So my mother is finally back.

[Theguardian]

Guardian,

What do you mean he is not religious? Does he not pray the salah? if he does not pray the salah, ofcourse he cannot marry you because nikah on tarik kusalah is not valid. its like Zinah. If he prays the salah, all you need to tell him is to dress up like he is going for an interview. Make sure he prays atleast one salah that day in your mom's house. Don't remind him to pray let him ask your mom if he can get a masalah. In the somali society, if he pray salah, he is religious, if he wears khamiis, he is sheikh.

If he is Habargidir, he needs to bring caano geel, if he is mareexaan he needs to bring khuule, if he is abgaal, he needs to bring Bun iyo daango, and if he is isaaq, Khat is fine if you have a chewing relative. If he is Ogaden, caano boore is enough

You're so funny!! Not a chewer.
He prays but he looks/dresses like a banker and his afSomali is little bit better than mine. She wants someone who can "better me" in that sense. I don't want him to change his personality for the meeting- I want her to like him as he is like I do.

Would you believe me if I told I don't know what his clan is?
I have to tell him mine because he told his mum about me and his mother asked him to find out last week I think - but I don't think he is issaq.

Sis, the last thing you wanna do is tell your mum I want to get married to this guy but I don't know his clan.

You might not care, God knows I don't give a flying f*ck about Qabiil but unfortunately the ugly truth is that it does matter. Your family would want to know before they even consider inviting his elders to their home. Certain qabiil are a big no no to some families.

The last scenario you would want is his elders sitting in your living room being asked what their clan is and if they for example reply "we are Madhibaan, or any other clans that your family perhaps wouldn't want to marry you off to.. and your uncles get upset and dismissive. That could be very hurtful to them.

You should find out so there will be no surprises.

Good luck.

My family would never disrespect another human being like that.
If they think he is unsuitable for me it will never be because of his clan. And if they have any problems with him they will talk to me afterwards. But regardless they will welcome them. BUT if mother ask; I will just ask him like he did - no big deal.

[Theguardian]

Now everyone is gone, I can talk to her - wish me!

[salool]

Yes, we're somalis.Qabil waligi ma hadhayo.

We're in the West. You should be glad she found a Somali guy to marry.

It could be a lot worse.

I used to think that till i found out some men get married to their former enemies qabiil to get even.You've no idea about all the shit that happens in this world.Some women get abused because they belong to the wrong qabiil.

Wake up.Some parents pass their cuqdad to their kids sp the sons.

Alxamdulilah i grew up in a qabiil free household but now that am older i see the world for what its.Dadkaaga lagama fogaado.

[Theguardian]

TheGuardian obviously comes from a home where a Somali person's clan isn't that important. Don't try to change her because she is not you, wish her all the best since she said she will marry a Somalii. I don't see what the fuss is all about


If I was Guardian's male care-taker(family), I would worry more about him having a steady job and decency than his clan. If a woman's family is very happy with the man she brings home, then that is all that matters. Not what every other Somali thinks.

We make the mistake of assuming every Somali family raises their kids with clan indoctrination. Many Somalis don't care about clan association when it comes to giving away their daughters. They care more about the man's faith, work ethics, and whether he can take care of their daughter emotionally and financially.

I would not marry a Somali woman who emphasizes her clan over her being a Somali honestly. I don't come from that kind of background, so we would not get along from the get go.


TheGuardian and her male suitor seem to be perfectly matched since non of them asked the other what clan they hail from. I wish them all the best.

Aww aren't you the reasonable one.
Thanks.

[balwarama]

Naa heedhe aramaad reerka reerbaarre usoo xaraysaa qabiil magaranayadaada mooyee....lool oo meesha lagu kala qaxaa!

[Susu000]

Yes, we're somalis.Qabil waligi ma hadhayo.

We're in the West. You should be glad she found a Somali guy to marry.

It could be a lot worse.

