Waa yaab - a phenomenon in the Somali community

[BlackVelvet]

Where's the fun in being with someone who agrees with your every word? Where's the passion, where's the fire?! lol I get carried away.

You misunderstood, the things that have to be the same are the values, the foundation and the basis of the marriage. Certain things are deal breakers and all I'm saying is it's better to be up front about them from the get go instead of pretending that all is dandy and then realising you were lying to yourself 5yrs later.

[Alphanumeric]

So major things like family planning, preferred country, parents, Islamic models, etc? Or something like lifestyle standards/spending habits, finances, social interactions, etc?

I think we need a single thread dedicated to understanding exactly how the other gender thinks when it comes to what to bring to the table when discussing marriage. It seems most if not all of us are skipping around what we want to say, while being unrealistic and at times aggressive. I don't think there's anything wrong in appropriately discussing our views, in the hope of reflecting what some members of our genders see as integral and vital points in propositions. I can't think of any venue where we can openly and adequately discuss issues and reproach views we find intolerable, while learning from each other and bettering our opinions. I don't if Snet would be it, I doubt so.

[BlackVelvet]

All of them. At first glance you think family planning, preferred country, parents, Islamic models, etc are more important, they are important but family planning is not 100% reliable, though you should have a rough idea of how many kids you both want, family is always unpredictable, most people don't want to live with their in-laws but what do you know if your mother in-law falls ill and demands to live with her son/daughter? etc etc As long as you have the same values then these are things that you work through as your marriage grows IMO.

Now these things: lifestyle standards/spending habits, finances, social interactions are pretty much black or white and people are either compatible or incompatible. Does she want to remain in contact with her male friends? Will he demand that he knows all her friends? How much is okay to spend in a month on clothes, food etc? It's the little things that breakdown a relationship.

[grandpakhalif]

Why do people make marriage so complicated in the west?

It's simple, you pay the mehr, you have a small, modest walimah. And Walla! Your married.

[Daff]

All of them. At first glance you think family planning, preferred country, parents, Islamic models, etc are more important, they are important but family planning is not 100% reliable, though you should have a rough idea of how many kids you both want, family is always unpredictable, most people don't want to live with their in-laws but what do you know if your mother in-law falls ill and demands to live with her son/daughter? etc etc As long as you have the same values then these are things that you work through as your marriage grows IMO.

Now these things: lifestyle standards/spending habits, finances, social interactions are pretty much black or white and people are either compatible or incompatible. Does she want to remain in contact with her male friends? Will he demand that he knows all her friends? How much is okay to spend in a month on clothes, food etc? It's the little things that breakdown a relationship.

You are right about the litle things that breakdown a relationship, but keeping in touch with male friends after getting married is not a little thing,, that is a NO NO. waaxay naag laqabo oo leh male friends, BV plan on cutting them faaraxs loose afer you get married

[BlackVelvet]

^^ they can meet one another and we can all chill out together.

Why do people make marriage so complicated in the west?

It's simple, you pay the mehr, you have a small, modest walimah. And Walla! Your married.

Are you okay with your wife to go to work after marriage? Walk around the xafaad, shopping, movies etc without you?

[tightrope]

IF HE MAKES HIGH SIX OR SEVEN FIGURES AND SENDS ME ALOT OF MONEY EVERY MONTH, THEN I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HIM WORKING ABROAD!

[Alphanumeric]

All of them. At first glance you think family planning, preferred country, parents, Islamic models, etc are more important, they are important but family planning is not 100% reliable, though you should have a rough idea of how many kids you both want, family is always unpredictable, most people don't want to live with their in-laws but what do you know if your mother in-law falls ill and demands to live with her son/daughter? etc etc As long as you have the same values then these are things that you work through as your marriage grows IMO.

Now these things: lifestyle standards/spending habits, finances, social interactions are pretty much black or white and people are either compatible or incompatible. Does she want to remain in contact with her male friends? Will he demand that he knows all her friends? How much is okay to spend in a month on clothes, food etc? It's the little things that breakdown a relationship.

I agree with of your points, but mostly that it depends on shared values and outlook. Unfortunately people may claim to uphold certain respectable values and opinions, but when push comes to shove, they don't produce. And yes, it is the little things that breakdown a relationship, but with communication and honesty they can be overcome, imo. Sadly that doesn't occur as often as it should.

[BlackVelvet]

Which is why people should have an honest conversation about these things. It might not be the most romantic of conversations but it's important. The contract is just a reflection of your commitment to whatever you decide at the end of your conversation. I hate it when people talk about ish and then don't deliver. This just clears the air and everyone knows exactly what the other expects.

[Alphanumeric]

Why not run the marathon and get lawyers involved and have it notarized?

Personally, I see the contract as a cold method of things. I don't know of any way to guarantee anyone's actions, but I think in this situation something like a contract wouldn't be the method. A verbal agreement, yes. A contract would be the never ending pink elephant. I wonder how many people would be ok with that?

[BlackVelvet]

I like knowing exactly what to expect and exactly what is expected in every single situation (note big deal about waryaa's sticky). Having it written is just a way not to forget and to have a point of reference in case you remember things differently.

[Alphanumeric]

Lol, all I read is you want something to cite when nagging him.

[BlackVelvet]

If you have an agreement you stick to it unless you have a good excuse. That's how it works. People who don't live up to their word are not to be trusted, most certainly not to be married and dear God never ever have children with them.

[The_Patriot]

A glimpse at BV

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[anonymousfaarax]

Lol, all I read is you want something to cite when nagging him.

"Article 5 states that ... "