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Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:30 am
by WorstofLuck
When I was young, I was taken advantage of by a family member near and dear to me. The person was an alcoholic and to this day acts as if he didn't touch me. It messed with me psychologically. I grew to have very low self esteem, be interested in sex at an early age, withdraw from family entirely, abuse alcohol myself and contemplate suicide. Recently after sitting with a professional, without giving up my abusers name I shared my dilemma. She told me that if I had no desire to confront him or seek justice, that the best way is by moving on. I made the decision to forgive this person because of how close they are to me. I think they think I forgot. He has been mean to me my entire life. Almost as if I did something bad to him. I didn't forgive them only because of our closeness. I forgave him cause I wanted inner peace. One thing I learned after talking to a support group about it, is that many somali women were abused by relatives as kids. And its just swept under the rug.

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 6:00 am
by WorstofLuck
PanSomaliNationalist wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:48 am You seem horny tbh just get married and have sec daily
How is telliing my story being horny?

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:56 am
by xiimaaya
WorstofLuck wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:30 am When I was young, I was taken advantage of by a family member near and dear to me. The person was an alcoholic and to this day acts as if he didn't touch me. It messed with me psychologically. I grew to have very low self esteem, be interested in sex at an early age, withdraw from family entirely, abuse alcohol myself and contemplate suicide. Recently after sitting with a professional, without giving up my abusers name I shared my dilemma. She told me that if I had no desire to confront him or seek justice, that the best way is by moving on. I made the decision to forgive this person because of how close they are to me. I think they think I forgot. He has been mean to me my entire life. Almost as if I did something bad to him. I didn't forgive them only because of our closeness. I forgave him cause I wanted inner peace. One thing I learned after talking to a support group about it, is that many somali women were abused by relatives as kids. And its just swept under the rug.

This is very common. You are not unique in that situation. Marka it's great you moved on but it's very dangerous to connect that incident with lack of finding a partner or alcoholism. You just developed a taste for alcohol and party.. :lol:

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:11 am
by WiredForGood
WorstofLuck wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:30 am When I was young, I was taken advantage of by a family member near and dear to me. The person was an alcoholic and to this day acts as if he didn't touch me. It messed with me psychologically. I grew to have very low self esteem, be interested in sex at an early age, withdraw from family entirely, abuse alcohol myself and contemplate suicide. Recently after sitting with a professional, without giving up my abusers name I shared my dilemma. She told me that if I had no desire to confront him or seek justice, that the best way is by moving on. I made the decision to forgive this person because of how close they are to me. I think they think I forgot. He has been mean to me my entire life. Almost as if I did something bad to him. I didn't forgive them only because of our closeness. I forgave him cause I wanted inner peace. One thing I learned after talking to a support group about it, is that many somali women were abused by relatives as kids. And its just swept under the rug.

Suppose nothing you mentioned happened to you and you still abused alcohol and slept around? What would you have done to correct the situation and give up alcohol abuse and dangerous sexual practices? Wouldn't you take steps to achieve that goal? You can do the same here and now without continuing the risky life style and justify it for what happened in the past to you. Why you ask? for your own health and stability in life. If you don't help yourself gain happiness in life and be safe, no one else can do that for you ever.

You own your life and have responsibility to protect that life given to you by God. Life in it of itself is a gift and every day you wake up healthy and able to walk, eat, smile, and do what pleases you is something many don't experience in the world. Imagine if you are bed ridden and you can not make the bathroom trip? Think an inability to take a shower and smell good? Focus on the good things going for you and the opportunities you have to do something better for yourself. The limit is the one you put on yourself really. Things can always be worse in life. Seeing the good and reminding yourself the responsibility you have to keep yourself safe, happy and live responsibly should be your priority.

Many men and women abuse alcohol and engage in risky sexual behavior and non of them were abused as children. It is best when an adult takes responsibility for themselves and try their best to live a good life instead of living through grievances to ruin their life.

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:43 am
by Adali
This isn't helpline, what do you want us to say to you ? I hope you find the help that you need but you do realize this is Snet right ?

