The phone call

[Lamagoodle]

Ismaciil, Arman and Inasamaale; glad that you are enjoying the story.

[Peroxide]

Beautiful story telling.

[Lamagoodle]

Chapter VI: The nephew that is not

Late August is usually very wet in northern Europe. It is that time of the year when summer bids farewell. It is that time of the year when autumn makes itself known; leaves fall, rain is common and people begin to go to work.

In some parts of Northern Europe, the night time temperatures could hit as low as 10 degrees Celsius and Darmstadt was not different. It has had a great summer; sunny, hot and dry.

In Somalia and semi-arid countries, sunny, hot and dry days are not bliss. At best it is a prelude to prolonged draught. Heat symbolizes death of animals and people.

However, this was Darmstadt where water is in abundance where greenery is common.

Jeele had gone to bed after hours of reflections on the past decades of his life. He had devised his plans for tomorrow. He will call Jamiila . Speak to her for more than two hour and enquire about their neighbourhood in Xamar Cade.

He will ask her about dozens of people; are they dead? Or are they alive? Did some of them make it Europe?

He will also – if she does not volunteer- ask her about what is she doing in London? Is she married? How many kids does she have? Etc.

Based on the previous brief conversations, he had a hunch that Jamiila left Mogadishu decades ago.

Although words such “aboowe macaan” were a manifest of the Banaadir accent, there was something in her words that reminded him that she had visited Mudug and the northern part of Somalia.

Could it be the case that she lived in Ceel Afweye- the birth place of her mother? Could she have been married to someone from Mudug?

Could she have been a victim of the forced marriage fables that have been circulating among Somalis?

The Somali civil war was instrumental in inventing several allegories most of them just for fun.

There is one that claimed that a “maqabiyo” from Shingaani was forcefully married by a Moryaan from Cadaado.

This urban legend claimed that , a Maqabiyo by the name of Maano - a teenager- was abducted/eloped by Gureey, of the Lamagoodle brigade that controlled Shingaani .

Shingaani- in the old city- bordered Xamar weyne, Abdulaziz and Boondheere districts ; the economic hub of Muqdisho and Somalia . It was here that banks were located; the Somali printing press, cinemas and hotels.

Apart from Somalis, it was in Shingani that Arabs, Jews, Indians and Pakistanis lived.

There were relatively fewer ethnic Somalis who were domiciled in Shingaani.

Shingaani also differed in terms of architecture. There were no villas. There were no bars in which patrons played Daba-ka-eri. There were no fadhi-ku-dirirs. Apartment and storey buildings.

According to the fable, Gurey abducted Maano and took her to Cadaado. After months of not hearing a word from her, her parents and relatives came to the awful conclusion that she was dead.

Maano was a fine young woman who loved her family. She was engaged to her cousin Nuraani who she loved. While many of her contemporaries viewed arranged marriages as a vicious mechanism that defied the tenets of love, Maano was pleased that she landed her handsome and smart cousin.

Thus, there is no logical reason for her disappearance. The only reason she did not get in touch was that she is dead, her family reasoned.

The family organised a burial without a body. Several goats were slaughtered; quran and duca were read.

The conjecture that Maano was dead was falsified one day in 2000 when according to this urban legend, Maano called
home. Her mother picked the phone;

Mom; yaa waaye?

Maana; ani waaye umaay

Mom; adiga yaa waaye?

Maana: Ani waaye umaay; Maana

Mom; bismilaahi raxmaani raxiim; inteed joogtaa?

Maana; Cadaado

Mom; Cadaabta aa?

Fables always end with a laughter and the “Cadaabtaa aa” instead of “Cadaado” provided the icing.

The punch line is what makes or breaks an urban legend.

Apparently, the geography of Somalia was not a prioritised subject in Xaaji Aweys’s home. The Aweys family had been living in Somalia for centuries. They were Somalis to the born but were culturally different.

