Modest proposals

[Lamagoodle]

Sidee la yahay?

You are not alone if you have been asked or asked yourself the question” why is Somalia in shambles?”.

When we are talking to non-Somalis about our people, fauna and country, we often narrate nostalgic accounts of a once proud nation that evoked fears in its neighbours. We are also quick to describe ourselves as a unique breed of Africans that share one common religion, language and ethnicity.

We are always crying the existence of a beloved country, flora and people that only exist in the history they created, on websites we created and on chat logs we run.

We live in the past and do not dwell on the present or the future. We are a nation and a people that that feed on nostalgia rather than the facts on the ground.

Outside our bubble, others will probably term Somalia as a pariah nation; a failed nation, ungovernable nation etc.

The global community is experiencing lethargy and it wouldn’t come as a surprise if they device a “Somali solution” -reminiscent of the third Reich- to wipe out our genes so that we do not pass them on.

In the diaspora, we are viewed as primitive parasites who are not adopted to modernity. We are a good illustrative case of social Darwinism ( Hubert Spencer will be turning in his grave and yelling; I told you !)

We are moronic people at home. Killing, marauding, raping, lying etc are viewed as virtuous.

Soon the Somali name will be in the dictionary, not as a country, people, cat but synonymous with “a failed nation” “ruled and domiciled by morons” “cheats” “ parasites” “ hypocrisy” etc

Nouns and verb will be included in the Webster which will define “Somali” as “pest” and “contaminated “ people that exist in the horn of Africa.

We could feed ourselves cool aid and claim that we have this and that but Prozac consumption aside, our nation and our people are doomed.

If you have recently been to Somalia or the Lalalalands and venture beyond the “feel good” baloney, the flag waving, singing “waay duushay” garbage prevalent among somalis, you will notice that we are not more than a bunch of camel herders who believe that nationhood/statehood is about milking state coffers.

We view a government or state office as the penultimate career!

No wonder all of us want to become presidents, ministers, etc.

We are, as your correspondent wrote on several occasions a nation/a people that loves the superficial. We are more concerned with dresses, photographs, and images of ourselves, our people, village, country than what reality ascertains.

In Somalia, we talk about an emerging nation when mothers, sisters, nieces and other relatives are raped, when moryaans call themselves generals, colonel setc; when ministers are more concerned about their own image than that of country and kin. They look to be horny men on a dating mission. Naagaha siyaasinta iskaba daa; they portray an image of; wax ii nuuriyo aan doonayaa

The Lalalands are the same; morons, clan warriors, illiterates and mental retards call themselves presidents, ministers etc.

We are a nation and a people that denounce the pleasures of human temptations such as a bloody Mary shot , sexual interactions and the occasional deviation from the path of Islam. At the same time, we view qaad chewing, murders (on these boards your eyes are constantly exposed to people invoking Maasha Allah when thugs, moryaans, maamul beeled murder women, children and the destitute).

We are so morally decayed that we are concerned about the cloths we wear than what is underneath them.

Inspired by Jonathan Swift’s “ Modest proposal” I propose the following:
a)Let us partition Somalia. Let every tribe has its own president. Inevitably every clan of the tribe will want to create its own Lalaland, and every sub-clan will want to secede and create its own. There will be a never-ending vicious cycle that will not stop until each individual has his/her own land.

b)Let us ask the Qaad growing nations to bolster the potency of the qaad leaves by crossbreeding them with opium. Granted we shall get value for money.

c)Let us make Wahabism the official religion. In order for this to function, we erect large TV screens that show pornographic movies to keep the horny wahabi zealots busy.

d)Let us change our male names to Abuu-G-weyne, Abuu Nuuris, Abuu Kacsi, Abuu leef etc to make our wahabi zealots happy and make us feel good

e) Our female names to Umu-sha...muto, Umu-qax..a, Umu-nuuris doon etc

Do you have some Modest proposals of your own?

[abuu_dujaana]

10/10 for being creative thinking

[SecretAgent]

Lmaoooooo@abu gusweyne,abuu leef,abu kacis hahahahahaha best proposal is all ppl above age 30 should be gone wipe out make it fresh start btw do have female names loool like xalimo naasoweyne, xalimo siiilmacan

[The-Screw]

Interesting post.

