A work in progress - would you?

[BlackVelvet]

Firstly let me just say that we are all work in progress, if you think you've achieved perfection or that someone else has you need a reality check.


That said there are certain qualities which you hope the person you want to be with will have. For example, looks, money, deen, connections. Now the question is would you get serious about someone who hasn't quite attained that thing that you judge your suitors on. They're on their way and you can see that they should, will, probably get there but seeing is believing and it's not a reality yet.


So the question is;

She's what you want but bigger (weight-wise) than you'd like, she's working on it though and she wants to be fit, she's not doing it for you it's her personal goal.
He's got the personality and the basics but he's practically at zero career wise though he has the drive and potential
He/She is a Muslim but not very practicing but it's something they want to improve on


Would you go for it or would you rather not take chances when it's important?

[original dervish]

Sorry my head hurts.

[BlackVelvet]

Probably because the person you like is a he/she

[Marques]

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

[Malachite]

Are you by any chance describing yourself there

[Vivacious]

He's got the personality and the basics but he's practically at zero career wise though he has the drive and potential
He/She is a Muslim but not very practicing but it's something they want to improve on


Would you go for it or would you rather not take chances when it's important?

I will help him ambition wise. I will always encourage him to try harder and be a motivation to him, and absolutely help him become a good Muslim. I will take chances of course but if this doesn't work no matter how hard I tried, then he is

[original dervish]

But by then it could be too late.
Reminds me of a time a girl was talking about mehr as her bra & panties were coming off.

Jasmine..what's up with you?
ps Have I pissed you off under another nick?

[BlackVelvet]

Hmm...DeqaD/Marq wouldn't that put a strain on the relationship? You are with them for who you believe they will be not who they are

Are you by any chance describing yourself there

I am working on it

ps Have I pissed you off under another nick?

I only have this nick how many do you have

[Vivacious]

Hmm...DeqaD/Marq wouldn't that put a strain on the relationship? You are with them for who you believe they will be not who they are

No it won't. When two people are in a relationship, they can frankly talk about their ambitions and goals. This means that they understand and support each other. If I see that he has the potential to improve, there is no harm in helping him become the better person he wants to be. Matter of fact, I would want him to be the best version of himself and knowing that he has the potential. This doesn't mean that I am dictating how and what he should be.

Who they are right now doesn't guarantee that they don't wanna change at all and have a personal growth. You know personal growth is so gratifying.

[original dervish]

Jasmine....only the one.

[BlackVelvet]

You know personal growth is so gratifying

It is. My hangup is on the question of - if you are with them based on them eventually becoming the idea you have of the best version of themselves, what happens if they change course? Decide that they're actually not as ambitious and would be happy with a lot less or if they say let God judge me when it comes to religion?

If you view being with them from the get go as an investment because of what they'll become and it will eventually pay off, what happens if it doesn't. What happens also if it does and you are no longer compatible ha I just realised this is when in the story the man goes off with another woman. That part hadn't occurred to me at the beginning.

[InaSamaale]

Since we're all work in progress, technically yes, I wouldn't mind a fellow work in progress.

Everyone has deal breakers and other qualities they "wouldn't mind.." a prospective to have. Problems may arise when people are only into the 'idealized' version of another rather than the current, due to it harbouring long-term resentment. This I believe is when a person compromises on deal breakers and accepts it as 'work in progress'. One should be satisfied with the imperfections, lacking in wealth/material items and possible virtues of the other party.

[Vivacious]

It is. My hangup is on the question of - if you are with them based on them eventually becoming the idea you have of the best version of themselves, what happens if they change course? Decide that they're actually not as ambitious and would be happy with a lot less or if they say let God judge me when it comes to religion?

Oh no. Jas, that's just a deal breaker.

If you view being with them from the get go as an investment because of what they'll become and it will eventually pay off, what happens if it doesn't. What happens also if it does and you are no longer compatible ha I just realised this is when in the story the man goes off with another woman. That part hadn't occurred to me at the beginning.

If it doesn't pay off then he should sit down so that I see the next man behind him.

But in the case where he ends up with an other woman after my hard work pays off, I think I will just kill him. (Kidding) . But that's just too painful to endure. And this always happens to women who have helped their husbands reach for the stars.

Anyway Jas, I must say you think too much.

[SummerRain]

Jas
Since we all are work in progress, I say go with what you see now in him and leave the rest for the days ahead. We plan but God also plans for us. The important thing is what qualities he has now that you see and his accomplishments thus far and the potential he can reach, but it's just too risky to go with just what he could be.

Ps I see AW back ten years ago in you and sadly he hasn't made much progress in this dept either till today. He is still posed and consumed with the same thoughts


I pray to GOD he doesn't read this

[500ml]