What would you do if a guy asked you this..

[Adali]

lets say the guy has been dating you for more than a couple of months, and he is a great guy with a great job and pretty smart, he is the kind of man who you want to marry, so you have been waiting for him to pop the questions. One day he ask you if you want to get a Meher(marriage contract) and move into his flat with him, he tells you he is not ready to have wedding party but he also does not want to delay being with you. would you agree to this.

[Beans]

The hipsteress in me would be able to agree to that but no,cant do that to my family.They deserve a decent night of introduction.

If money is his issue,we could save together for it.

[Lillaahiya]

This sounds like he just wants to smash. If he doesn't want to throw a wedding, that's understandable, but wtf is the point of living with each other for x amount of years then having a xaflad?

[Saraxnow]

The Walima/wedding party is necessary in that you have to *publicise* the marriage so that *everybody* is aware that this is halaal and you're both married. It's so ceeb for spouses to move in quietly together like that, ceeb.

At least something small like lunch invites at a house, just to make sure people know that these two people are together in halaality, and it's also more dignifying for the sister.

[Adali]

^^i get what your saying but is that relevant in the western world though ?? many of us don't have Somali or even Muslim neighbors so unless we flying in Qaraabo from other cities i don't see the relevancy of having that part of the ceremony carried out. I understand the reason for this ritual, which is to rule out speculation by making it clear the couple are married, but in a non-muslim western society your colleagues, your classmates, most of your acquaintances will not be muslim, infact the only muslim people would be a few friends and family.

[Somaliman50]

^waliimada ajar bey leedahay, oo ma ajarkaas aadan rabin

[Saraxnow]

Adali, I assure you most Somalis live around each other and if they happen to live in a remote place then having the walima means you will usually invite those from afar as well Wouldn't they travel to your wedding?I think most families would. It is also part of sharing the happiness with everyone.

It doesn't have to be big but even inviting your close family members to your house with some food is something,this is what one relative did of mine did.Very simple.

[Adali]

isn't this done after the wedding though ? i have never experienced a couple who had their meher and wedding far apart, my family usually have a wedding within a week of the Meher and then move in with their spouse the night of the wedding, its after that people visit them one by one.

Adali, I assure you most Somalis live around each other and if they happen to live in a remote place then having the walima means you will usually invite those from afar as well Wouldn't they travel to your wedding?I think most families would. It is also part of sharing the happiness with everyone.

It doesn't have to be big but even inviting your close family members to your house with some food is something,this is what one relative did of mine did.Very simple.

Yes that is what i had in mind.

[Saraxnow]

Yes mostly walima comes soon after the meher.There are those that have it later though but before moving in.

[BlackVelvet]

Wow that would be the end of that relationship.

[salool]

lets say the guy has been dating you for more than a couple of months, and he is a great guy with a great job and pretty smart, he is the kind of man who you want to marry, so you have been waiting for him to pop the questions. One day he ask you if you want to get a Meher(marriage contract) and move into his flat with him, he tells you he is not ready to have wedding party but he also does not want to delay being with you. would you agree to this.

That would be my reaction.

[Adali]

salool

women are always difficult, even the most hardcore feminist or islamist ones want to have a big wedding party and be a princes.

[BlackVelvet]

salool

women are always difficult, even the most hardcore feminist or islamist ones want to have a big wedding party and be a princes.

No one said anything about a big party lakin let's sign a paper and shack up at my place? Who talks like that? Unless of course you have absolutely no respect for the person.

[zulaika]

some females might fall for that and are content with a secret randevu....hablo badan baa "i love u" kaliya lagu kaxeystey

[Beans]

salool

women are always difficult, even the most hardcore feminist or islamist ones want to have a big wedding party and be a princes.

No one said anything about a big party lakin let's sign a paper and shack up at my place? Who talks like that? Unless of course you have absolutely no respect for the person.

Absolutely agree.

Rather have a cheapso get together for family and friends than simply moving in with him.If we r that broke,it could be as little as ramen noodle cup for all or at a Friday prayer at the masjid.