Why is it a taboo for a Somali Father

[Sumubaridi]

Why is it a taboo for a somali father to help his daughter getting married ( looking for a suiter for her, paying the marriage cost etc) but something to be proud of to look for a wife for his sons? Does it mean the somali fathers hate their daughters to not care about their desires? The girl has a short fertile life period than the boys and I think the father has more obligation to help the girl than the boy. I mean why help one child and not the other child?

[gegiroor]

What is wrong with her? She needs to develop the social skills to meet men and choose the right guy.

I remember after the eid prayers in Somalia, one Somali father saying he has a daughter and he would like to have a pious Muslim to marry her. He even offered to help pay the cost of the meher and wedding. Well, all of the men near me look at each other, and some whispered "what is that we're getting into if we volunteer". Some even went further and stated, "what if she is handicap?"

There is also what is called "isasiin" in Somalia where father used to agree to get his daughter marry another man without first consulting her. That culture is being challenged now where people are understanding the deen more nowadays, and where young girls are saying no to their daddies that they are not gonna marry the guy, especially, if they don't want the guy.

I remember in early 2000s, this guy coming to me and telling me you go to school, you work, why don't you just get married. He went on and stated there are young, beautiful girls that just need a husband. I knew the guy's sister was dating with a guy that her brothers did not want her to be with. I made sure I kept my distance from that guy. Why do I need to be allured to a woman who is already with another guy? I also knew the other guy who has been going out with that girl. Gee, that girl did not marry that guy but later married a jerk who mistreated her and left her with 2 kids.

To get back to your question, in nomadic life-style, the fathers help it, but it is being challenged now. In cities, it is not accepted norm for a daddy to seek a suitable mate for his daughter. It is not hate; it is just that Somali women, especially in cities, have never been in a situation where their daddies need to shop for them.

Btw, are you a woman and need your daddy's help?

[Sumubaridi]

What is wrong with her? She needs to develop the social skills to meet men and choose the right guy.

I remember after the eid prayers in Somalia, one Somali father saying he has a daughter and he would like to have a pious Muslim to marry her. He even offered to help pay the cost of the meher and wedding. Well, all of the men near me look at each other, and some whispered "what is that we're getting into if we volunteer". Some even went further and stated, "what if she is handicap?"

There is also what is called "isasiin" in Somalia where father used to agree to get his daughter marry another man without first consulting her. That culture is being challenged now where people are understanding the deen more nowadays, and where young girls are saying no to their daddies that they are not gonna marry the guy, especially, if they don't want the guy.

I remember in early 2000s, this guy coming to me and telling me you go to school, you work, why don't you just get married. He went on and stated there are young, beautiful girls that just need a husband. I knew the guy's sister was dating with a guy that her brothers did not want her to be with. I made sure I kept my distance from that guy. Why do I need to be allured to a woman who is already with another guy? I also knew the other guy who has been going out with that girl. Gee, that girl did not marry that guy but later married a jerk who mistreated her and left her with 2 kids.

To get back to your question, in nomadic life-style, the fathers help it, but it is being challenged now. In cities, it is not accepted norm for a daddy to seek a suitable mate for his daughter. It is not hate; it is just that Somali women, especially in cities, have never been in a situation where their daddies need to shop for them.

Btw, are you a woman and need your daddy's help?

Maya I am male. Its just that, I see injustice when a father looks for a wife for his son and pays the cost without looking for a husband for his daughter. They are both his children and he has an obligation to help both.

[Basra-]

Sumu dear


The Somali father is a primitive dog. (No disrespect to your beloved and one hopes lovely father). At the end of the day, he is a man. He thinks like a man. Aside from the cultural issue-- where Fathers value sons more than daughters----Somali father will not actively go out to look for a son in law. U know why?? Son---wax buu wasaa------Laakiinse----a daughter ---wala wasaa----NO FATHER wants to be part of that yaaqee! In his fatherly and manly primitive thinking, its disgusting. The story geg shared up there is very accurate. A father would rather have his daughter married to a hyper religious man because in away, I don't know, the wadaad husband blesses the waasmo--or the waasmo is not so much aggressive, because wadaads tend to be lazy, more interested in hereafter than now, I mean, in the bedroom, or I don't know--it is safe and all cutesy. A father will proudly go to his buddies in the nearby Starbucks and brag about his son getting his wife pregnant. But his daughter--the topic will not be mentioned at all, or if it does--her baby is already two year old by then and even then--it will be casually brought up under the guise of bashing his son in laws qabil.

