SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED..........

[haniDD]

For a young lady who wants to leave her husband.

EVERYONE, What would do if your husband was being JUST HORRIBLE? And he refuse to divorce u. Or be there for u and the kids.
Just lies about everything and when u try to sort things out he says ok. But never fullfills his promises. What what u do?

PLUS, Your family doesnt know and they think he is great guy.

How u go about divorcing him?
or would u just wait until he comes bk and take responsibilities?

And how long would U wait until u tell his family and urs. Even though u know they wouldnt be able to do anything about it.

[haxxor]

Discuss about it first.

[haniDD]

Haxxor, thanks for the reply. Done the discussion thing. hasnt work.
He is not conversationanlist. he would just say divorce is not option.

But what i want to know is how should the woman go through with divorce and stay strong.

[BlackVelvet]

Divorce shouldn't be something to rush towards, try everything else first. Maybe try to understand exactly what the problem is; what does he lie about, in what way is he not there for the kids, is it financially, emotionally...? Try to understand where he's coming from and why he is how he is then try to find a solution that would work for you both and how you can help each other get there.

[haniDD]

Blackvelvet, thanks hani..................but tryed everthing. talking to him nicely..............trying to understand him ..........
The kids ...............his old son nearly three and they had great relationship but the last five months been really hard for all of us. we hardly see him or talk to him. if they are ill never call to see how they are.
so bassically its non existing relationship. my marriage is a lie. so all i want is out. but he wont let me.
But if i tell his family they dont have power over him. he wouldnt listen to them. And i am serious at the sametime to tell my family cos they will just tell to wait.
And i dont share my personal like problems with my friends.i feel they wil just judge and look down on me.

i just want honest answer from him cos i feel like he is punising me and he doesnt care about us at all.
Therefore, i need very strong encouragement to move forward instead of standing still. Waiting for him to make discision. its just not fair.

[BlackVelvet]

5 months of bad times vs. at least 3 years of marriage? Don't give up just yet, your son needs a father. Unless he's being abusive or unfaithful?

[burhaan2010]

listen to ur husband n bee raaliyo walaal. u dont want to be another depressed garoob

[haniDD]

BLACKVELEVT............thanks again
but we been married for nearly fours and we have two boys, one is 2 and 7months and the youngest is just 6 months. so he hardly seen the baby and i am doing this all on my own. no help from no one. and he knows it.


so guys please .................tell me anything than........... try to make it work ..........cos i have tryed but its not fair................. cos he is not trying.....
if i didnt believe in Allah.............i would kill him seriously.

[Leila25]

Why is getting a divorce important to you now? He is not in your life or the kids and you say you are doing almost everything, so obtaining a divorce would not make a significant difference to your life. Five months is a short time, write him a letter next time he drops by explaining everything you feel. If you are adamant about it, get your family involved and it shouldnt be too hard to get him to divorce.

[haniDD]

thanks leila25 for you input.

Getting divorce is important for because it will give my closure, therefore i can move on with my life.instead of just waiting for him.

secondly, my family wouldnt help me out. cos they are against divorce unless he is beating u black and blue.

So i want to do this on my own and get the divorce paper on my own and tel them after wards.
but i dont know how to go on about that. that is why am asking u guys for help.

[BlackVelvet]

Take into account the fact that you've just had a baby and your hormones are all over the place so it might not be advisable to make life changing decisions just yet. Pregnancy and labour are stressful enough without having to look after a newborn and co. on your own. You probably need a break, I'd leave him a note and go for a week long holiday. He can find out first hand how hard it is to look after a 2 year old and a new born and you can get some rejuvenation time. If that doesn't make him see sense, divorce is not an impossibility though you shouldn't go behind his back to get it. You'll be tied to this person for the rest of your life because of the children. If it has to end it might as well me in reasonably good terms.

[Leila25]

BV- No sane mother would leave her children to be looked after by a man who comes across as irresponsible. I dont think he can look after them well given that they are still toddlers.

What was your marriage like at the beginning? If you insist on your decision and kick up a big fuss, you can get your family on your side and they will put pressure on his family or go to the mosque and speak to the Imam.

[BlackVelvet]

his old son nearly three and they had great relationship

That shows that he's not irresponsible enough to not leave kids with. lol if he is, no sane woman would be married to such a man right?

[burhaan2010]

hani

walaal dont listen to girils like leila n blackvelvet, one is a jarir lover the othar is a a gumeeys and thy dont know anythig about marrige. marrige is hardwork n waxaa loo bahanyahay samir. u dont want to be singal mothar. marka, ninkaaga la hadal n make it work.

[SultanOrder]

Why is he against divorce? Is it the shame that it will bring him, that he wasn't man enough to keep a successful marriage, is it a personal vendetta against you, or does he just not want to let you go yet? And I don't understand how he is not there most of the time, does he not live with you guys or does he job force him away from the house much of the time?

First I would get him to see a doctor and check his health and his hormonal levels. Believe it or not men do suffer from hormonal problems, especially if they are low in testosterone. Men with low testosterone are very irritable, have greater degrees of anger, more confusion, deeper depression, and greater fatigue. And they can make any life around them a living hell. So check this out, because chances are the problem isn't with you.

I would also suggest for you to go and seek mediation from trusted close family members, and let them understand the seriousness of the situation. If he is afraid of ceeb of divorce, this will bring some sense into him, because this won't be your guys little secret anymore. If your afraid of ceeb of having other people know your business, then what is the point of claiming that you 'tried', because in honesty you have to exhaust all your resources for the sake of your children, there was a reason you married him.

If he has other reasons for not wanting your divorce then he can't force you into an unhappy marriage, and you can get a divorce irrespective of his decision. He needs to know that there is a chance his kids will grow up to see another man as their dad. Again why he doesn't live you?

At the end of the day, these things happen, and their is no shame when two people can't come together for a multiple of reasons and varying factors. Divorced is allowed, but there is nothing more hateful to Allah that he has made halal than divorce. And if you think 'hiding' your problems and not letting others know, well everyone will know, and they will say "she was hiding it this whole time, poor girl, was too embarrassed to tell anyone."