Things to discuss before marriage

[OliveOil]

48 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

What do you agree with and what do you not agree with?

Fundamental, Core Values Issues (Most of these are Deal Breakers!)
1.What are your spiritual beliefs?
2.Are you committed to practicing what you believe?
3.How important are they to you?
4.Do you think marriage is for life?
5.Do you consider marriage a contract or a covenant?
6.Are you comfortable discussing everything? (sexual expectations, religious beliefs, money management, practical responsibilities, children)
7.When do you get angry?
8.If we have troubles in our relationship, are you willing to go to counseling with me?

Previous Relationships

9.Have you been in a serious relationship before?
10.Was it a sexual relationship?
11.What did you learn about yourself?
12.Discuss whether or not you think there is emotional baggage being brought in from other relationships.

Marriage Roles

13.When two people live together, one usually leads. Who will be the leader in our marriage?
14.What will this kind of leadership mean in the context of our marriage?

Finances

15.What are your past and present financial obligations?
16.How do you handle your money: are you a spender or saver?
17.How much will we earn together?
18.What are our financial goals?
19.How will we budget?
20.Who will do the record keeping?
21.How will we make financial decisions together?

Home

22.Where will we live?
23.Who cleans the house?
24.Who makes the meals?
25.Are you willing to negotiate household chores?

Sex (Answers here are Deal Breakers!)

26.What are your expectations about sex?
27.Are you willing to read books together that will help to prepare us
28.Have you ever had sex? (If yes, other issues--emotional and health-related--are now vital to talk about!)
29.Are you willing to take pre marriage counseling with me?

Family

30.What do our parents think about our plans for marriage?
31.How will we relate with our parents?
32.What will be the frequency of visiting or socializing?
33.How can we protect our new relationship, while still honouring our parents?

Children

34.What do you think about having children?
35.When?
36.How many?
37.What were your personal “growing up” experiences like?
38.Do you think you’ve seen good parenting modeling?

Conflict

39.How well do we handle conflict? (Take a personality test online: it will help asses your tendencies in this area.)
40.How will we make decisions when we disagree?
41.Does conflict make you angry? (This may be a Deal Breaker!)

Full Disclosure (These answers speak to identity issues. Some of these issues are Deal Breakers!)

42.Is there anything about your past that I don’t know, but should be aware of?
43.If you could change one thing (anything!) about me, what would it be?
44.Do you view pornography?
45.What are you NOT willing to give up for our marriage?
46.Can you identify inner fears about our future relationship?
47.Describe yourself to me.
48.Can you talk openly about everything?

[GENERAL_SNM]

WTF if a chick came to me with that list, I would tell her to hit the road and so would the next bother. In the end she would be left on the market aged 38.
Let me help you...

1, Does he smoke,chew,drink?
2, Does he work/had education?
3,Does he pray?

These are the 3 fundemantals everything else can be worked on.

[OliveOil]

Man you think its that simple!!! It ain't....if a guy came up to me with "I want to have 10 children" I would simply walk the opposite direction. Of course, the things that you have mention are very important but then there are alot of other stuff that r important too u know!! Another example is, what if he is a sexaholic? Or just waits for her until she comes home from a 9-5 job just to make dinner for him....while he is just wactching tv? She is a human u know!!

[Executive]

WTF

are you trying to put ppl off from getting married, all these questions are wrong.

[GENERAL_SNM]

Most Somali men who dont have a bad habit are sexaholic its their habit. .This is positive news go read some of the papers and you will see what kind of benefit this is compared to the opositte.
You see if a man doesnt smoke/drink or chew qat. He has self control and time. Now this time has to be directed at something if this is not happening it will only require a small push. If he has job and works you will just push him to the direction that fits you and if his educated it wont be hard to sale him your plans.
If he pray's and is a good fearing brother then you will be treated like a queen and in some relationships this is key to them lasting.
No your problem is your approaching marriage like a done canvas and you only have to pick the right one. When in reality marraige is an empty canvas and its the couples job to fill in th blanks.


Btw, I should charge you for this knowledge I'm dropping.

[DisplacedDiraac]

If you're going to ask him all them questions, he aint marriage material walaal.

You only need to ask him ONE question!
Just observe him!

[Nabeela]

Like someone else said, if you need to ask these questions, than the person is not a marriage material period.

[barakaboy10]

oliveoil, you need some pre-marriage counseling. what you talking about??? the leader of the house will always be the husband, of course. stop dreaming and just be like our beautiful som. sitas who abide by our rules. of course, there are questions you need to ask before the marriage. and the most important one being the deen and akhlaaq (manners) of the potential spouse. naagaha anagaa qabno iyaga nama qabaan, magaratey huuno!

[BlackVelvet]

49. What's your opinion on polygamy

I'm with Oliveoil on this one. You have to ask questions; the right questions in the right way, otherwise he/she will just tell you what you want to hear. Behaviour is a good indicator but there are things you will never know unless you ask.

Bullshit about someone just praying and not chewing to be a good candidate, since when did standards get that low?

[samadoon-waaxid]

oliveoil, u ask all these 48 tough questions to every guy that knocks on ur door, and I ll guarantee u ,u will b single for life.

[OliveOil]

Ba'aa...are you guys okay??? The person will do everything in their power to look really good in front of ur eyes


Waala arki doona if I get married or not...inshAllah Allah og....laakiin I have full confidence

BV, thnx macaanto for aggreeing with me....I guess these little ones don't see what we see

[ciyaal_warta]

too many questions

[Rabshoole]

Man you think its that simple!!! It ain't....if a guy came up to me with "I want to have 10 children" I would simply walk the opposite direction. Of course, the things that you have mention are very important but then there are alot of other stuff that r important too u know!! Another example is, what if he is a sexaholic? Or just waits for her until she comes home from a 9-5 job just to make dinner for him....while he is just wactching tv? She is a human u know!!

All that should've been noticed before you marry someone. They say you don't know someone unless you live with me, and marriage should be talked about after you got thru the whole getting to know phase.

[Cirwaaq]

Deal maker When you look for a man who fears allah and observes his diin 100%.

- He is the head of his household
- He is the sole bread winner
- Prepare to say allahmdullillah to as many children as allah grants
- Prepare for him to have other wife/s if you are unable to satisfy his needs be it the number of children of the his sex drive.
- Don't dictate to him how he needs to manage his social life that is the job of islam


P.s remember men have the ultimate bonus lifeline of getting the IDEAL wife. Women don't have such backup options

Say alhamdullilah if you find a husband at all but in all honesty you have little to bargain with.

[Paddington Bear]

The effort that went into writing all that nonsense is breathtaking. Women!