To Compromise or Not to Compromise ...

[MissFiora]

I've been seeing this Farax for a bit he's got some qualities and virtues that are rare to come by nowadays. There are aspects of him that I appreciate and have come to love. However, we bumped heads today cause he lives and works in another city. He drives down for about an hour once a week to see me cause we both lead very busy/hectic lives. He messaged me last night ..talking about naa hee dheh u have to start driving down to see me, I went apeshit on him. Anigu, I am an old fashion gal, I want to be courted. So he apologized and said he will drive down to see me from now on.

After I sorted him out. I got to thinking ...I'm I being selfish? Should I have such expectations? The way I see it is I'm a poor girl oo iska xamaali ah, who is trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents. I don't want to drive for 1hr on my weekend asaga aya nin ah he should do it! After our conversation, I felt guilty for about 5 seconds and went on my merry way. The fella is a decent human being ..I care about him and I don't want him to resent me. Should I compromise? Or should I continue to hold him to Araweelo standards ..these tuufax Xalimos are making my life difficult! If they just maintained some standards,bloody hell!

Your sincere advice is welcome ..ur cheeky troll comments aren't.

Ciao for now.

[Libix]

loooooooooooooooool@these tufaax xaliimos! allah beerka!! hahahahahahahahah



And yes, jidki caraweelo maahe wax kale ha hakusocon.

[Venusta]

No compromises before marriage.

[Methylamine]

1 hour isn't even that long, but if one weekend I wasn't able to make it for some reason and my girl refused to come down I'd be annoyed.

[YummyMummy]

Depends if it's serious. Why not, once in a while?
All the best

[eliteSomali]

You sound very selfish. You both want the same thing, assuming you are not wasting each other's time so what is wrong with you going there once in a while? Typical Somali girl.

[Tuushi]

U do sound kinda selfish. The old fashioned feminist in me wants to say "yay girl" but he does sound like a decent guy who voiced his desire.


Which is a good thing. Some people u need to read their mind.

[Twist]

Hope that things work out for the two of you & that you have a wonderful relationship. But, in the event that he finds someone who is more compatible with him and willing to comprise (or even better, someone who lives near him) and drops your ass, don't wonder what went wrong cuz it takes two to tango and one can only put up with certain bullshit until they get tired, give up and move on. That's my advice.

[MissFiora]

Y.M, we are pretty serious. I just feel like if I compromise on things he used to do happily, then he might start slacking in other departments.

Elite, What do you mean by typical Somali girl?

Tuushi, getting him to communicate is a struggle ..I've been working on him he's improved considerably.

Twist that's some real advice lakin I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I don't whine and complain about cooking for him every Saturday so he has meals during the week. I do my womanly duties he should be able to drive down every weekend without crying about how its too hectic for him *rolls eyes*

[Lamagoodle]

I think comprising is the fuel in a relationship. This is in particular true for before marriage because you are married you are stuck.

“Honesty” is the keyword when it comes to courting. Too often, human beings tend to exaggerate their standings (financial, academic clout etc) and like a good salesperson act in a manner that is different than what they really are.

There is an old somali saying “naag beena waa lagu xero geliyaa, runna waa lagu dhaqaa” which captures the psyche of many somalis (men and women). Once hormonal needs are satisfied and there is no going back, the relationship hits rock bottom and there is no turning back. The promised utopia is not there.

In the diaspora, things are different; women have economic power and are generally more educated than men. Knowledge has become ubiquitous and is no longer the monopoly of a few. It is a partnership. All these adds to new challenges relating to choice; courting and marriage is no longer an endeavour that is shaped and imposed by the man. The somali woman is no longer readied to ingratiate and marry a man that will cherish her with bounties; not to mention to realise a societal expectation.

There are anomalies out there. You sound as a somali, who, on the one hand, has a modern mind-set i.e. making choices by dating and, the universal classical xaawaley “ suuro” which translates to be nurtured according to tradition.

I think, in the long run, your relationship will gain a lot if both of you put 50% ( money, time, etc) which is what compromising is all about. We live in a world in which traditions are defied. Putting an equal number of time, money, etc will prove to be a defining moment when you pass past the “courting stage” and tie the knot. It will make the relationship equivalent and not just a superficial endeavour .

From a grumpy old uncle….

P.s do not forget to invite uncle Marx to your wedding

[Tuushi]

That is the thing. Maybe it is a personality thing but communication is really important.People need to use their words.Most of us arent good at hints and sensing whats in their mind.

[MissFiora]

I think comprising is the fuel in a relationship. This is in particular true for before marriage because you are married you are stuck.

“Honesty” is the keyword when it comes to courting. Too often, human beings tend to exaggerate their standings (financial, academic clout etc) and like a good salesperson act in a manner that is different than what they really are.

There is an old somali saying “naag beena waa lagu xero geliyaa, runna waa lagu dhaqaa” which captures the psyche of many somalis (men and women). Once hormonal needs are satisfied and there is no going back, the relationship hits rock bottom and there is no turning back. The promised utopia is not there.

In the diaspora, things are different; women have economic power and are generally more educated than men. Knowledge has become ubiquitous and is no longer the monopoly of a few. It is a partnership. All these adds to new challenges relating to choice; courting and marriage is no longer an endeavour that is shaped and imposed by the man. The somali woman is no longer readied to ingratiate and marry a man that will cherish her with bounties; not to mention to realise a societal expectation.

There are anomalies out there. You sound as a somali, who, on the one hand, has a modern mind-set i.e. making choices by dating and, the universal classical xaawaley “ suuro” which translates to be nurtured according to tradition.

I think, in the long run, your relationship will gain a lot if both of you put 50% ( money, time, etc) which is what compromising is all about. We live in a world in which traditions are defied. Putting an equal number of time, money, etc will prove to be a defining moment when you pass past the “courting stage” and tie the knot. It will make the relationship equivalent and not just a superficial endeavour .

From a grumpy old uncle….

P.s do not forget to invite uncle Marx to your wedding

Wow! You hit the nail on the head and have given me a lot to think about Abti Jaale. I am a modern day Araweelo. However, I hang unto traditional courtship ideals because I've been programmed to believe that is how you determine whether a man will make a good spouse or not. I*Sigh*

I will try and compromise ..i'll see how far it gets me. Thanks for the advice people ..I appreciate it <3

[Stuckon21]

Oo mu ku qaba when you are doing a one hr drive mission for him?

Wadh wadh sheeko ayu haya.

[MissFiora]

LMAO Stuckon listening to abti Jaale and the compromise crew might get me hitched ...bal iga amu no judging I will keep you posted Insha'Allah

[Stuckon21]

Lol keep us updated InshAllah