SomaliNet Forums

waan idhin salaamay

Dont judge me yet but listen to me

Im in my early 30s, married with child and another on the way. my problem is my wife's attitude. my wife thinks she's always right and im always wrong. Everytime we've little argument, she threatens me to leave. i ignore it cause as a man, i've responsibilities. Im very soft for my wife, i help her with the house, take care of baby when i come home from work and give her time off in weekend. all i want in return's respect, appreciation and compassion

but my wife when she gets angry, she turns in to a new person. evil person, she ignores me for days, doesnt cook for me, nothing. its always I that comes to her and apologize even when she's wrong. she never apologizes first.

i like peaceful home, and no arguments. men and women are created for each other and they need to respect each other. women need to know that the man is the leader of the family but my wife doesnt see me as one. she rather tells her family that we have problems and its mine fault than find solution for the problem and i swear to God most of the problems are mini problems but she makes it big.

i care for my family and do everything for them, i pay everything, but instead i get disrespect. you'll not believe the number of times i said sorry for things i didn't do. if I ignore her it gets worse if i dont ignore him it still gets worse. i tell my wife, if outside people know our problems, we'll be the clowns. lets find a solution for everything but we can't go for weeks without arguments or disrespect or violence.

now she is pregnant and i swear to God its 1000 times worse than when she wasn't. now she gets physical, calles me names and sleeps on couch. doesnt do anything and act like i dont exist. blames for things that no human can be blamed for. and sometimes i wonder, did she take my softness as weakness?

i'd never have thought i'd deal with this if i got married. but my love for this woman has disappeared. she doesn't deserve me and i can't handel this stuff anymore. i love my children but somalis say silic ku nool soddon guursataa dhaanta. i really can't live my life like this. i would do anything for children but i hate broken homes. i want my children to grow up in stable peaceful happy loving homes. but im 100% thats not going to happen.

if i divorce her when she's pregnant, i will get the blame and i dont want that. no one knows what this woman does to me and disrespect she shows but Somalis only look at "oh he divorced her while she's pregnant, what a bad guy". i do things for her that most Somali men would say "why would you do that, thats her job". but i dont care as im soft for my family.

what shall i do. Please answer with respect and sensitivty.

I'm going to assume you are not trolling........

Was she like this before you married her?

How old is your wife my nigga? If shes young she still has hope. If shes past 30 then I advise you make your peace and leave because it doesnt look like she will change.

Brother I advise you to do Istighfar

There's a story of a man that was coming home from a long day of work. He was stressed and exhausted only to come home to his angry wife. As soon as he entered the house, the wife demanded a divorce. He argued with her and tried to convince her otherwise, but she was persistent and could not be budged. So the man went to the masjid and prayed his salah of the time and then sat in the masjid for an hour doing istighfar. After the hour passed he returned home to a wife that had calmed down. She approached him this time and said she didn't want a divorce and that she had come to her senses. The man then asked his wife for how long has she been like this? She replied for 1 hour. Subhanallah, that is the power of Istighfar.

So brother, Ill adive you to get a book that contains istighfar duas and pray to Allah that your wife attitude and behaviour changes for the better. Inshallah it will.

Here is another story of Istighfar


This story about “Istighfar” is from the life of Imam Ahmed Bin Hanbal, who is considered as a renowned scholar of Islam and a famous theologian. Imam Ahmed is also considered to be the founder of the Hanbali school of fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) and is one of the most celebrated Sunni theologians, often referred to as the "Sheikh ul-Islam" or the "Imam of Ahl al-Sunnah."

During his old age, while Imam Ahmed was travelling he stopped by a town. After the prayers, he wanted to stay for the night in the masjid yard because he didn’t know anyone in the town. Owing to his humility, he hadn’t introduced himself to anyone thinking that if he did, he would be welcomed by many people.

