SomaliNet Forums

FAH1223 wrote:If you don't have money, you ain't nothing to offer

That's kinda harsh- Think it but don't say it out loud

Samatr wrote:^As long as a person has a goal and its within reach money should not be an issue
if its some nigga working at McDees thats chews everyday, with no goals in sight then I understand.
its called broke for the time being, if she can't be with you when your not balling she shouldn't be with you when you are balling, just my two cents.

If he is in the process of achieving this goal he is either already so on the right track that he can afford a place to live or just starting up and a distraction is the last thing he needs. Either way, I am right

BlackVelvet wrote:
That's kinda harsh- Think it but don't say it out loud

Nope, its pretty true to a lot of people

Blacky

shouldnt weight lost be your # 1 priority? Husband can come later.

greenday wrote:No women should pay for her wedding even if the money is falling out of her pockets. But if the man you want has no money waa fine but he must have potential, then you ether wait till money comes or you have a quite nikkah. The man you marry must have good work ethics eg. does he have a part time job while studying?

Ps. After marriage couples should have joint account because you have become one by then.

Potential is good and getting a good job/earning more in the future is awesome, a place to sleep at night is crucial. Like Shirib said, love is blind and there's no point expecting more of the man of your dreams than he's proved capable of providing in reality.

grandpakhalif wrote:you didnt hear that famous hadith where the a man was so poor but was able to marry a girl by offering his knowledge on quran verses as maher. the prophet accepted this maher. this is beautiful example of how marriage should be made simple and easy. seems like BV here is indirectly supporting ZINA by promoting barriers for easy marriage. So do you want these broke people to commit zina instead of marrying cheaply? subhanallah.

And you haven't heard about the haddith advising men to fast if they can't afford to get married? Stop advocating being a lazy mashaqeysto "wadaad"

Murax wrote:Me I'm kinda from the Old School Where I do belive the Man should already have a job, should be able to pay for all/most of the expenses of the family with the other small amount possibly coming from His family. That being said, there are a lot of things BV either doesn't mention or is trying to keep under wraps.


First of all it is 99% of the time the case where it is the Girl who is pressing,pressuring the Guy nonstop on getting married quickly, knowing damn well he is not ready, not even giving him time to sort of try to sort some things out finanacially, etc. Still the Guy should be strong enough to tell her, sit down, relax I'll marry You when I"m ready. It seems a lot of guys are afraid the girl will walk out or something. Secondly the types of weddings a lot of these girls want is sooo unrealistic to expect a Faarax to pay. 70k Weddings in lavish downtown hotels just so they can be the show for one night. Again its up to the Faarax to talk sense into the girl and tell her exactly what his budget is.


One of my buddies got married recently, he was in his last year of school and he met this girl. They really hit it off and the girl wanted to get engaged. They got engaged, he ended up graduating and he got a great job and now they're married. Sure they didn't have a wedding party, but they have a good marriage and the girls who are talking trash about her not having a party are single anyway.

Why are you guys stuck on the lavish wedding issue? You should just say alxamdulillah that Somali girls can use being religious as a valid excuse to save you some cash. Just tell her it's haram to have a mixed wedding; it will cut the cost dramatically. But to make her pay for it, that is sad.

FAH1223 wrote:Nope, its pretty true to a lot of people

Sounded like it was true for you.

Basra- wrote:Blacky

shouldnt weight lost be your # 1 priority? Husband can come later.

How long do you reckon it will take you to lose the pregnancy weight? Maybe we can have a competition.

Black sis, i don't see how the marriage happened without a house in the first place. waxyaba qarkod waa necessity and marriage can not work without it. something to eat and place to sleep waa must its the wedding that i was talking about.

BlackVelvet wrote:

Murax wrote:Me I'm kinda from the Old School Where I do belive the Man should already have a job, should be able to pay for all/most of the expenses of the family with the other small amount possibly coming from His family. That being said, there are a lot of things BV either doesn't mention or is trying to keep under wraps.