[Lamagoodle]

Lmaoooooo@abu gusweyne,abuu leef,abu kacis hahahahahaha best proposal is all ppl above age 30 should be gone wipe out make it fresh start btw do have female names loool like xalimo naasoweyne, xalimo siiilmacan

SA, you need to have the prefix UMU... Umu Naasweyne, Umu-s,,,macaan

[Lamagoodle]

10/10 for being creative thinking

Abuu-dujaana; what does that mean saaxib?

Screw; I am waiting for your proposals in earnest

[1nemansquad]

Interesting read.

[Twist]

d)Let us change our male names to Abuu-G-weyne, Abuu Nuuris, Abuu Kacsi, Abuu leef etc to make our wahabi zealots happy and make us feel good

e) Our female names to Umu-sha...muto, Umu-qax..a, Umu-nuuris doon etc

Awoowe waa ku sidee, maanta si baad u careysan tahaye?

[Amirsade]

Every nation has an ugly side. Seems that Somalia's negative image that's being portrayed in the international media isn't enough, we Somalis are addicted to bad news. BBC was our favorite for decades until the diaspora own news outlets took its place. Lamagoodle is reminding us again of who we really are, and most of his understanding is base on foreign perception of Somalia and Somalis. But one must ask, who are the Somali people, the real somali people.

I believe that the real Somalis are a victim of identity theft. Millions of people are claiming to be somali. They haven't fought any war to earn their citizenship nor have they pay any tax. They're no patriots at all and they severely damage the image of the real Somalis.

Somali Memes on Facebook for example own by a Bantu and with out any fear of backlash the owner is collecting all sorts of negative information, obscene images, absurd videos to support his deep hatred against the beautiful culture of the real somalis.

The question is who are the real Somalis?

[Lamagoodle]

Twistow, wuxuu waa sarbeeb saaxib.

Waan careeysanahay saaxib. Beryahaan magacyadii soomaaliga sida Warfaa, Warsame, Libaan, Mahad, Jilicow, Jeesey, Fiidow, biibi, Maana, Miski, Muxubo, Canab, iwm iskaba daaye ma aragtay caruur la yiraahdo Maxamed, Cabdi, Cali, Axmed, Fadumo, Khadija etc ma aragtay saaxib?

Mid aan qaraabo nahay oo sida dhoxusha u madoow ayaa cunugeeda u bixisay SUDEEYSI (horta magacaan baas xaguu noogu yimid?); wiilka aabihii waxaa la yiraahdo Keynaan; Maanta dadka oo dhan waxaay ugu yeeraan ABU/Umu sudeeysi.

Abuu iyo Umu hebel baan la yaaba markaan maqlo; kan ugu yaabka badnaa wuxuu ahaa ABU- QATAATOW mid la baxay. Bal Qataatow iyo Abu xageey iska arkeen?

Amirsade; you are making some valid points except for the Bantu bit. We should not view ourselves based on our own distorted and inflated perceptions. In the eyes of the world, we are a bunch of useless people.

[Lamagoodle]

Read here...
http://www2.hn.psu.edu/faculty/jmanis/s ... sal6x9.pdf

[Lillaahiya]

[Twist]

Waan gartay, sxb. I think it's a new trend we're going through & we'll grow out of it at the right time. Imagine Somalis naming their new born babies 'Michael, David, Abraham' etc instead of 'Miikaa'iil, Daa'uud & Ibraahim'? I think that day isn't too far. Dad xiiso badan oo marba dhankey dabeyshu u socoto raacaan nahay.

[ZubeirAwal]

Don't insult the Abu's man, it's sunnah to have a kunya rasuulki waxa la yeedhi jiray Aba qasim (scw) .

[hydrogen]

Don't insult the Abu's man, it's sunnah to have a kunya rasuulki waxa la yeedhi jiray Aba qasim (scw) .

^ This post is the cherry to the OPs cake.

@Lam

Very good read, I personally believe Somalis should either make up immediately or just kill each other as a whole, have a gladiator battle. The in-between is really uncomfortable.