormones/ short-term passions? What are your goals? To satisfy socio-cultural norms?

If you really love this woman, marry her. But, are you sure you are in love? This is the question that you need to address before you take her home.

THANK YOU SO MUCH that is exactly what i needed to here...i think it might just be fear of marriage and rejection from somalis everywhere, i wouldn't want to being my kids into a world like that. I just need to man up and not care so much about what the world thinks. both mine and her family love the idea of a marriage, so i might as well do it before its too late.
yea I've seen sophisticated's thread, she highlights a lot of important issues within the community. She lives up to her name.
And yes i do love her.

ps. to that "somalis think white women are trophies thing". i don't know about that lol. your thinking of arab women. But yes i sort of agree, Some do tend to put other races above blacks.

[PLATINUUM]

smh @op i have nothing against interracial marriages as i am a product of one myself...but why sit here and care about other people's opinions on your marriage to the white devil? most people here are full somali and plan on keeping it that way, so don't expect any validation from these people. end of the day its your life so do you boo. just don't ever put down somali women for the ego of your little cave monkey....okay? bye.

why are you being racist? they're human just like you. And I've already apologized about that tasteless remark.

did i forget to say....



awks, don't come for my crown

[Lamagoodle]

Avidthinker, good luck!

Finish your studies and get a good job. A good degree and a good career path will offset cultural corollaries.

[0sman]

I have two first cousins who are married to a Japanese & English women and both of them have a bunch of kids and have been married for ages. It's you who's marrying so forget about what others think & put yourself first. If you two love (though I am not really a big believer of that word) each other and are really compatible and ready to have a family/get into a long term relationship then everyone else and their opinions should come second. No matter what you, do you can never satisfy (and you shouldn't strive to do that in the first place) everyone, and worse, Somalis. Even if you bring the most beautiful, decent, smart, educated Somali girl home Somalis will find fault(s) with her, even if it's about her tribe. We're that kind of people so concentrate of what YOU want and don't worry about what others think a lot.