Your Ideal Man

[Lord Diplock]

One thing Somali girls always forget is: no ONE cares about whom you marry, you do not make the world go around, at the end of the day, if you're not batting for the other side, you will get hitch to a bloke, so go ahead and marry him and enjoy your short life, if you ain't happy, marry again and until U find happiness...

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

That is understandable walaal, perfectly understandable and many guys would fit that billing, what is not possible is this: a complete package, deen, good looks, great job, university education, no dodgy background, good character, not a miser, and the list of unrealistic demand goes on.

Subhanallah, I know a relative who eventually married a guy for the sake of it after her unreliastic demand went fulfilled, she 'lowered' herself and married some faarax out there in South Africa who probably works in some Indian shop I guess..

Don't make yourself cheap, but be realistic is my advice. if there is chemistry, then you are on the right avenue, the rest is important but chemistry and love come first, without that, nothing will work in my view.

Maybe we Somalis blokes have 'failed' you guys, why can't you guys try other Muslim brothers...

I'm not even gonna lie, but when it comes to these sort of topics, take my words with a pinch of salt, waa iska hadal, I exaggerate. But boy, oh boy, if these sort of men existed.....but the FUNNIEST thing is, are we girls so khatar that we believe those sort of guys would want us? Methinks we have a load of self-confidence, or these girls are all that.

My second option is, if I became too old and I see a guy who fulfils all of those but he happens to be married, become number two, no sweat.

Chemistry aa? Of course there will be chemistry, if he likes me, and I like all of the things he 'has' then khalas, there is the chemistry.

No, no, you haven't failed us, apart from the times you are beating us black and blue....IstaqfurAllah, most Somali guys are safe. Erm, no others, me no other, me no English, must be Somali, must speak Somali. I'm lucky my family are stopping at Somali, but non-Somali was never an option.

ps. Marrying again is no option too, I hate it, my mum loathes it.

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

LMAO@ some of the things you guys have said

Warsan@ "has kids all over the place like a Jamicaan" wth, funniest comment in the thread

And about "shaddy past" I thought we were talking about clubbing, having had a few girls, maybe shisha or tried weed when he was younger, that I thought was a shaddy past but ex-murderer!, ex-rapist!, gabdho what the fudge?! That is not a shaddy past that is a criminal!

Warsan I am not so attached to the whole Somali thing, if I met a man who was respectful and kind and family oriented and honest and dignfied and religious and down to earth...his race would be the last thing on my mind. I'd say alxamdulillah and take it with a big smile

I don't see how WstLdn's guy can be unrealistic, which part? The looks are subjective, the rest are great but surely not aiming too high:

Very patient, strong, great manners, ability to problem solve, honest/trustable, no hidden agendas *what you see is what you get type-of guy*, no shady past *Major turn off*, humble, has trust in Allah *good deen*, the sorta good character which people look up to *role model*, ambitious , very caring, easy to get along with, not too demanding

It's what everyone should be aiming to be and I know a lot of Somali girls like this and a few guys as well

Now if you'd said, millionaire, CEO of a company, xifdul Quran, mensa member, voulunteers at his local hospital, fasts every monday and thursday...that kind of stuff is perhaps unrealistic lakin really, humility, kindness, ambition, trustworthy...if this kind of stuff is aiming too high what kind of people are we marrying?

This topic is funny.

Babes, too many faraxs with criminal past these days who are on a rebound now Alhamdulilah, so they need wives too ya know. I can't see myself with them to be honest, and I'd prefer not to marry the ex-clubber and ex-weed smoker too, as matter of fact some drugs are a no-no. Laakin, waa iska hadal everything, Allah swt is the one who protects, for all we know he is a crack addict but hides it very well.

Abaayo think about it this way, you are doing service to the Somali community nooh Wallahi that is why I have decided to marry Somali guy, I thought one for the community. I have also instilled the same thought in my younger sister, we are not educating them to go off with yadi-da-di-da. We actually prefer she goes to Xamar and practises her profession there and I don't think it is easily done with nin-ajnabi.

BTW Xafidul Quran is easy (well in Somalia at least), but CEO maybe not, millionaire there are many Somalis who are one. The problem with Westldn's guy is that his personality seems too good, and that is very rare, besides she wanted that with education iyo looks.