Some ignorant and racist Somalis viewed them as strangers in their own country. The Banaadiris also contributed to the notion that they were not Somalis by not assimilating; they intermarried, created special dialects and had nicknames fsuch as Lamagoodle, reer koraad etc for the somalis.

They also created a gynaecological narrative that placed their history outside Somalis. They could be Omanis (descedents of Sayid Sayid, Sayid Barqash), Indians, Pakistanis or Yemenis.

Just like somalis who engage in social constructions of tribal trees, the Banaadiris could also end up being the descdents of the prophet.

In line with classical racism, which views immigrants as the source of all quandaries, the Banaadiris were viewed by many Lamagoodles as abusing the system. According to unsubstantiated claims, the Banaadiris did not pay taxes and abused those who worked for them and that they transferred funds overseas.

Jealousy based on economic sucess is a disease.

Little did the Lamagoodles know that many of the founders of the Somali Youth League which was instrumental in the realisation of Somali independence were Banaadiris.

As the great, Dr. Martin Luther King said, “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity .

Jamiila was not a true blood Banaadiri. Her dad- Yaxye- was a Banaadiri who was brought up in Xamarweyne, adjacent to Shingaani. He was the first cohort of Somali military personal that were sent to Italy in 1961 following independence. He was later trained in Egypt.

On the 21st of October, 1969, Yaxye was a captain in the tank brigade of the 8th division of army group 3. Army group 3 was feared and its members vetted. It was equivalent to the Iraq’s republican guard. It was placed on border towns; North of Beledweyne in the hills of Ceel Gaal, the hills of Dhuusay between Doolow and Luuq; Ceelberde, Buulo Xaawo, Looyo Cade and Galdogob.

Although there was no war declared, Somalia was at war with Ethiopia and Kenya. The existence of Somalia in one way or the other depended on the emancipation of the three remaining Somali territories.

Yaxye was promoted to the rank of lieutenant colonel and then Colonel because the Revolution viewed him as someone who not only embraced the doctrines of scientific socialism but also a military strategist. He was influenced by the Russian general, Georgy Zhukov, who orchestrated the crushing of the German Panzers which were known for their so-called Blitzkrieg.

Yaxye came up with novel ideas about how to fight the wars of liberation. He was very disciplined and loved by those he commanded. This was before Power Point presentations, so he used sand to draw the expected battle fronts and used cardboards as decoys.

Jamiila’s mom, Ardo, on the other hand, was a true Lamagoodle. She was born to a nomadic familiy in the Ceel Afweyne area, which is located between cerigaabo and Oog.

Ceel Afweyne was at that time the most inhabitable town in that part of Somalia. The wells produced salty water; mosquitoes were common. In the 1980s when Mamma Ardo and Jamiila visited Ceel Afweyne the town was hospitable; there was fresh water transported from Ceerigaabo. This visit had positive ramifications for Jamiila who never left Xamar.

To Jamiila Somalis outside Xamar were Lamagoodles who never eat vegetable; they lived on Cad iyo Caano she theorised. That is why they are skinny and dark.

But her prejudices were expunged b went she to Cerigaabo and discovered that this area had more fruits that Xamar; it was also cold given Daalo unlike Xamar

.Yaxye was visiting his troops in the Buhoodle area in 1971 and as destiny had it, one of the vehicles in the convoy got a puncture in Oog (the border point). Some of the people of the town brought them some food.

Among the curious bystanders was Ardo. She was attending school in Ceel Afweyne but this was the holiday season. Yaxye, who by now was a bachelor and was pressured by his family to marry was mesmerised by the beauty in front of him.

She was tall, had beautiful smile (suuro) and coloured teeth ( ilko-case). Having tainted teeth was viewed as an attribute of beauty in Somalia.

He enquired about her and was told that Ardo was the daughter of Meygaag, the headmaster of Ceel Afweyne. So, he ordered the convoy to Ceel Afweyne where he asked for Ardo’s hand.

