Wedding We Went

[cheltenham lad]

It's 9:45 on a Monday morning. my head is ringing my body is aching, i can't find my trouser and my shirt isn’t ironed! Shit!! this what I call khat hangover. Even if i were to reverse the space-time I’d still be 45 minutes late for work. To make matters worse, ive already used all my sick days and holidays for the next two and a half decades.

I need an excuse -- and fast one.

Rolling into the work a full hour late, i tell my boss that my neighbour’s grandmother has kicked the bucket and i had to attend the funeral. All in all, a plausible excuse -- were it not for the fact that I have already used it three times this week.

“you have to sort it out young man or else you wount have a job” my boss tells me. Now this is the second time his said that. I got to make myself a cuppa before my mobile starts ringing; this is the best time I get to be in touch with the whole world.
At work I don’t do my job, I always do stuff that am meant to do at home for example am writing this and I haven’t gone to do the second external patrol.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Farahs and HalimosLet me introduce myself. My name is Faruq AKA hajji waswas , am in my late 20s, I live in Bristol city, obviously between St pauls and Easton. Been single all my life and I cant help it! Age is creeping on me and my hair is halfway down my head,. Subhanallah

Woriatha!
Last weekend I went to a wedding me and my mates, ok ok we gate crashed the private wedding. We being Somali we never require invitation cards. Luckily the bride and the bride groom didn’t require to budget for our evening meal. All we required was the Lunch baqthal salatul thuhur and if there was some khat being distributed,. Wed grab some mardhuf .

Jamac is and has always been my right hand man. ive never gone any where without him and so does he, lets put it this way “we are birds of the same feathers” actually ive got about three missed calls from him, ill ring him later.

Yes I was telling you about the wedding,
you know the council flats by the traffic lights at Easton? That’s were we have our fadiga inside a car, chew our khat till late hours with very clear view of the streets each and every dhiraq that passes bye is Inquired about, measured, weighed, carbon date and finaly given a mark out of ten or sometimes honked at, if shes extra bootylicius.

Anyways on that particular day we chewed as usual, except abdallah, one of my mates whose home I really visit except when I need to use the Toilet, you see when you chew khat it kick starts Defacation process. Mind you this is only when you start it, from there that’s it, shitting is the last thing you’ll do. It literally ties and twist your rectum for days, Never mind.

I have never used any of those marfish toilets, they are Dirty hazardous and chance of getting MRSA or Some form of Superbag in your ass if you seat on them are 99.99% I prefer to go MacDonald’s , KFC or beter doing it in an alley way than seating on those seats! Joking. Alleyway is for Kurdish guys.

want the rest email me @
paparazi81@hotmail.co.uk

[cheltenham lad]

shit happened.