Divorce - Why are guys complaining?

[Hyperactive]

i agree to given-compensation if she was home stay mother. something doesnt break both of them financially. but the thing is were to drew the line. is very complicated issue. as you put it divorce is suck. that is why " the halal that Allah hates the most" can be turn very very nasty and bitter.

[Marques]

Here it is!

I'm a 42 year old male who arrived home from a business trip one day to receive the standard about to be a divorced dad package. No warning of course, just locks changed, bank accounts cleaned out, credit cards maxed out, all valuables moved to her parents, and of course a temporary restraining order.

I went to a friends house to stay the night and try to arrange to see my children but as I couldn't call my soon to be ex this proved pointless. As the days went by I received a pendite lite hearing granting my wife roughly 70% of my take home salary in spousal and child support. They also granted her full exclusive use of my house and everything in it, the nicer of the two vehicles (for the children!), and ordered me to pay that months mortgage payment + all debts not directly associated with the house (read: our credit cards which she maxed out while I was gone).

With the bank accounts, we had just redid out mortgage (much lower interest rate) and had roughly to my employer for the class I couldn't take as she stole the money for it, somehow find a place a live (rent), and of course buy things like food, gas, etc. Plus there was one more very important wrinkle...

I held one of the highest security clearances available and performed only cleared work which helped justify my salary to my employer. If that DV charge stuck or if I received This meant I had to hire a criminal defense attorney also as losing my job would stop all income and woe be to the heretic that violates the sacrament of child support for any reason whatsoever. That scum only deserves jail - bonus points if their injured, in a coma, on deployment, etc.


A few weeks later with the The first time I agreed to meet but had the sense to have a friend drive by the location and watch the place for an hour before she arrived. About 20 minutes before the meeting was to take place she arrived with her father and a sheriff in tow... Gosh wonder what that meeting would have been like with a live restraining order in place?


Right after this my lawyer and her lawyer finally agree on a visitation schedule graciously allowing me to see my children twice a month. Naturally she demands I come to the house, alone, sans camera (wants me to sign something promising I won't bring it), to pick up my children. I refuse and demand we do the exchange at a neutral location with cameras, listing the false charges and attempts to put me in jail whenever we're alone. Long story short they refuse, and I have to actually take her to court to for hers). By this time Ive had to take out two more loans from my father to cover the costs of these shenanigans and my soon to be ex absolutely refuses to let me take out an equity loan on my own house as both our names are on it and she wants it all.

Months go by and the time for the final trial is almost upon us. Property settlement agreements are flying back and forth with ridiculous demands coming from the other side including: She keeps everything she stole, I pay off all "mutual" debt, she gets the house, she keeps all family heirlooms including ones from my family, she keeps the truck, my 10 year old car is sold with the proceeds split 70/30 in her favor, I pay her lawyer $20,000, she gets a raise of alimony/child support to $4400 (from $3800), the alimony of $2400 per month would be for *life* (we were married 8 years), she takes all children off her taxes forever (yes this was bizarre I don't understand it either), she gets the entire tax return for the coming year whatever it is. Obviously I couldn't agree to any of this and so we went to court... she received: I got to generously keep my car. I was also forced to continue to provide health and dental insurance for the children basically forever. The judge went out of her way to emphasize that although this "seems like a lot" it was really for the best and then threatened me with jail if I couldn't or wouldn't meet all of these obligations.

