Marriage: Compromise vs. Submission

[BlackVelvet]

Okay I can't stop, sue me.


What is the difference really between compromising and submitting in a relationship? When you take away the connotations one being positive and the other negative, aren't they by and large the same thing?

If you go into a relationship, do you have any chance of making it if you have strong reservations about allowing someone to have a say which is equal to or perhaps the deciding vote on issues which until that point you had sole responsibility over?

Is submitting to someone else's views, priorities, decisions part and parcel of being in a relationship? Is calling it "compromising" just a way of sugar coating having your freedom taken from you in exchange for children/money/companionship or whatever reason you got married? Is it possible to be married while maintaining your sovereignty over your life and decisions. Do you expect your spouse to submit to you and see nothing wrong with it or are you willing to and see nothing wrong with submitting?

[technogc]

What? How do you submit to someone's views?

[BlackVelvet]

Actions stem from your views on life don't they? From your dress sense to where you live and what kind of holidays you go on.

[zumaale]

Again .

Depending on your school of thought. For instance, a man who adheres to traditional values, there is nothing more emasculating than depending on a woman when it comes to financially maintaining a household. However, can a man sustain a family in London with one income? It is a catch22 situation if a man wants to do it all by himself, you either have lie to the council if you do not earn enough or pay extortionate rents to a landlord. If you are in a high income bracket, it can be done but you are then tempted to get a mortgage and as we all know that is like fornicating with your hooyo because of the interest involved. So, it is submission on the part of a traditional or religious man who does not want his wife mixing with non muhrams to ask her to go out into and help bring the suuqar home.

[PrinceDaadi]

Islaantaan waxaa u malaynaa arimahaan in ey ku khafiifto!

Compromise happens in everyday life not only in marriage.

you have asked a lot of questions but to sum them up in every family there must be a someone who is the head of the family, so even when compromise fails makes the final decision.

[BlackVelvet]

mortgage and as we all know that is like fornicating with your hooyo

Islaantaan waxaa u malaynaa arimahaan in ey ku khafiifto!

I am not sure what that means

When you say "even when compromise fails makes the final decision" that is in essence my question. Are you okay with deferring that decision/responsibility to someone else?

[zumaale]

mortgage and as we all know that is like fornicating with your hooyo

Islaantaan waxaa u malaynaa arimahaan in ey ku khafiifto!

I am not sure what that means

When you say "even when compromise fails makes the final decision" that is in essence my question. Are you okay with deferring that decision/responsibility to someone else?

Jasmine, I was not being my crude alter ego with that statement. There is a hadith that was classified as Saheeh by Al-Albani Yarxamahu Allah which states that interest transactions are like fornicating with one's mother. Pardon me if made you swear.

http://islamqa.info/en/39829.

[BlackVelvet]

Very disturbing but okay then.

[AhlulbaytSoldier]

Okay I can't stop, sue me.

[zumaale]

Jasmine, but looking at your question from a female's perspective I would argue marriage cannot be sugar coated as a relationship of compromise. Yes the wife has rights in Islam but at its core, it is bloody submission! A wife owes obedience to your husband and if you are a proud independent women, it is a bitter pill to swallow even though the person you marry might not be the type to exercise that authority.

So, like I said, it depends on your school of thought. If you are moderate in your application of the Deen, it does not have to be submission and you can go against the religious dogma by expecting equality in decision making matters from a liberal minded partner. In my opinion marriage is what couples make of it and different strokes for different folks.

[BlackVelvet]

exercise that authority.

In my opinion marriage is what couples make of it and different strokes for different folks.

That is the truth

[LightAtNight]

@Jasmin
The idea that your freedom will be curtailed in itself feels disturbing. We as human beings value our personal autonomy. Yes compromises exist but you can only get so far with it. There is a point where you might feel your up against the wall and can take no more. I am very sympathetic to our Somali women, whom I feel put up with husbands who have near dictatorial powers even in matters that involve only the wife in some cases. This is tyranny that no one can live under. I know its not the same as it use to be, well at least in the west, God knows what women is remote villages in Somalia go through. I would rather be single forever than live with a person like that.
In selecting a spouse, you should look for someone who is very understanding and reasonable, who has empathy and can put himself in other peoples shoes or understand where your coming from. Basically a very human and caring person. If Allah grants you that, your set for life.

[BlackVelvet]

someone who is very understanding and reasonable, who has empathy and can put himself in other peoples shoes or understand where your coming from. Basically a very human and caring person.

Very beautifully phrased

[waraabe251]

i want the female to take charge in bed, i am tired of them lying down like a potato with no movement

[jamal9]