When a man establishes a new family.

[Raganimo]

I have seen many somali men who disown their children from the previous marriage after they've remarried and established a new family. Is this an actual tradition amongst our people or are these just isolated cases?

I know of kids (particularly young girls) who have severe psychological issues because their fathers have rejected them and told them not to contact them. One literally begged her father on the phone and he yelled at her and told her never to contact him again. This dude goes around town parading his new family and wants absolutely nothing to do with his older kids.

The girl is acting out and has become rebellious. I know of several other cases. In some of those cases, the girls have completely rebelled against the dhaqan (dress like gaalo, septum rings etc).

Is this a weird tradition from back home?? Have you guys noticed this as well?

Whatever it is, it's some next level xoolonimo. Just because you've divorced your wife doesn't mean that you've divorced your own children as well!

[Inaayah]

Men like that nabsi bay ka galaan their kids, aakhirka laakin, kuwaahas umbay hoos imanayan. Kinda sad really

[Gaashaanle1000]

That is really sad, and would never wish that on anyone. I think that sometimes parents take out their anger for their x spouse on the children. In Somalia the father takes the kids, and you will see the kids staying with the father and his new wife or his extended family (there are many stories of evil step mothers in Somalia). You will hear of women dumping the kids on their father once they divorce and moving on without a shred of remorse, which is equally callous in my opinion. But in western countries, I think a lot of Somali men feel powerless as governments give women a lot of support when it comes to kids and social security. Sadly I think some women use this little power and give men a hard time. But that still does not excuse anyone who cuts off their kids by choice.

That father you mentioned, is that someone you know of personally? If that is true, then what a sad sad state of affairs. I cannot imagine how anyone can say that to their child. My children are more dear to me than my own life, and I can never understand people who abandon their children like that.

[MujahidAishah]

Your dad is your dad intu hooyada qaaba maalintu fuuro caruurta shaqadooda maxa yada dhashay..

Waxan la yaab kuwa yidhi I'm rebelling because my dad left.. niiga if you rebel you think your dad will give a fuck. Shaqo yeelo and fix up..

[zidane88]

Your dad is your dad intu hooyada qaaba maalintu fuuro caruurta shaqadooda maxa yada shay..dha

Waxan la yaab kuwa yidhi I'm rebelling because my dad left.. niiga if you rebel you think your dad will give a fuck. Shaqo yeelo and fix up..

Objection! I am still the father of my children despite divorcing their Mum, married another and planning not to have children.

[Vivacious]

Your dad is your dad intu hooyada qaaba maalintu fuuro caruurta shaqadooda maxa yada dhashay..

Sadly this is the case for many.

[grandpakhalif]

Such fathers don't deserve to be called fathers, straightup sperm donors

[MujahidAishah]

Your dad is your dad intu hooyada qaaba maalintu fuuro caruurta shaqadooda maxa yada shay..dha

Waxan la yaab kuwa yidhi I'm rebelling because my dad left.. niiga if you rebel you think your dad will give a fuck. Shaqo yeelo and fix up..

Objection! I am still the father of my children despite divorcing their Mum, married another and planning not to have children.

Overruled!

The old generation is what I'm talking the younger generation are rewriting the rule book.. blended families are the normal but no way In hell is no step mum looking thing even looking at my children let alone eat from the same dinner table

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

Your dad is your dad intu hooyada qaaba maalintu fuuro caruurta shaqadooda maxa yada dhashay..

Waxan la yaab kuwa yidhi I'm rebelling because my dad left.. niiga if you rebel you think your dad will give a fuck. Shaqo yeelo and fix up..

your dad is your dad regardless if he is married to your mom or not. and kids have every right to mad at the dad if he chooses to not to be in their life.

I think there two problems, frist, some guys say " gab iyo xaarkeed ba waa laysku tuuraa" when they are no longer married to the mother; take their anger for their ex out on their kids nd abandon them. waar xoolayahow! your kids didnt hurt you, they didnt tell your ex to ask for divorce. they are innocent by standers who will suffer the most in the long term. the rights your kids have on you doesnt end when marriage ends. Thats what many so called "fathers" need to understand

second, There are the qumayooyin! who uses kids to get back at their ex, dont let the father visit/talk to his kids or make it almost impossible. also take the poor guy to court and make his life miserable in order to get a revenge. then he gives up and leaves all of them together. which is not right, but understandable. Now,when the kids grow up, these shaydaamado, make their kids hate their father by saying all kind of bad things about him, how he left them blah blah. What both of these selfish self-centered need to understand that isnt about them anymore, now is the time to minimize the damage/impact their divorce will have on the kids by putting feelings aside and co-parent together.

