My parents sat me down for marriage talk
Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:24 pm
It was a side of them I've never seen. They asked if I was talking to any girls for marriage. I told them no. They then told me they have a woman for me in Somalia and needs sponsoring. They insisted I marry her
I froze. I said get back to me in 10 years time but they started to immediately lash out. "How can a grown man wait so long for marriage? Unless you are committing haram acts?". I assured them that this was not the case but I'm not ready. My mother particularly seemed very upset. She now thinks I'm committing zina or possibly worse in their eyes, that I'm gay. Or possibly they don't want to let down my mother's family who might have pushed her to seal the deal. I could be wrong but I'm not sure why they are pushing it
They tried to sweeten the deal by offering the house to me and the woman but I know I'll get the house anyway since I've been told that before. It was offered numerous times before since they plan on moving to Somalia soon
My main problems:
1) I don't want to marry a lady from Somalia. My beliefs and hers will clash. I want a family representative of my values, not hers. My values are Western. Hers are backwards. I had to deal 23 years under strict religious rules, I don't want to live under that til I'm dead
2) Language barrier: I can't speak Somali and she can't speak English
3) I want to live on my own for at least 5 years minimum before starting a family
4) I'm not ready financially for a family. I don't want to struggle and live paycheck to paycheck supporting my kids. I want a very comfortable life where I have at least 1 year of income in case anything happens
What I don't understand is that there are two siblings not married who are older than me. Why are they asking one of the youngest to marry when they know I'm not ready at all for such a big commitment
I would tell them my preference, but I will be giving them heart attacks
I am,
Abdi "I wish my parents were laid back Djiboutians" Johnson
I froze. I said get back to me in 10 years time but they started to immediately lash out. "How can a grown man wait so long for marriage? Unless you are committing haram acts?". I assured them that this was not the case but I'm not ready. My mother particularly seemed very upset. She now thinks I'm committing zina or possibly worse in their eyes, that I'm gay. Or possibly they don't want to let down my mother's family who might have pushed her to seal the deal. I could be wrong but I'm not sure why they are pushing it
They tried to sweeten the deal by offering the house to me and the woman but I know I'll get the house anyway since I've been told that before. It was offered numerous times before since they plan on moving to Somalia soon
My main problems:
1) I don't want to marry a lady from Somalia. My beliefs and hers will clash. I want a family representative of my values, not hers. My values are Western. Hers are backwards. I had to deal 23 years under strict religious rules, I don't want to live under that til I'm dead
2) Language barrier: I can't speak Somali and she can't speak English
3) I want to live on my own for at least 5 years minimum before starting a family
4) I'm not ready financially for a family. I don't want to struggle and live paycheck to paycheck supporting my kids. I want a very comfortable life where I have at least 1 year of income in case anything happens
What I don't understand is that there are two siblings not married who are older than me. Why are they asking one of the youngest to marry when they know I'm not ready at all for such a big commitment
I would tell them my preference, but I will be giving them heart attacks
I am,
Abdi "I wish my parents were laid back Djiboutians" Johnson