Ardo then joined Gaheyr University where she studied international relations. She got a diplomatic position at the Ministry of Foreign affairs. In 1978, she was appointed as the first secretary to Yemen for a short sejour.

The family lived in Xamar Jajab, Muqdisho and they spoke Banaadiri accent with the exception of Mamma Ardo, who frequently used “ Jaw” “Naw” “ Dee” etc.

Jeele looked at his wall clock and saw that it was 9.30 am. He had been sleeping since midnight last night!

He had a horrible dream; he was at the Istunka in Afgoye on warm April day. Istuunka and the Dabshid are ceremonies to commemorate crop harvest by agrarian societies. Some elements of the Istunka including large fireballs can be witnessed in Persia, Turkia, Northern Europe etc. In these countries, the Dabshidka ( Neyruus, midsommar) illustrates the arrival of spring when life comes; trees blossom.

Jeele dialled Jamiila's number and a voice at the other end said “hello”

Jeele; Asc, waxaan rabay Jamiila

A voice in a cockney accent replied; mom is not there now; who is that?

Jeele spoke relatively good English; he could even differentiate between the B and P sounds and V and F sounds. But, while his command of the English language was grammatically excellent, he had an African English accent

Jeele; I am Jeele, an old acquaintance of Jamiila; who are you?

The voice; o, o, yeah, Mom mentioned you. She said you are her nephew.

Jeele was about to shout “ what nephew?” “ we are not” I had a crash on her” etc but he said “ yes, when can I call her?”

The voice; eh,eh, actually in about 3 hours’ time

Jeele was beginning to see an opportunity to find out more about Jamiila from this voice at the other end.

Jeele; are you her daughter?

The voice; yes, I am her oldest daughter.

Jeele wanted to ask her how old she was in order to know more about Jamiila but stopped short when he heard the voice say “aboowe isug”.

Another “aboowe”! This is the “aboowe” family, he thought to himself.

Hello!

Jeele; yes

“ Aboowe I am sorry. My son was crying upstairs” I am sorry to keep you that long.

Jeele; your son? Maasha allah, How is he?

The voice; he is two years

Jeele; what is his name?

The voice; Benjamin

Jeele; Benjamiin?

The voice; yes, his dad is Swede

Jeele; Swede?

This conversation increased Jeele’s appetite for more information.

The voice; yes, he lives in Sweden. We are separated.

Jeele; Ok. Will you please tell mom that I called her

The voice; aboowe is it true that you are married to a German woman? Mom was telling us that you were married to a German woman and that you and I share many commonalities

Jeele knew that Xaawaleys were at work. Jamiila has probably created a narrative on him for reasons only known to Xaawaleys.

Jeele: well, let us talk another time. Tell mom that I will call her this afternoon

[kambuli]

Wow!!

[Lamagoodle]

Wow!!

Kambuli ma la dhacday sheekada?

[Lillaahiya]

Among the curious bystanders was Jamiila. She was attending school in Ceel Afweyne but this was the holiday season. Yaxye, who by now was a bachelor and was pressured by his family to marry was mesmerised by the beauty in front of him.

She was tall, had beautiful smile (suuro) and coloured teeth ( ilko-case). Having tainted teeth was viewed as an attribute of beauty in Somalia.

He enquired about her and was told that Ardo was the daughter of Meygaag, the headmaster of Ceel Afweyne. So, he ordered the convoy to Ceel Afweyne where he asked for Ardo’s hand.

Magacyaasha ayaad is waydaarisay.

Again, hurry

[Ismail87]

^ maad dhibta naga joojisid alahaa baad u ooyaysaaye.

Great work Lamagoodle.

[Lamagoodle]

Edited.

Yes, I wrote it in a hurry.

So, why are you sad? Because of the editing errors?

No need to answer because I will not respond to you.

Ismaciil; great that at least you are enjoying the story. I am ignoring Lilaahiya because TOOSH ayaay igu haaysaa

[Lillaahiya]

I want to read the convo, that's all. Something always happens that cuts the phone call short

[Maandhow]

To Jamiila Somalis outside Xamar were Lamagoodles who never eat vegetable; they lived on Cad iyo Caano she theorised. That is why they are skinny and dark.