Failing to recognize Ahmed bin Hanbal, the caretaker of the mosque refused to let him stay in the mosque. As Imam Ahmed was quite old, the caretaker had to drag him out of the mosque. On seeing this, a baker from a nearby place felt pity for this man (Imam Ahmed) and offered to be the host to him for the night. During his stay with the baker, Imam Ahmed observed that the baker would constantly recite Istighfar (seek forgiveness from Allah). Imam Ahmed asked the baker if the constant practice of saying Istighfar had any effect on him. The baker responded by telling Imam Ahmed that Allah had accepted all of his duas (supplications), except one. When he asked him what dua was it that hadn’t been accepted, the baker replied that he had been asking Allah to provide him the privilege to meet the famous scholar Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal.

On this, Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal said that Allah had not only listened to his dua but had dragged him onto his (the baker’s) doorsteps. [Summarized from Al Jumuah magazine, vol 19, issue 7]

This story is a reminder of the power of saying Istighfar (seeking forgiveness) frequently. Let’s remember that the prophet used to say Istighfar frequently during the day. Tafseer Al-Qurtubi states:

A man complained to Al-Hasan about a drought, and he said to him: “Pray to Allah for forgiveness.”

Another man complained to him of poverty and he said to him: “Pray to Allah to forgive you.”

Another man said to him: “Pray to Allah to bless me with a child.” He said: “Pray to Allah for forgiveness.”

Another complained to him that his garden was dry. He said to him: “Pray to Allah for forgiveness.”


He was asked about it and he said: “This is not my personal opinion, for Allah says in Surah Nooh (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Ask forgiveness from your Lord, verily, He is Oft Forgiving; He will send rain to you in abundance. And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers.” Tafseer Al-Qurtubi (18/301-302)

One of the narrators of a Hadith was asked about the manner in which forgiveness is to be sought, to which he answered: "The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) used to say: ‘Astaghfirullah! Astaghfirullah! (I beseech Allah for forgiveness, I beseech Allah for forgiveness)’.” [Sahih Muslim].

Somalifanatic wrote:How old is your wife my nigga? If shes young she still has hope. If shes past 30 then I advise you make your peace and leave because it doesnt look like she will change.

You should never advise spouses to leave each other. Instead they should ask Allah for assistance through making lots of dua.

dbl post

SelfDiscovery wrote:dbl post

Nabi Ibrahim told his son Ismaaciil to leave his first wife because she wasnt good for him. If a woman is giving a man hell, I will advise him any day to leave her and vice versa.

I am married with 3 children, even though I do not see my daughter as often I would like but I have 2 step son. My wife is the best, she is Somali after all, before that I was with Cadaan bitch .



What I would suggest is that you dominate her sexually, let her have the whip during day, markaa adi waxaa tahey Clark Kent, if she scream and do balaayo do not say shooq, just keep quiet. When night come, you become Superman. That is when you handle business. Then after dominating her almost every night, you will move on to dominate her on the day. You ignore when she act like she right, give her minimal space, be friendly when she act the way you want her to act but as soon as she become qoomayo, you become ignoring and a little hostile attitude. Eventually she will become good wife. If my suggestion do not work I say these because I am your Somali brother, leave her but be there for your children.

No..... its advisable to divorce a woman if she is no good.

Just divorce her if you dont love her. besides it is rule number one if you cant get along with her dont wait till she got kids, the earlier u let her go the better.

You cant divorce a pregnant woman.

Turtaba ma xiisihi ba dhamaadey subxanallah.

salool wrote:You cant divorce a pregnant woman.

Turtaba ma xiisihi ba dhamaadey subxanallah.

why not? he can besides this is the second child so it is not about xiiso. what is more naag xun hadii cunuga koobaad kula dhaafto adiga ayaa danbiga leh.

Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala advises in His Book: “And if you fear a split between the two of them, then appoint an arbiter from his relatives and an arbiter from her relatives. If they desire reconcilement Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” (4:35)

Have you told her all of this? Sometimes it is good to remind people not to take you for granted. Tell her all this and see if she changes, tell her you are trying but she isnt. If she isnt willing to work it out then divorce may be your only option.