All my ladies Independent...

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

Get yourselves someone, there is no fun in being Independent.

[SultanOrder]

Your mom's solution to everything?

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

Mate you are too late, I have a midnight rendezvous and I have yet to pray Isha, but I'll still tell you what happened last night. So, I could've sworn my mum is a die-hard men supporter, but last night I spotted some feminist streaks. She was telling me this lady and man who were parting away, and so he must have said to his lady wife, 'Maa ka joogti, adiga baa waa ogtahay intaa ee bahantahay' The Cheek of the guy, my mum then said if I was her I'd say, 'Anaa ku tuuseey hada ku baahanhay, hada baa waa ku buureey,' And she is proper like getting in the role, with her face showing hostility. Marka, ladies eh, so unpredictable.

Independence is boring, it is a form of solitary confinement. Macsalaam.

[SultanOrder]

Yeah, I learned long ago never to dare women, you guys are the most ruthless of creatures. Even a joke said the wrong way can set you up, and once something comes into your head god forbid the whole world coming together can't dissuade you from it. Thats why I don't dare dare the meanest of the womenfolk, you guys are best gentle.

But I hear ya, theres nothing perfect, if you single you desire to be with someone, and when your with someone there will be times you desire to be single. Ya Latif

[eyes-only]

So you're advocating being dependent on someone?

[SultanOrder]

So you're advocating being dependent on someone?

you say that as if there is something inherently wrong with that. Every relationship is related to each other in dependence one way or another. When you go to work, you are dependent on the the job being there, the pay out of it, or experience/skills, or a thing to do, and they are dependent on you doing your work, being there, benefiting from your skill/experience. A mother/child relationship is dependent on the mother being effecting, loving, providing needs, and the mother is dependent on the child listening, growing up well, and fulfilling her natural desires of motherhood, etc. And finally to my last point a husband and a wife are dependent on the other, for many many many reasons, whether it is physical, emotional, cultural, idealogical, and financial needs. If a woman wants to be a stay at home mother she needs someone to covering her material needs, and if a man wants to fulfill his physical needs he needs a woman etc.

So there is nothing wrong with dependence, your whole life you have been dependent on a person, persons, or institutions. And it's kinda sad that your first reaction is a negative one, could it be that you have some bad baggage? I hope not. Dependence is a beautiful thing when it benefits all parties. And I'm sure WSM is only talking about the best way possible.

P.S. she was most likely using it as being "single" lol

[BlackVelvet]

PO you've explained co-dependence. Eyes asked about dependence.

Warsan kuma fahmin, what kind of independence is bad?

[SultanOrder]

BV I was just being over the top about the whole dependence thing, saying there is no such thing as any independence illah'billah.

Even a psycho who locks up someone in a dungeon is dependent on something his getting from that act.

[BlackVelvet]

I never thought I would hear someone say independence was a bad thing so I'm a bit confused.

Like you said no one is a 100% independent because it's impossible, even if you live in the middle of a forest on your own; you just become dependent on the trees and the animals instead of humans. So the co-dependence aspect aside being independent with the things you can be becomes a blessing I would have thought.

[SultanOrder]

You know it would be funny if she just comes out of nowhere and says "did I say independent... oh I meant single"

Yeah I get where your coming from bv. For example if you are married and you guys don't have any children, that you still retain your career, goals, friends, hobbies, and personal life. I agree with you, hell if she is lazy I would push her to go work and buy her own things. If she wants to make her only friend, I'd find friends for her

[BlackVelvet]

lool@ when you don't have children you should "retain your career, goals, friends, hobbies, and personal life". Which means children are the end of your personal life, goals, friends and hobbies forget the career I don't even mean that as a joke or an argument, it's just a fact you probably become a completely different person who doesn't even mind.

[SultanOrder]

I wouldn't say end, but it has an effect. It really depends on the person, if the girl only see's career/work as a before and after motherhood then yeah she stops, if she see's it as something she wants to always do than she will figure out how to manage things. Children don't mean the end, but you need a lot of support from the husband and family if you want to leave your kids in a safe environment while your gone. My mom use to travel to the middle east, use to work in an office, use to do many things in Somalia but she always had someone close to leave me behind with.
Personally, I want to marry someone whose number one priority is our children, thats not negotiable for me, but at the same time I want someone who is very active in the community islamic/somali, who puts together functions, helps out emotionally, a strong woman with a big heart. Honestly, a career minded woman is doesn't hit the spot for me. For the kind of woman I want, I will be her arm and legs with whatever she wants to do.

[BlackVelvet]

Yeah it's all about the support system but sadly living in the west is not like Somalia.

Your ideal is slowly but surely becoming more realistic, the sugar mama thing was probably not gonna fly

[SultanOrder]

Life is unexpected, crazier things have been seen to fly

[haniDD]

Yeah it's all about the support system but sadly living in the west is not like Somalia.

Your ideal is slowly but surely becoming more realistic, the sugar mama thing was probably not gonna fly

Not necessarily, I have seen well education young women who live in the west with good jobs that are willing to stay at home to bring up their children as long as they find a man who can support them financially. At the same time very religions.

So PO, dont give up u will find ur perfect woman just as long as u can provide for her and meet her needs.

p.s. i really dont understand why We as WOMEN are giving MEN the idea that we dont have same qualities and values of the sister bk home.
Then they complain why are men going bk home to get marry.