PO,

Wallahi the prayer is hard, I can attest to that. Sadly, when I was young no-one pushed me to pray, and hence when I started practising it was hard for me. The prayer is both familiarity and having knowledge of what prayer is, like being aware of it. So, that is why it is good to make children pray when they are young, because when they get older they are familiar with it, but they should also expand their knowledge of 'prayer' go onto 'khuushoo' in prayer etc.

I guess the best bonus to have is someone who always wants to better themselves. That is why sometimes, I don't say anything about education because he can always work on it and etc. I do believe though marrying a non-pracitising person is just asking for it, because they might not want to change ever.

________________________________________________________________________________________

BTW, he must also want to go out at random nights to buy me something sweet (just like I'm going to try now, I just need someone to come with me) Macsalaam

[burhaan2010]

That is understandable walaal, perfectly understandable and many guys would fit that billing, what is not possible is this: a complete package, deen, good looks, great job, university education, no dodgy background, good character, not a miser, and the list of unrealistic demand goes on.

Subhanallah, I know a relative who eventually married a guy for the sake of it after her unreliastic demand went fulfilled, she 'lowered' herself and married some faarax out there in South Africa who probably works in some Indian shop I guess..

Don't make yourself cheap, but be realistic is my advice. if there is chemistry, then you are on the right avenue, the rest is important but chemistry and love come first, without that, nothing will work in my view.

Maybe we Somalis blokes have 'failed' you guys, why can't you guys try other Muslim brothers...

My option is, if I became too old and I see a guy who fulfils all of those but he happens to be married, become number two, no sweat.

mashallah sister. you are a good muslimah who knows her diin.

[BlackVelvet]

There is the idea of "selling out" when a successful Somali male or female marries an outsider but it's give and take innit. If say my friend who is a doctor and Somali and has a mashallah personality is able to find a Somali guy who's on a level with her then that would be perfect, but to marry an uneducated man or a man with bad dabeecad just because he's Somali? That doesn't make any sense to me.

Dude where do you live? My own cousins have looks + education, that's not asking too much! Every Somali guy I met in uni had good looks plus a good education and some even a very strong religion (which is probably the hardest out of the 3). So these guys are being unreasonable in expecting standards lower than the basics. A very smart man once said, if you build your fence too low you're just gonna have every man walking all over your lawn. Buur ha is saarin, dacas nah ha iska dhigin, that's what my mom says. If you're educated it's not too much to ask for the same, if you are ambitious it's natural to ask for the man to want the same lifestyle, if religion is important to you it's important that the man feels the same, if you don't like being bossed around it's important that he doesn't like to boss people around. As women we might want to believe that we can take care of ourselves and our families and futures on our own and carry most of the bulk but this man is going to be the head of your family, the father of your children, the bread winner at times and making sure he has the aptitude to do all this is just basics. Just the same way he should be asking himself if you have the aptitude to be a good care taker, a supportive wife and a good mother. Otherwise how is this possibly going to be a long lasting and fulfilling marriage? When you apply for a job they set out the job description and personal specification, then they interview you and only then do you get the job. So why expect less when getting married, surely your life means more than a job?

What you said after you pointed out my misunderstanding with the GP comment, that was very very reasonable, infact the most reasonable of all the posts made out of all the girls combined.

[DisplacedDiraac]

When you apply for a job they set out the job description and personal specification, then they interview you and only then do you get the job. So why expect less when getting married, surely your life means more than a job?

Exactly!! Marriage is probably the biggest decision most people will make in this life time, as it's continuous and it involves others i.e. future children etc.. So why settle for something less..
Honestly I would rather be alone than settle for a waste man or someone who is waay below my standards!

But obviously people have faults.. I sure aint perfect, so I would settle for someone who falls short on some minor aspects, but the deen sure isn't one of them

I dont think there's anything wrong with marrying out *assuming waa niin Muslim ah*.. If one cant find a decent Somali brother, but there's plenty of ajanabi's who are suitable, than waa caadi.. But I personally wouldn't.. There's plenty of decent Somali brothers MashaaAllah! I just hope Allah sends some our way

[grandpakhalif]

Warsan star you are really an amazing women..god bless your heart

[Lord Diplock]

I am a big fan of Warsan, I wish her and other sisters here, all the best.