Aloore Jeele iyo jamiilo sheekadooda aa iigu socotee aakhirkii ma is guursadeen?

[kambuli]

Lamagoodle,

Runtii waa sheeko xiiso badan..La isma xistiyee.. It makes more sense to my age group.. Thanks anyway.

[Lamagoodle]

Maandhow, waan dhameeystirayaa markaan waqti u helo.

Kambuli; waan ku faraxsanahay inaan ku soo xasuusiyey waxyaabo badan.

[Lamagoodle]

Chapter V; Initial probe

Hello! Waxaan rabay inaan la hadlo Jamiila

Waa iyada ee yaa waaye?

Waa Jeele

Haa aboow ii waran? Waa la ii sheegay inaad I soo wacday

Haa walaal waxaan la hadlay gabadhaada

Aboowe nooloshaada ka waran?

Nooloshadeey waa iska aboosto replied Jeele with an emphasis on the Italian word “aboosto” (sig ).

Although Jeele did not speak Italian, the conversation with Jamiila evoked memories of Xamar. He suddenly found himself using italian mispronounced words such as “aboosto “ Beenisom” “beele” and Alore.

These words were used by somalis back in Xamar – rather innocently- to portray themselves as reer magaal.

Aboowe, Jarmalka maxaad ka qabataa? Asked Jamiila

Waan shaqeeyaa inadeer he replied.

Jamiila’s question of what he does for a living was in line with the conventional wisdom of Somali introductions. For strange reasons, people want to know what one does for a living before they enquire about their wellbeing and health issues.

This fascination could understandably be deduced our obsession with titles. Dittore, Injineere, duuliye, etc are used not only to flatter others but also give a class perspective.

In the absence of the academic titles, xildhibaan, indheer garad, aqoonyahayan have become pervasive. It seems that the title “aqoonyahayn” in particular is ubiquitous and can be used on everyone.

We are a nation that brags about everything.

Maxaad ka shaqeeysaa?

Jeele has been living outside Somalia for more than two decades and although he is still attached to Somalia e.g. through music and has not lost his command of the Somali language, he has tacitly embraced the western culture; modesty, less bragging, never asking about other peoples’ details, their salaries etc are some of them of the issues that are only confined to friends and family.

Inadeer waan iska xamaasha replied Jeele.

Back in Somalia, the word “Xamaali” was used to describe the muruq maals – people who do physical work. However, among diaspora somalis it is used as a reference to denote blue collar or temporary work.

Xamaal aa? Oo maxaa dhacay soo adiga wax bartay?

It became apparent that Jamiila- although claiming to have lived in London for more than a decade- is a dupe of Somali diaspora discourse which is governed by the dichotomy of reer magaal and reer baadiye.

Xamaali, Xoogsade and Muruq Maal are professions for those of the lower class. Those somalis who are generally viewed as inferior despite being industries. Jeele had reasoned a lot on the ambiguous class system of Somali society during his days in Germany and concluded that the ills of Somalia could be explained by the inability of his people to encourage the evolution of industrial culture. Nomadic pride coupled with nascent abundance fed to them through oratory and later on massmedia, had resulted in shunning industrious endeavours such shoemaking, welding, construction etc.

Jeele had met many Somalis across the world. Although he is not the typical diaspora Somali he loves visiting Somali areas in London, Stockholm, Naples, Toronto and Minneapolis. Visiting somalis in the diaspora gives him a therapeutic feel good.

The aura, the tastes and the sounds of somalis are irresistible.

On one occasion, he visited Stockholm and met an old friend, Geele who was half deaf. Geele was not born in Xamar but in a small village called Gidhays south of Gelinsoor in the Galgaduud area.

Geele and Jeele met in Xamar. Geele was the clown of the area; the dhoore kind of person. The one that kids make fun of; the one that people joke about.