Months before I was forced to find additional under the table work (contracting for cash) in order to keep up with the frequent demands placed on me. I was working most weekends so I could never see my kids, and furthermore when the time to see them arrived she'd almost always find some excuse to deny my seeing them. The only relief I had centered on a woman I met 8 months after my ex began this, and I was living with her by her good graces as I could afford to pay no rent. Then it happened... On a rare free weekend I went to pick up my kids and when I arrived at the gas station my ex introduced me to her "friend" who would be babysitting my children and she wanted me to meet her (very magnanimous no?). My ex then handed me a pack of pictures for my daughter (her first year in school) and told me there was an order form inside where I could get some more. I pulled out the form and pictures, noted the prices listed on the form, and stuffed it back into the envelope. I couldn't afford to order pics but I could at least scan the ones provided for free and maybe blow them up and print them at work. 3 weeks later I receive a nasty note from her lawyer lauding his performance in court and cynically chiding me for the outcome. Apparently my ex decided that the 'stimulus' package should be hers and she should also be compensated for the hot water heater and roof repair on "my" house so she could sell it and take the money. I claimed I was never served with such a notice more for attorney fees, the entire stimulus package, and my portion of the tax return I guess to teach me a lesson.

I didn't have anything close to the amount of money they were demanding and my house wasn't selling in this market. To add insult to injury I received a note from the Dept Homeland Security stating that even though I was they felt that a reinvestigation should take place before allowing me to perform any more cleared work. My clearance was suspended pending review". No amount of talking to them would suffice and I was let go from my main employer the next day. This is when I made the decision... I called an old college friend I hadn't seen in years and spent an evening talking to him and asked him a huge favor. "Yes" was his answer... Over the next 30 days I applied for as many personal and "signature" loans as possible and I deliberately missed the deadline to pay my ex. A contempt hearing was scheduled and 5 days before it occurred I tearfully said goodbye to my girlfriend, boarded a plane, and left the United States forever.

I am now a "deadbeat dad" and thus evil and I cannot return home. Within is now a better solution than being continuously jailed for child support and the dead do not collect alimony... Just another day in paradise I suppose.

You see I was to discover that this was never really about money as my ex has parents who are very well off and promised to take care of her - she needed nothing. Her parents wrote her lawyer a blank check and said do everything you can to She wanted me in prison, period, and money was simply the method to do it. Family court decrees are always backed with threats of violence and contempt orders that jail, jail, and jail without thought or mercy or reason and the corruption is so deep it can't change until the U.S. finally and mercifully collapses. The game is decided from the word "go". I am now desperately trying to find work while in exile, so that I can stop living off the kindness of others. Before I left I served as a Network Architect and I am willing to go anywhere (non west preferred as the tentacles of the U.S. are long and stretch everywhere). We'll see how it goes...

God be with everyone who has had to go through this or had a friend or loved one who has. The first step to getting my life back is to have a goal and before I left I gave what few friends who didn't mindlessly turn on me when it all started a special address they can contact me at. When and if the time ever comes and they have a choice of jail or leaving, I will be there to help with a bed and a roof and freedom. Perhaps that will be the only good to come out of this, the ability to help another as I have been helped. I urge anyone reading this to offer the same. Make no mistake, what is needed is a full underground railroad akin to the kind that existed in the days of Harriet Tubman... but no one mourns for men.

Deadbeat Dad #3475739 signing off -

/closethread

The evil hag wanted to put him in jail but he left the country in time to save himself. I'm genuinely happy he saved his own skin like that. Some of these women bloody hell..

[Lillaahiya]

and he doesnt have to say "raja'atok" just by sleeping with her with her agreement.... wa okay

Intan weli maan fahmin.

[Marques]

and he doesnt have to say "raja'atok" just by sleeping with her with her agreement.... wa okay

Intan weli maan fahmin.

Rajactuk means waan ku ceshaday..

[Lillaahiya]

lol Wuxuu ka wada intu saddexdeeda siiye ayuu marka dambe sasaban kara.

[FAH1223]

Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women, according to the Pew Research Center.

Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.

Pew’s findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of couple-dom entirely.

Suzanne Venker’s article, “The War on Men,” which appeared on the website of Fox News in late November, has become a lodestone for feminist writers who have attacked her position that the institution of marriage is threatened, not enhanced, by the supposed gains of the feminist movement over the last 50 years.

“Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone?” is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.

She points out that for the first time in US history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees.

“The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women,” Venker wrote. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider – and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage – men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it.