[1_londoner]

In my honest opinion ninmanka Soomalida do not have the best personality, and if they do then they are not the best looking, but even if they have the personality and looks, they don't have the deen, it is rare to find that great combo. Whereas I have seen plenty of Somali girls that fit that category.

Wale, you are so spot on with that.

Warsan is wicked...her kusband will be one lucky fella I tell ya.

[Lord Diplock]

In my honest opinion ninmanka Soomalida do not have the best personality, and if they do then they are not the best looking, but even if they have the personality and looks, they don't have the deen, it is rare to find that great combo. Whereas I have seen plenty of Somali girls that fit that category.

Wale, you are so spot on with that.

Warsan is wicked...her kusband will be one lucky fella I tell ya.

hear, hear.

[KingMJ]

In my honest opinion ninmanka Soomalida do not have the best personality, and if they do then they are not the best looking, but even if they have the personality and looks, they don't have the deen, it is rare to find that great combo. Whereas I have seen plenty of Somali girls that fit that category.

This is a Cheapshot to the men and at the same time hyping up the girls

Define personality? Thats a broad area. Also don't have deen, at all? How much deen is having it? Praying and fasting?

[DANGIRL]

lacag
does what I tell him
more lacag
not so attractive ( i dont want other women wanting him)
edcuated
know his religion very good ,,, laakiin not like wadaad type ( ehm yeah they go after 4 wives)
comes from a good family

Your list is quite impressive...why don't you take a seat...It might take a while to find that guy.

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

^

Asalaamu alikum all,

BV,

I fully take heed sis, I'm not saying lower yourself that every person is able to jump over your fence, but what I'm saying is perfection doesn't exist, I don't believe a guy with WestldnShawty's personality, plus good education, great looks and deen exists. I've never seen it, what she stated *the personality part* was too good, I still can't get over the 'problem solving' part

Be forgiving of your friend when he offends you,
for perfection is seldom ever found.
In everything there is some flaw;
even the lamp, despite its brilliance,
smokes.

--Ibn al-Haddad (Almeria, d. 1087 CE)

I try to remember every person is a human an no-one is perfect, if I over analyse my future spouse personality, even if it is GOOD or GREAT, I will find a fault.

If you're educated it's not too much to ask for the same, if you are ambitious it's natural to ask for the man to want the same lifestyle, if religion is important to you it's important that the man feels the same, if you don't like being bossed around it's important that he doesn't like to boss people around. As women we might want to believe that we can take care of ourselves and our families and futures on our own and carry most of the bulk but this man is going to be the head of your family, the father of your children, the bread winner at times and making sure he has the aptitude to do all this is just basics. Just the same way he should be asking himself if you have the aptitude to be a good care taker, a supportive wife and a good mother. Otherwise how is this possibly going to be a long lasting and fulfilling marriage? When you apply for a job they set out the job description and personal specification, then they interview you and only then do you get the job. So why expect less when getting married, surely your life means more than a job?

What you said after you pointed out my misunderstanding with the GP comment, that was very very reasonable, infact the most reasonable of all the posts made out of all the girls combined.

You are right in this, but all I'm saying is, you cannot find the 'perfect package.' Westldn's guy is HOT, educated, ambitious, deen, with a personality that blows you away? Thats not reasonable because she has never seen a guy like that?

I have seen ladies marry men that they like, and they change, ilahay amarkiisa, not that he was lying at the start, he just slowly changes. So, ninka oo dabeecad fiicna, becomes a beast five years down the line? Similar things happen to men, the lady changes. Marka, truly we ask for Allah for good, and that we be good. Amiin.

Thanks to the rest of you sisters & Brothers for the kind words.


KingMJ,

Sowie, but it is the truth, our culture encourages this though. I have mainly seen this in the older generation though, even though these jahil thoughts are still with the younger guys too. Like I dare one guy in the masjid to say I clean the plates and cook food in my house? I double dare him to be Somali Even worse some of them won't even help out their wives. That is what I mean personality, this falls under that you know.

Praying and fasting the least we can do, I just see more practising Somali girls than guys.

[SultanOrder]

can we just end this topic

It just makes me not want to judge people at all, not that it is a bad thing, but it is a reaction to all the judging that we are doing here. It makes me feel uncomfortable

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

Trust me, I hate bringing up topics, but I thought I owed people an answer.

Judging? Why are we judging people? Everyone have their 'dooq' 'taste' and views, and we shouldn't be judging others for that.