People from other parts of Somalia were subjected to jokes about the way they talked, eat and walked.

When they met in Stockholm, Geele told him about the process that led to his asylum; he claimed that he was a shoe maker in Shibis- a suburb of Mogadishu and that he was a infiltrator from the National Security service (NSS). His task was to listen and spy on his clients.

Muqdisho in the 1980s was rife with spooks; there was the NSS which jailed anti-revolutionary elements in the famours Goodka under the auspicious of the notorious Jilicow; there was also the Hangash- the military intelligence service- and CID where people were interrogated.

So, Geele’s claim that he worked as a spy was plausible to the Swedish authorities specially since this was a few years after the collapse of the nation state known as Somalia.

The police interrogator took Jeele statement that he was a spy who eavesdropped on potential enemies of the state.

After the interview the policeman asked one final question; how is your health?

Geele replied that he is ok except for the fact that he did not hear that much. He was partially deaf he claimed hoping that his health will be an asset in gaining asylum.

The officer raised his voice and asked him; let me see; you claim that you are spy who eavesdropped on potential criminals but your hearing is impeded?

Geele knew that he was caught in a lie and being a smart dhoore he replied that it was the Bazooka from the USC that made him deaf.

Inadeerey waan iska shaqeystaa, replied Jeele

Shaqo nooceed qabataa? Asked Jamiila.

Jeele theorised that the only reason why Jamiila wants to know what kind of work he does is because she will probably boast about meeting an old sweetheart who has attained a unlimited accomplishment.

This was the nature of Xaawaleeys, he reasoned. Despite living many years in the west, where class has been subjected to a backbench, Somalis still continue to brag about achievements. In Jeele’s world, mentioning your title is a shame. Bragging is viewed as a marker of low self-esteem and a rudiment of mental handicap.

But, he is talking a Somali woman and hitherto should abandon the institutional frame of reference that he carries along in day-to-day activities.

Walaal, xafiis ayaan ka shaqeeyaa; replied Jeele.

Adigu maxaad qabataa? Asked Jeele

“Jaamacad ayaan dhigtaa” replied Jamiila in a voice that carried pride.

Jaamacadee? Asked Jeele who is familiar with the universities in London.

Wan-bali- college replied Jamiila

Wan-bali aa? Ma waxaad ka wadaa Wembley college? Asked Jeele who was convinced that this was a classic case of bragging

Haa aboowe macaan; waa taasi. Waxaan bartaa kombiyutar.

Ok. Bal ii waran nooloshaada? Dadkii aan xamar ku naqaane qaar ka mid ah ma aragtaa? Aaway aabe iyo Hooyo? Walaalka Fiidow aaway?

Aboowe, taleefoon kuma kala dhergeeyno; ee baal tool ma soo gashaa? Asked Jamiila

Baal tool maxaa waaye walaal? Asked Jeele, rather bewildered

Oo baal tool ma taqaanid miyaa? Asked Jamiila mockingly

Maya walaal ma aqaani. Replied Jeele embarrassingly

Waa meel internetka oo lagu sheekeysto

Ok. Ma lihi walaal; ma lacag ayaa lagu gala?

Maya waa lacag la’aan. Feeys Buug ma leedahay?

Maya walaal ma lihi laakin e-mail ayaan leeyahay

Jeelow maxaa kugu dhacay? Nin reer magaal ah oo wax bartay ayaad ahayde? Baal tool iyo Feys bug dadka dhan waay isticmaalaane. Xataa kuwa hadda baadiyaha laga keeney.

Waqti uma haayi waxyaabahaasi replied Jeele and added that he will visit her in London.

Koleey sheeko kama kala dhergeeyno, marka waan kuu imaanayaa he assured her

Waa tahay aboowe macaan. Gormaad imaaneeysaa?

Waxaan imaanayaa bisha soo socota dhamaadkeeda.. adigu Wembley miyaad degantahay?