First of all it is 99% of the time the case where it is the Girl who is pressing,pressuring the Guy nonstop on getting married quickly, knowing damn well he is not ready, not even giving him time to sort of try to sort some things out finanacially, etc. Still the Guy should be strong enough to tell her, sit down, relax I'll marry You when I"m ready. It seems a lot of guys are afraid the girl will walk out or something. Secondly the types of weddings a lot of these girls want is sooo unrealistic to expect a Faarax to pay. 70k Weddings in lavish downtown hotels just so they can be the show for one night. Again its up to the Faarax to talk sense into the girl and tell her exactly what his budget is.


One of my buddies got married recently, he was in his last year of school and he met this girl. They really hit it off and the girl wanted to get engaged. They got engaged, he ended up graduating and he got a great job and now they're married. Sure they didn't have a wedding party, but they have a good marriage and the girls who are talking trash about her not having a party are single anyway.

Why are you guys stuck on the lavish wedding issue? You should just say alxamdulillah that Somali girls can use being religious as a valid excuse to save you some cash. Just tell her it's haram to have a mixed wedding; it will cut the cost dramatically. But to make her pay for it, that is sad.

The reason people are talking about the 'lavish wedding' is because they are quite predominant. You have Grandmother's taking money out of their social security (future retirement) to help finance this nonsense. I agree with You I do see broke brothas who shouldn't be getting married, getting married and thats a issue too. Also the fact that You are making it look like "Religion" is being used to justify modest weddings is not the case. It has nothing to do with Religion just saying a 70k wedding is out of anybodys budget it is just practicality. That being said the consensus is that relatively modest weddings cost around $15,000 and I do think those types of weddings that are realistic the faarax can pay. No matter what he's getting paid, anybody with a fulltime job can save that much over the course of a year, several months, etc.

Its futile arguing with you, you have a mindset which is set upon feminist ideals. You interpret things to suit these ideals instead of the opposite. You totally missed the essence of the hadith.

ciao.

Murax wrote:

BlackVelvet wrote:

Murax wrote:Me I'm kinda from the Old School Where I do belive the Man should already have a job, should be able to pay for all/most of the expenses of the family with the other small amount possibly coming from His family. That being said, there are a lot of things BV either doesn't mention or is trying to keep under wraps.


First of all it is 99% of the time the case where it is the Girl who is pressing,pressuring the Guy nonstop on getting married quickly, knowing damn well he is not ready, not even giving him time to sort of try to sort some things out finanacially, etc. Still the Guy should be strong enough to tell her, sit down, relax I'll marry You when I"m ready. It seems a lot of guys are afraid the girl will walk out or something. Secondly the types of weddings a lot of these girls want is sooo unrealistic to expect a Faarax to pay. 70k Weddings in lavish downtown hotels just so they can be the show for one night. Again its up to the Faarax to talk sense into the girl and tell her exactly what his budget is.


One of my buddies got married recently, he was in his last year of school and he met this girl. They really hit it off and the girl wanted to get engaged. They got engaged, he ended up graduating and he got a great job and now they're married. Sure they didn't have a wedding party, but they have a good marriage and the girls who are talking trash about her not having a party are single anyway.

Why are you guys stuck on the lavish wedding issue? You should just say alxamdulillah that Somali girls can use being religious as a valid excuse to save you some cash. Just tell her it's haram to have a mixed wedding; it will cut the cost dramatically. But to make her pay for it, that is sad.

The reason people are talking about the 'lavish wedding' is because they are quite predominant. You have Grandmother's taking money out of their social security (future retirement) to help finance this nonsense. I agree with You I do see broke brothas who shouldn't be getting married, getting married and thats a issue too. Also the fact that You are making it look like "Religion" is being used to justify modest weddings is not the case. It has nothing to do with Religion just saying a 70k wedding is out of anybodys budget it is just practicality. That being said the consensus is that relatively modest weddings cost around $15,000 and I do think those types of weddings that are realistic the faarax can pay. No matter what he's getting paid, anybody with a fulltime job can save that much over the course of a year, several months, etc.