I used to think that till i found out some men get married to their former enemies qabiil to get even.You've no idea about all the shit that happens in this world.Some women get abused because they belong to the wrong qabiil.

Wake up.Some parents pass their cuqdad to their kids sp the sons.

Alxamdulilah i grew up in a qabiil free household but now that am older i see the world for what its.Dadkaaga lagama fogaado.

Couldn't agree more. Personally my family don't care about qabiil, like my parents my uncles and stuff but there where some family members who had problems with my husbands clan.
Even if the closest family don't care there are always some relatives who still care and don't mind sharing their opinion

[Basra-]

Unannounced --- Haven't seen her over 2 years - she been chilling in Somalia. While I've been waiting for her patiently so I get marry.

So I have to break the news to her today or tomorrow- shitting myself.
Plus my mother loves big wedding - I hate it.
I just want simple mehra and get on with my
life.
So I was thinking maybe instead of me telling her, I could just invite my guy and his people and they can tell her?
Obviously I will tell her in advance that important people are coming for lunch?

Or should I just tell her?
I find it embarrassing me tell my mum "mum am getting marry, would you like to meet my boyfriend" when I think about saying that in afsomali its sounds yucky.

So you married folks how did you break the news to your parents?

Be honest. What would she say if u confessed u r a Lesbian?

[QuantumSatis]

Somali women are getting married to and sleeping around with every ethnic group on planet earth today. So what can go wrong with a Somali man who is decent and wants to marry a Somali female?

Hey Guardian, you did right by your parents by bringing a Somali brother home If your mom and relatives find him decent just as you did. his clan won't be a burden. He can be from any clan, what matters is how he treats you. many Somali women who married their first cousins, second cousins, or one from their clan had their marriage fall apart. Some marriages between cousins work, and that is because the two individuals love each other and get along well not because of their blood ties.


Never base your life on what others expect you to do or tell you to do when it comes to important matters like marriage. You have to do what you are comfortable with. It is your choice, you will blame no one later in life if things fall apart, and if they work, you made the right choice. It is life and we learn through our experiences. Be you and be happy.

Anyways, I wish you good luck

[Hyperactive]

Quantum, preach bro preach.

Alhamdullilah, we are passed that tribe era.

[Smile-LiKe-SuN-RiSE]

is he the same guy who dumped u?
anyway congrats

[Machiavelli2]

Aniga waxaan la yaabanahay dadkaan leh, 'my family doesn't care about qabiil' haddana ku daba dheggan gabadhaan. If she doesn't care about his qabiil, just wish her mabruuk. End of story. Guardian congratulations and good luck Adeer.

[DANGIRL]

I'm beyond elated to see that you plan on marrying a faraah and not abu jamal.

[Lancer]

This sounds like Disney's new Somali inspired love story.

[Theguardian]

Well, that went unexpectedly well. No question about clan or if he is Somali - I told her he was Somali and she just gave me a look.
Asked if his family knew and I said yes- then she said -"they call us when they are ready".

She asked what he does for living, his age, where he grow up and where he lives - was happy when I told her he lives local.
Asked me his mother name but I know only her first name. Asked me his full name - I told her - she think she might know his family
Overall she seems happy
Oh she asked if he goes to the mosque on Fridays - he doesn't - only on Eid day or sometimes his days off - she gave me a look.

Informed him my mother knows - he told his mother so now both parents are on the phone - laughing like old friends.
So they will be agreeing on date to meet.

Oh my mum off the phone now - they agree to speak again middle of this week when relatives are informed, then they will agree on date good for everyone after that.

Oh NOW I know his clan - not far my mine - no beef - the person who said: "some clan men abuse other clan women for revenge" scared me.

(am typing this while am talking to my mum, sad I know)
My mum knows the mother from the mosque so it is all good.

[Theguardian]

I'm beyond elated to see that you plan on marrying a faraah and not abu jamal.

Thanks

Maybe I don't go out as much but this generalisation about Somalis girls marrying non Somalis is exaggerated. Every month I hear Somali marrying Somali.