domesticated girlfriend or wife ?

Adali · Post by **Adali** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 7:17 pm

I have noticed many guys are turning to Mehers to get sex but do not fully commit to the marriage as they do not hold a wedding of any sort, they do not move in with their supposed new wife. This continues for months and years before the lad decides on whether he has the wedding and they move in together or if he just simply dumps her.

do you guys look down on these sort of arrangement, they are hardly traditional, so what is your take, it is Xalaal and fully islamic by the way.

Jax · Post by **Jax** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 7:21 pm

yeah its halal its called nikaax misyar and the women gives up some rights like income etc, its especially convenient for students to relieve themselves :russ:

AgentOfChaos · Post by **AgentOfChaos** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 7:23 pm

Sounds wrong to me.

jamal9 · Post by **jamal9** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 7:27 pm

Where I live, the current rate for mehr is not less than $9,000. Why would someone pay that amount or promise to pay that just to get pinky? If you divorce her, you still have to pay her the mehr.

DisplacedDiraac · Post by **DisplacedDiraac** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:06 pm

Mehar = You are married..
A party doesn't mean anything..

Alphanumeric · Post by **Alphanumeric** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:11 pm

A marriage held by secret nikah in some back alley masjid delegated by sordid "shaykhs" without a publicized walima ain't a marriage.

There is a purpose to the party.

Adali · Post by **Adali** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 9:05 pm

DisplacedDiraac wrote:Mehar = You are married..
A party doesn't mean anything..

Hello DD

I agree with you, but a party means something to some people, and to be fair it has some traditional value, but I see what you mean in that it isn't required.

so you think the people I described in my OP are completely normal ? people who have had their Meher but do not live together months even years down the line.

Alphanumeric wrote:A marriage held by secret nikah in some back alley masjid delegated by sordid "shaykhs" without a publicized walima ain't a marriage.

There is a purpose to the party.

what is a walima ? I never said anything about back alley masjids etc and secret could be interpreted as private.

STARKAST · Post by **STARKAST** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 9:12 pm

Cohabitation is Xaaram. Globalization has f...... up Somalis back home so thus Somali's in the west are just doomed.

zulaika · Post by **zulaika** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:08 am

domesticated girlfriend....live-in girlfriend? a bit of a contrast to the meher only for woopy dontcha think..or did I misunderstood your point?

GeoSeven · Post by **GeoSeven** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 2:11 am

That idea never settled well with me. It just seems so wrong

Adali · Post by **Adali** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 3:24 am

zulaika wrote:domesticated girlfriend....live-in girlfriend? a bit of a contrast to the meher only for woopy dontcha think..or did I misunderstood your point?

Oh dear, I don't even understand your English.

my point is, simply, does society look down on married couple who only have the meher but no wedding and they do not live together, also what is your personal opinion ?

perhaps domesticated girlfriend was the wrong term to use, disregard that I just like to play with words sometimes, I thought of Xalaal mistress but feared that was too blasphemous.

AbtiiDoon · Post by **AbtiiDoon** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 3:34 am

Does what mentioned even happen in the diaspora outside africa? That is a africa ting bro.

No one can afford to pay for the mehr round here and act like that.

Off the top off my head I can name 10 couples that aint had no party, just the mehr. It aint looked down upon bro. Don't know about the not living together thing tho.

Adali · Post by **Adali** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 3:42 am

gubta wrote:Does what mentioned even happen in the diaspora outside africa? That is a africa ting bro.

No one can afford to pay for the mehr round here and act like that.

Off the top off my head I can name 10 couples that aint had no party, just the mehr. It aint looked down upon bro. Don't know about the not living together thing tho.

thanks for your response bro.

well it is a trending phenomenon here in Europe, I know about 6 who are doing this, they are all under 25 and more people my age are doing this, I was just wondering if there would be any stigma associated with this practice.

personally I see nothing wrong with it, but I just wanted to hear what Snet had to say about this matter.

Sheikh Mustafa · Post by **Sheikh Mustafa** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:20 am

Adali,

Walaal, its not in the best benefit of the girl. If the guy can get the milk for free without taking any responsibility, he will never put any effort in moving in with her. Also, its will be very sad for a 25 years old girl to loose her virginity in a hotel and get divorced. Most people will believe she committed Zina. Also, it will be part of the girl's history and no one will ever move in with her. Every guy will ask, well " ninkii adiga oo gabar ah kuguursadayba guri luguma xumayn ee aniga why la iigu xujaynaah adigoo garoob ah?". Personally, I won't buy the cow if I can get the milk for free. I would just enjoy my freedom and go over there for the S"ex and come home to chill with my friends. Its so nice to get free xalaal s"ex maasha allah.

This practice has been common back home and no girl ever settled after outside touch.

DisplacedDiraac · Post by **DisplacedDiraac** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:56 am

Adali wrote: Hello DD

I agree with you, but a party means something to some people, and to be fair it has some traditional value, but I see what you mean in that it isn't required.

so you think the people I described in my OP are completely normal ? people who have had their Meher but do not live together months even years down the line.

I don't think a aroos is necessary.. As long as they have a mehar gathering at the masjid were the community could enjoy the food and the girl has a small hambolo at home during the same time.. In order to make the whole marriage public waa caadi..

Don't really know of anyone who gets married and they live separately for years on end.. I remember they did this in dammaj and it's strange/wrong only if their intention is to break it off after a certain time.. But if they can't afford to move in together or the husband travels around for work but they do intend to move in together eventually.. There's nothing wrong with that.

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