Haa aboowe, Wan-beli ayaan deganahay. Waan ku soo dhoweynayaa.

Jeele wanted to know about her marital statues; was she married? How many kids does she have?

Jamiiloy; ma xaas baad tahay hadda? Meeqa caruur ayaad leedahay?

Aboowe macaanow, duqeeyga waan kala tagnay. Shan caruur ayaan leeyahay.

He could sense that that question moved her; that she was probably thinking that there will be love in the air.

Haa gabartaada ayaan la hadlay shalay. Waxaay ii sheegtay inaay leedahay wiil yar.

Haa aboowe, ayadoo yar ayaa la guursaday; caadada xataa kama imaanin markaay ninkaasi baratay

Somali women and age he Jeele thought to himself do not go hand in hand. A Somali woman will always find ways to make her sound, walk and look younger.

So, Jamiila is making a case for being a grandmother.

Oo shanta caruurtaba ma asagaad u dhashay? Asked Jeele

Maya caruurteeyda waa kala aabo; gabarta aad shalay la hadashay iyo wiilka hadda qalan jebiyey waxaan ku dhalay Soomaaliya; aabahood waan kala tagnay

Markaan Landhan imidna waxaay guursadey nin kale; laba caruur ayaan u dhalay waana kala tagnay. Mid kalena waxyar ayaan is qabnay; hal wiil oo laba jir ayaan u dhalay. Nimankaan hadda jira waa rag xun; masuul ma qaadaan; guriga ayaay iska jiifaan; nin fiican si loo helo waay adag tahay said Jamiila in a rhetorical sense.

Jeele did not want to become the devil’s advocate. He wanted to state that for every bad man there is a bad woman and that Somali men claim that are mentally castrated in the west while their womenfolk think that they gained a testicle. But, that kind of retorting will have to wait. There is a lot at stake and sounding like a battered man will not help his course.

Ok. Waa iska caadi. Waa calaf

The word “calaf”(destiny) is always beneficial as a defensive mechanism when the going gets tough. Together with “amar Ilaah” it has somehow the ability to cut short sensitive issues.

So, Jeele hoped that by invoking the calaf card, Jamiila will not go on male bashing at this stage.

Adiga xaas ma leedahay aboowe? Asked Jamiila

It was his turn now. Jeele knew that that is bound to come sooner or later.

Maya walaal. Weli calafkeeyga ma helin

Maxaa dhacay aboowe? Asked Jamiila

Waa calaf walaal. Ilaahey weli ii ma qorin

Waa runtaa said Jamiila in a seductive voice; waa in Landhan mid lagaaga raadiyaa!

Jeele although not a soothsayer knew that the “ lagaaga raadiyaa” was a fib. Why didn’t she just say that “ I am available and for the taking”? he asked himself

Abaayo, waan kuu imanayaa bisha dambe. Hotel ayaan ku degayaa oo u dhow Wembley; afar habeen ayaan kula joogayaa

Afar habeen aa? Asked Jamiila

Haa , fasax ma haaysti markaan waxaan soo baxayaa khamiis, axadna waan soo noqonayaa.

Hoteel maxaad yeeleysaa? Anigaad igu soo degeeysaa

Jeele knew from experience that “aniga ayaa igu soo degeeysa” is common for somalis to say. It is courtesy word but in reality things can be different. He has been to countries where the “anigaad igu soo degi” words did not materialise

Maya walaal, mushkilo ma laha. Siduu ilaahey yeelo ayaay noqoni. Markaan tiketka soo goosto ayaan ku soo wacayaa.
Waa tahay aboowe.

Iigu salaam caruurtaada. Gaar ahaan Benjamin hooyadiis.

Waa tahay waan ku sugaayaa…

[InaSamaale]

Lol@ making a case for being a grandmother. A couple of Somali habo's names came to mind when reading that.

They're finally going to meet.

[BlackVelvet]

How did I miss this. Haye sheekada meel culus ey mareysa