Your theories of love and divorce....

[Mystic_Angel]

I heard people divorcing after 30 years in our community, it is sad indeed...

Are marriages just not "natural" for the somali society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most somali people within the western world marry out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion?

There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high in the somali community, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...


What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?

[grandpakhalif]

I believe the Somali community is going through a transition period and cannot really differentiate love with lust, the increasing amount of divorcees in our community is quite alarming and maybe has co-relation with unreasonable expectations. Certain xalimos wait to long to marry and then when its almost to late they rush into marriage with exceptionally low standards. I believe this can be fixed if the men and women alike are offered a program or communal service which allows them to meet in a islamic friendly enviroment.

The indian communities and other muslim communities have been more successful in marriage because they have loosened their restrictions and have created an atmosphere where the future grooms and wives feel comfortable together. On the contrary, in the Somali community men and women are not offered any xalaal exchange and have to resort to quickfix marriages or xaram get togethers. We have become like the Saudis who mixed culture into Islam and made it to difficult for young muslims to marry.

[sexy-kitten]

Sheeko, I've heard of a 40something year old married woman whose been cheating on her husband, what is this world coming to? I thought the whole point of "gudmo" was for the woman not to be lustful PERIOD let alone towards another man. I also thought this practice was popular among late 20s, 30s and above.

Being married for 30 years is a long time. What caused the divorce after 30 years? Does misunderstanding play a huge role? If so, what is there to misunderstand after 30 years of marriage?

[kadarre]

[quote="sexy-kitten"]Sheeko, I've heard of a 40something year old married woman [/quote]

The guy must have not been hitting her right. To the men who can satisfy more than 3 women .

Mystic its all about attraction. If the guy cant play the game his whole life and loses interest and vice versa. Things will crummble. Marriage is a commitment and if cant stay dedicated to the cause then dont enter it.

I really hope i can plant my feet one day insha allah.

[Lord Diplock]

Sheeko, I've heard of a 40something year old married woman whose been cheating on her husband, what is this world coming to? I thought the whole point of "gudmo" was for the woman not to be lustful PERIOD let alone towards another man. I also thought this practice was popular among late 20s, 30s and above.

Being married for 30 years is a long time. What caused the divorce after 30 years? Does misunderstanding play a huge role? If so, what is there to misunderstand after 30 years of marriage?

The whole idea of 'gudmo' working as deterrent against getting lustful is a red herring, they are less lustful (sorry about the x-rated language) than 'normal' ones, but they also have feelings you know ...He probably neglected her that is why she is cheating on him or she just likes this bloke she is cheating with. It is appalling behaviour nonetheless.

[Enlightened~Sista]

sexy kitten, you always come up with the most bizarre tales.

[Navy9]

I heard people divorcing after 30 years in our community, it is sad indeed...

Are marriages just not "natural" for the somali society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most somali people within the western world marry out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion?

There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high in the somali community, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...


What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?

Most of the people who are friends of either my mom or dad are married only very few are divorced so am not sure who are your sample data!!!

Anyhow, what is your definition of "love"?

[sexy-kitten]

Lol @ Kadare, some old hag in T.dot putting her gogarad up for another man isn't the way to go! Even if he wasn't hittin it right, she could've told him how she liked it instead of choosing that rout.

Lord, that's just sick Wallahi. There should be NO REASON to commit such an act no matter how old. Divorce is always an option if one is unsatisfied with his/her marriage. Akhas yo! That's disgusting!

Enlightened,

"Always?" you must be my #1 fan. Hop off yareey!Maybe that story hit home which is prolly why your blood is boiling. My shit is 100% accurate and I don't have a reason to lie so I suggest you change that bloody tampon and find yourself another person to follow around the forum cuz I don't have time for cat fights cadeey.

[Enlightened~Sista]

What class..

[sexy-kitten]

Says the one with no class.

[Enlightened~Sista]

Alas you are a product of your environment...I hope you don't talk like this in public.

Oh yeah, I have more class than you'll ever have.

[Navy9]

sexy kitten, you always come up with the most bizarre tales.

I thought at the beginning she meant someone who has been married for 40 years is maximizing her winter years be4 she hits the down under but when I read again she actually wrote someone who is 40 years old and hence unfortunately it does exist 40+ women who cheat!

[sexy-kitten]

Enlightened,

Oh mama, don't get it twisted. My "talk like this" tendencies makes me who I am today. I have a perfect job while you're still struggling making 2 dollars an hr talking shit. I probably look better than you, walk & talk with class, AND can whoop your ass in a heartbeat if opportunity presented itself.

Let's hope you're not a suugo smelling tennis shoes & skirt wearing undercover hoe when the moon's out.

[BlackVelvet]

Well apparently you can divorce someone you love. I've seen it happen, two people who realise that they've grown to want different things in life and instead of compromising each other they called it quits and go their separate ways.

Is marriage natural; is it an innate instinct to want to tie yourself, romantically, financially and socially to another human being for the rest of eternity...well we were allowed to divorce so I think that answers the question. We want to, we probably like the idea of it but perhaps more often than not fantasy is better than reality. So it might be natural for us to want marriage but unnaturally hard for us to stay married since we are accustomed to only thinking of ourselves and putting ourselves first whereas marriage means thinking about the pair and constantly accommodating the other.

[Berke]

What class..