As a writer and researcher into the trends of marriage and relationships, Venker said, she has “accidentally stumbled upon a subculture” of men who say “in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married.”

“When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women aren’t women anymore.” Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women “angry” and “defensive, though often unknowingly.”

“Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic – women good/men bad – that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry.”

“Men are tired,” Venker wrote. “Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.”

BlackVelvet is going to love this.

[CilmiDoone]

and he doesnt have to say "raja'atok" just by sleeping with her with her agreement.... wa okay

Intan weli maan fahmin.

Rajactuk means waan ku ceshaday..

Does that require a consensus agreement?

[AgentOfChaos]

There won't be divorce or marriage if you tell the woman from day one that you're broke. It always works.


Serenity > Marriage.

[Hyperactive]

lol Wuxuu ka wada intu saddexdeeda siiye ayuu marka dambe sasaban kara.

lol there is no 3 dalqah at once ( as most scholars went to) 1 dalqa, then second one if he wants her back he has to pay new mahr, the 3 time, she has to marry some one else, and got divorced . then wait another 3 month to remarry her! at least will be 7+ months. just cause people do not take divorce like a ga e to threat each other.

even that law has holes people always try to trick. bal Allah miyey siry karan !

[SecretAgent]

Sheik hyper how do divorce do u jus say I divorce u 3x n walk away somali style ?

[Lillaahiya]

I never knew that. I thought you were still married to the person up till the third time he says "I divorce you". As for her getting remarried and divorced before remarrying husband #1, I thought that was only after 3 legit divorces with husband #1. Maybe I misunderstood it all along

[CilmiDoone]

Sheik hyper how do divorce do u jus say I divorce u 3x n walk away somali style ?

If you divorce 1x you cant then immediately proceed to.divorce another 2x because you are no longer married.

[Hyperactive]

Sheik hyper how do divorce do u jus say I divorce u 3x n walk away somali style ?

pretty much! is legal but is moral? or even fair in front of Allah!! you decide.

some even divorce over phone call! and woman has to chase him around to get her divorce paper or sometimes to go courts and is damn headache and time consuming.

and jasmine, talking about compensations after divorce and wahas

lilahiya, remarriage another one and wait iddah is after 3 one. but second one, they have to redo nikaah and he has to pay dowry/mahr. first one wo iska sasabani.lol

just in case i wasnt clear, the scholars disagreed regarding if second dalwah has to be after the 1 first one ends ( which is 3 mo then) then the second one starts right after end of 3 month. this is qool ibn taimiya and is what is practised in the courts.

[salool]

Marba hadaad ninka kala tagtaan ina la is daba jiitamo ma fiicna.wixiisan ha haysto amaankana ha igu dadaalo.

[Hyperactive]

"Rajactuk means waan ku ceshaday.

Does that require a consensus agreement"

sorry i missed this question. the first and second time, if she still in Iddah, he can change his mind without her consent, as long she is with that time frame. after second time ends, he cannot return her with out her consent and new mahr;
البينونة صغرى

they use this aayah:

الطَّلَاقُ مَرَّتَانِ فَإِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَنْ تَأْخُذُوا مِمَّا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ شَيْئًا إِلَّا أَنْ يَخَافَا أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ فَلَا تَعْتَدُوهَا وَمَنْ يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ

A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold Together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you, (Men), to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by

imam shafi'i and inb hazam, go with qool, you have to pronouce the returning her and get winesses on that . using the aayah 2 surat altalaq:

فَإِذَا بَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ فَارِقُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَأَشْهِدُوا ذَوَيْ عَدْلٍ مِنْكُمْ وَأَقِيمُوا الشَّهَادَةَ لِلَّهِ ذَٰلِكُمْ يُوعَظُ بِهِ مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا
Thus when they fulfil their term appointed, either take them back on equitable terms or part with them on equitable terms; and take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice, and establish the evidence (as) before Allah. Such is the admonition given to him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out,