[Raganimo]

A man is not a man if he can't take care of his children. I can't even imagine how mentally damaging it is for a young girl in her early teens to be disowned by her own father for absolutely no reason.

If her own father doesn't value her or love her, she's going to internalise that and have no value for herself.

These idiots think that there are punishing their ex wives but they end up punishing their own children and, by extension, the Somali community which now has to deal with these confused kids who now suffer from a host of complexes and identity issues.

I would love to talk sense into these fools but knowing Somalis they would flip out on me and tell me that it's not my business.

If you want to see how absentee fathers effect a community, look no further than the African American community.

[Sumubaridi]

Your dad is your dad intu hooyada qaaba quote]




second, There are the qumayooyin! who uses kids to get back at their ex, dont let the father visit/talk to his kids or make it almost impossible. also take the poor guy to court and make his life miserable in order to get a revenge. then he gives up and leaves all of them together. which is not right, but understandable. Now,when the kids grow up, these shaydaamado, make their kids hate their father by saying all kind of bad things about him, how he left them blah blah. What both of these selfish self-centered need to understand that isnt about them anymore, now is the time to minimize the damage/impact their divorce will have on the kids by putting feelings aside and co-parent together.

80% of the case in Minnesota, this is the case. If a man divorces a woman without her wanting the divorce, she uses the kids to punish him. Also, most Somali women do not want the ex to stick around so they can get another man and have their privacy. They make sure they cut him off completely. Other men just chicken out and leave while others are hard headed and will go to court to be part of his kids. Since most of the Somali men avoid conflicts, they loose the kids.

The Smart ones do not agree to the divorce so that they woman feels like she is the one who wants the divorce. He will cry at her but still don't change his ways. When she kicks him out and family convince him to the divorce, he will negotiate that, if I divorce her, she will cut me off. The family will then ask her to let him see his kids if she is divorcing him.

[Raganimo]

Cigaal, what you said about the mothers is definitely true as well. These women definitely do exist. What we need are strong institutions that can mediate between these divorced couples.

This disastrous aspect of our culture will blow up in our faces in the next few generations if we don't do something.

[CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC]

80% of the case in Minnesota, this is the case. If a man divorces a woman without her wanting the divorce, she uses the kids to punish him. Also, most Somali women do not want the ex to stick around so they can get another man and have their privacy. They make sure they cut him off completely. Other men just chicken out and leave while others are hard headed and will go to court to be part of his kids. Since most of the Somali men avoid conflicts, they loose the kids.

The Smart ones do not agree to the divorce so that they woman feels like she is the one who wants the divorce. He will cry at her but still don't change his ways. When she kicks him out and family convince him to the divorce, he will negotiate that, if I divorce her, she will cut me off. The family will then ask her to let him see his kids if she is divorcing him.

i am not only sticking around but i am gonna be up on her arse as long as she has my kids, whether she freaking like it or not. A father shouldnt have to beg or negotiate in order to see his kids. there's something called joint-custody. fathers should take these women to court and fight for their kids. but i would advice them frist, to try to reason with them and avoid courts at all cost. its better to co-parent without following a court order. i would also advice to them to take the high road, put up with lots of bullshit, even bribe her, give her more money, so that you can have unlimited access to ur kids.

[Raganimo]

Men should definitely take the high road for the sake of their children. We need to see the bigger picture and put up with lots of crap. Maintain access to your children at all costs.

[Sumubaridi]

Men should definitely take the high road for the sake of their children. We need to see the bigger picture and put up with lots of crap. Maintain access to your children at all costs.

You are right but what if all she wants is to cut you off so she can have privacy with her men. Most women do not want her boyfriend feel like the ex is snooping around. Its risky especially if the ex has some mental diseases.