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The jury is in, Nurture trumps Nature.

Judging from the responses on the poll* men and women are more likely to take part in a polygamous relationship if their father was in a polygamous relationship and similarly men and women are more likely to go for monogamous relationships if their parents were monogamous.

* viewtopic.php?f=18&t=271816

70% of the voters said they would or have already done as their parents did while only 30% would do the opposite. So it is true, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

However the default rate in both camps is significant with the ones from a monogamous background turning polygamous being 2 points higher than their counterparts. So don't count your chickens before they hatch. Nevertheless, if your preference lies in a monogamous relationship, your chances at achieving this are higher with a spouse whose father was monogamous.

- It would be interesting to separate the male votes from the female votes so as to pick up a more meaningful correlation between fathers and sons as opposed to fathers and children.

lol what a funny conclusion you came out there.

we're somalis, if not your father id not polygamous, you grandfather(s) . so wahba mesha kuma heysid adeer.

Interesting, I think one is enough for me though.

BV, are you in love with a married man? Forget all this research, darling. Trust your instincts. My phone number is 079358362...

hyperactive wrote:lol what a funny conclusion you came out there.

we're somalis, if not your father id not polygamous, you grandfather(s) . so wahba mesha kuma heysid adeer.

Polygamy was almost a part of our culture in the past. During our grandfathers' time most men with the means took on more than one wife. Lakin what made some of our fathers become monogamous when their fathers had been polygamous? It would be interesting to compare the socio-economic influences of fathers and sons. For example, how many men raised in polygamous households who then moved to Xamar, and to other cosmopolitan cities around the world when they became adults, went on to marry more than 1 wife? Are men who have educated or working wives more of less likely to become polygamous? Because I can assume that though most of our grandfathers might have had more than one wife, most of our grandmothers were not very well educated, and no matter how rich or poor their families were, they themselves and had almost zero independent earning power.

you raised interesting point regarding education and financial state of both men and women in relationship. also i liked when you compared the reer miyi and when they move to big , diverse city like mogadishu.

i tell you some thing, men always will look out women whather married or not, only the differences is one cheats while other just comes out and marries cause he doesnt care consequences or it's his favor and he can get away with it.

where cheating and having illegal relationship is not acceptable socially or legally , people happen to have more than one wife.

these days financial state limits men to marry but guess what cheating is easy for them. marka you choose you battle carefully.

Hyper are you saying that it is impossible for a man to be monogamous? He will either marry again or cheat?

Paddington Bear wrote:BV, are you in love with a married man? Forget all this research, darling. Trust your instincts. My phone number is 079358362...

What part of you do you think your wife would extirpate first were you to do such a thing?

BlackVelvet wrote:Hyper are you saying that it is impossible for a man to be monogamous? He will either marry again or cheat?

at least a huge percentages of us will be in that two categories.

but what is interesting is why you exclude woman's share of it. illeen ninku isaga is goorsan mahaye? have you thought why woman want to go after a married man or even accept his propose?

my self inshallah i would never do zina, however if i liked some one other than my wife, i would send her some one if she wants to marry me, hadey maya tiraahdo, hadee haweeneydeyda ban ko so noqon.

the argue can be there, but it depends whether if you can find that woman to accept it.

You are right, there is the question of the women themselves accepting proposals from married men or even the ones who run after married men. Some people just like having what is already taken, like when your younger sibling wants the present that you got even though they were given their own present, dad ayaa jiro that never grow out of that personality. Then again there are the gold diggers who want to marry rich men even if those men are already married. Thirdly there's the it's-not-my-problem crew, it's halal, I want him, he wants me (a strong compliment which can make the woman lose all empathy for wife number 1), and so they just marry the man while using half their mind to hold on to the "it's halal mantra" while using the other half on concentrating on ignoring the home-wrecker guilt. Normally these women just want a better life, either the clock has started to tick too loudly, or the man is their idea of the "perfect man" or they've decided he's as perfect as they're going to get, so why not?

That's how I understand the women who say yes.

Hyper the example you've given about if you see a woman you liked while you were married. You've said that if she says no, you will go back to your wife right? So you won't rape her? Or abduct her? You can control yourself?

So why ask in the first place?

i ask cause when you really like some one, either physically or intellectual or even their background/family wise and you dont want to pass that chance. you try your luck as respectful you can. if she says no is just not end of the world.
as human men or women we tend to be selfish , different people in different degree, we want every thing we think is good and makes us feel good. some people think of moral part or legal (here islamicly)part or both.

what i wanted to say was : i m not waking up one day and say "i want to marry, naag ha la e radiyo" it's not like that. you just meet some one that really you thing you met them before you married and just happens, if she accepts.

when you really like some one, either physically or intellectual or even their background/family wise and you dont want to pass that chance you try your luck

That is very honest and I think it's true for most people.

That said I wonder how many women who found themselves in that situation went on to cheat. It is harder to catch women when they do.

BlackVelvet wrote:

when you really like some one, either physically or intellectual or even their background/family wise and you dont want to pass that chance you try your luck

That is very honest and I think it's true for most people.

That said I wonder how many women who found themselves in that situation went on to cheat. It is harder to catch women when they do.

I doubt any woman would do that no matter how much she want to...you cant control ur heart but sure you can control ur actions.

HELWAA wrote:

BlackVelvet wrote:

when you really like some one, either physically or intellectual or even their background/family wise and you dont want to pass that chance you try your luck

That is very honest and I think it's true for most people.

That said I wonder how many women who found themselves in that situation went on to cheat. It is harder to catch women when they do.

I doubt any woman would do that no matter how much she want to...you cant control ur heart but sure you can control ur actions.

Edit: You are right, as adults we should all be able to control our actions. Men just as much as women.

Obviously polygamy postives must out weigh negative since its halal.

BlackVelvet wrote:
So women can control their actions but men can't?

I think knowing that they can have 4 wives give them the green light.But we, the only option we have is leaving the marriage.Beside women get more emotionally involved then men...i doubt if any woman cross that line that she could ever go back to her husband like nothing happend.But for men it's just pure LUST.