[BlackVelvet]

You can find phrases like "gabar fiican aan kuu haaya" and "gabarteyda waan ku siiye" in the Somali context


That shows it's not taboo so I would have to agree with gerigoor's reasoning. It is weird to give a girl away like that but in the old country it wasn't a bad thing since obviously the father has his daughter's best interest at heart. Lakin today even when fathers are approached they generally say thing like "dalinyarada maleysku qasbi karro" i.e. if you want my daughter your son is going to have to impress her


There is another word which is "naadis/naadin" that's when you go out and say that you have a girl and who wants to marry her.That's terrible because it's like you want to get rid of her and you're struggling to find interested parties. Interestingly enough I am not sure "naadis" can apply to a male...


So long answer short, no it's not taboo, especially when done in the traditional sense, nadiis is ceeb and you are right in that there is double standards it's "gabar haloo doono" not "wiil haloo doono"


Why? Basra is probably right. People say xaas ayu uu baahanyahay all the time have you ever heard of nin ey uu baahantahay? Unless it's an insult people don't generally say that

[MujahidAishah]

Basra iyo wasmo maxa kala haysta

[Basra-]

BB

Also, the father has a vested interest to have his son married to further his lineage. There is a bonding and equal interest between father and son. A Daughter is viewed as furthering some other qabil and mans name, nothing in it for the father to actively look for a husband.

[Basra-]

Basra iyo wasmo maxa kala haysta

Maa ila aragteey walaal?

[BlackVelvet]

Yes but there is the idea of her getting someone to protect and provide for her when he's no longer around. Children and a family of her own, that's what's in it for him


Assuming of course that he's the kind of father that cares

[zidane88]

Nin baa la yidhi masjidka ka istaagey oo yidhi gabadh yar ayaan leeyahaye yaan ku meheriya, markuu 3 jeer ku celceliyay ayuu wiil jareerweyne ah farta taagay uu yidhi "adeer aniga" ,odeygi oo careysan ayaa ku jawaabey " war masaajidka ciyaarta ka daa".

[Basra-]

BB

Never. This reason never occurs on the father. As Somalis we believe in "Calaaf" God saw provides. Not to mention, the extended community family system is conducive in Somali lifestyle and household. Father would care less actually. It is the mother who cares--and mostly because of the stigma of having an unmarried daughter without children. Walaahi--this is harsh I know-- but fathers would care less about a daughter. In fact, it is a fathers dream for his daughter not to marry at all. He gets to have a nurse in his old age.

[BlackVelvet]

In fact, it is a fathers dream for his daughter not to marry at all. He gets to have a nurse in his old age.

There is probably some truth to that. However I would think economics would play a part. The ones who don't care as you say but are in tough circumstances would probably marry her off as soon as possible in order to relieve some of the strain


Interesting thought and you do have a point. Fathers' and daughters' interests don't align in the way fathers' and sons' do. But you could make the same argument in another context. Do mothers really want to see their sons married off? It's not her qabiil that he will increase in number and she loses or has to share her boy with another woman

[bakoorad]

I got two daughters. Always wary about them. Inshallah,, they'll do well and make me proud

[Thuganomics]

Son---wax buu wasaa------
Laakiinse----a daughter ---wala wasaa----NO
FATHER wants to be part of that yaaqee!

Adigu conceptionka aad meesha ku timid ma immaculate buu ahaa

[Basra-]

BB

Exactly. A mother would be happy if her daughter gets married than her son. The son has no pressure from both father and mother. But --a mother is a separate issue from a father. One can say-- mothers have a deeper vested interest in both her son and daughter. She loves them equally. Even though--she loves the son a little more. lol The point is--the mother would want both her children to get married. She is not selfish like the father, they came from her flesh. The fathers only only connection to the daughters in during that waasmo night where the only bother he had to do was make an orgasm noise, ejaculate and he washes up--and that is the end of his care or contribution. Go watch the animal kingdom on geography channel, u will learn a lot. lol