Best weddings cost less than 25 grand and that is me going to the max, the average Somali wedding in London costs 8 thousands.

Murax, I am being practical. Religion is a valid excuse. But it has to be believable, Noble can get away with it, so can Hyper and the other wadaad-ish guys on here. Adiga not so much. The 15K, if you've accepted the reality, is something -like you pointed out- both families contribute towards. So it's not that hard. If it is, take my previous advice.

greenday wrote:Black sis, i don't see how the marriage happened without a house in the first place. waxyaba qarkod waa necessity and marriage can not work without it. something to eat and place to sleep waa must its the wedding that i was talking about.

Then I am in complete agreement with you

grandpakhalif wrote:Its futile arguing with you, you have a mindset which is set upon feminist ideals. You interpret things to suit these ideals instead of the opposite. You totally missed the essence of the hadith.

ciao.

You just interpret things in whatever way it suits you.

The man couldn't afford a mehr, he had a house, that's where he was sent to look for mehr wasn't it? This has nothing to do with feminism. If anything it may be considered anti-feminist because I am talking about a man providing for his wife.

BlackVelvet wrote:Murax, I am being practical. Religion is a valid excuse. But it has to be believable, Noble can get away with it, so can Hyper and the other wadaad-ish guys on here. Adiga not so much. The 15K, if you've accepted the reality, is something -like you pointed out- both families contribute towards. So it's not that hard. If it is, take my previous advice.

greenday wrote:Black sis, i don't see how the marriage happened without a house in the first place. waxyaba qarkod waa necessity and marriage can not work without it. something to eat and place to sleep waa must its the wedding that i was talking about.

Then I am in complete agreement with you

First of all, whats all this with Religion aad sheekada dhex gelineysid. What I am expressing is 100% my views I never said this is what Diinta says. I always despise people who use Religion as a tool for anything so lets make this clear this is my own personal view. Me stating what I'd feel comfortable paying has to do with my circumstances, it has nothing to do with Religion. My Two older brothers are married, and My older sis is in the process of getting married right now. On top of that I have countless friends, associates who got married in my area. Everything from the Wedding cake, To the Hall, to the food, Wedding dress, waan la socda and the average I've seen is about 15 to maybe a little over 20k. This can be done quite easily, but ofcourse the Hotel will be somewhat aveage. Now You want to get a 4 Seasons 1s Upscale Hotel on a primetime Saturday Night, in Downtown Washington DC, obvioulsy You gotta be willing to fork up some serious cash flow. Anyways for Me, that is what My limit is call it cheap or whatever. While I kinda find it ceeb to discuss money, obvioulsy the groom has to be honest about what He can afford. I don't know about Where You live, but most Faaraxs in their '20s do not have the kind of income to drop more than 25k on a wedding. Also keep in mind everything I'm saying is assuming the Faarax is paying everything on His absolute own. Personally I don't believe in relying on family to get married, Your family have their own family issues, ninka ragg ah should be able to buckle down and at least pay for most of the expenses himself. My plan would be to basically give my Wife to be a lump sum (15k) or something like that and say Here You go plan Your wedding, and good luck

Murax wrote: Personally I don't believe in relying on family to get married, Your family have their own family issues, ninka ragg ah should be able to buckle down and at least pay for most of the expenses himself.

I feel so proud at this moment. You have been raised well my ilko yar friend.

My plan would be to basically give my Wife to be a lump sum (15k) or something like that and say Here You go plan Your wedding, and good luck

This is a bad idea. After all the weddings you still don't realise that they are always over budget? $50 says you will be asked for a little extra, a guy who can afford a 15K lump sum can afford a few more Gs...sadly how humans work

bv your very smart girl, you just created this thread to fish and see which guy is broke and which guy is marriageable so ma ahan..duqda siirtaada maanta waan ku fahmay.
btw you should teach qoraxey how to fish if you know what I mean.