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 2:11 pm
by WorstofLuck
xiimaaya wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:56 am
WorstofLuck wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:30 am When I was young, I was taken advantage of by a family member near and dear to me. The person was an alcoholic and to this day acts as if he didn't touch me. It messed with me psychologically. I grew to have very low self esteem, be interested in sex at an early age, withdraw from family entirely, abuse alcohol myself and contemplate suicide. Recently after sitting with a professional, without giving up my abusers name I shared my dilemma. She told me that if I had no desire to confront him or seek justice, that the best way is by moving on. I made the decision to forgive this person because of how close they are to me. I think they think I forgot. He has been mean to me my entire life. Almost as if I did something bad to him. I didn't forgive them only because of our closeness. I forgave him cause I wanted inner peace. One thing I learned after talking to a support group about it, is that many somali women were abused by relatives as kids. And its just swept under the rug.

This is very common. You are not unique in that situation. Marka it's great you moved on but it's very dangerous to connect that incident with lack of finding a partner or alcoholism. You just developed a taste for alcohol and party.. :lol:

I think being exposed to sex at a young age is very damaging and can produce immoral and self destructive thoughts. They connect naturally. How you let these thoughts consume you is your test.

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 2:15 pm
by WorstofLuck
WiredForGood wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:11 am
WorstofLuck wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:30 am When I was young, I was taken advantage of by a family member near and dear to me. The person was an alcoholic and to this day acts as if he didn't touch me. It messed with me psychologically. I grew to have very low self esteem, be interested in sex at an early age, withdraw from family entirely, abuse alcohol myself and contemplate suicide. Recently after sitting with a professional, without giving up my abusers name I shared my dilemma. She told me that if I had no desire to confront him or seek justice, that the best way is by moving on. I made the decision to forgive this person because of how close they are to me. I think they think I forgot. He has been mean to me my entire life. Almost as if I did something bad to him. I didn't forgive them only because of our closeness. I forgave him cause I wanted inner peace. One thing I learned after talking to a support group about it, is that many somali women were abused by relatives as kids. And its just swept under the rug.

Suppose nothing you mentioned happened to you and you still abused alcohol and slept around? What would you have done to correct the situation and give up alcohol abuse and dangerous sexual practices? Wouldn't you take steps to achieve that goal? You can do the same here and now without continuing the risky life style and justify it for what happened in the past to you. Why you ask? for your own health and stability in life. If you don't help yourself gain happiness in life and be safe, no one else can do that for you ever.

You own your life and have responsibility to protect that life given to you by God. Life in it of itself is a gift and every day you wake up healthy and able to walk, eat, smile, and do what pleases you is something many don't experience in the world. Imagine if you are bed ridden and you can not make the bathroom trip? Think an inability to take a shower and smell good? Focus on the good things going for you and the opportunities you have to do something better for yourself. The limit is the one you put on yourself really. Things can always be worse in life. Seeing the good and reminding yourself the responsibility you have to keep yourself safe, happy and live responsibly should be your priority.

Many men and women abuse alcohol and engage in risky sexual behavior and non of them were abused as children. It is best when an adult takes responsibility for themselves and try their best to live a good life instead of living through grievances to ruin their life.

I must correct you. I have never slept around. I have had impure thoughts and a fixation on sex at a young age. I was not out engaging in these thoughts. Some were purely fantasy. The low self esteem really triggered my foray into alcohol. There is a certain confidence boost alcohol gives you.

I totally agree with what you said. That is how i have coped in the past. I am in a much better place. Just thought I should share incase any male or female on here relates to the topic of abuse by famiy.

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 2:17 pm
by WorstofLuck
Adali wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:43 am This isn't helpline, what do you want us to say to you ? I hope you find the help that you need but you do realize this is Snet right ?
I didn't ask for help. I merely shared my experience on a forum made for general discussion. I find if so funny wheb people of the opposite sex get annoyed when abuse is a topic. No need to be so ruffled. It happens and it's perfectly okay to discuss. And if it's is not your liking, this forum has many more random topics for you to delve into

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 3:25 pm
by WiredForGood
WorstofLuck wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 2:15 pm

I must correct you. I have never slept around. I have had impure thoughts and a fixation on sex at a young age. I was not out engaging in these thoughts. Some were purely fantasy. The low self esteem really triggered my foray into alcohol. There is a certain confidence boost alcohol gives you.

I totally agree with what you said. That is how i have coped in the past. I am in a much better place. Just thought I should share incase any male or female on here relates to the topic of abuse by famiy.

Thanks for the correction hun. You are okay it seems. Alcohol and drugs are temporary remedies which only help users the hours they have them in their system. When these chemicals are out of their system, they need them again to go through their day/night and to avoid facing the issues they need a permanent fix for. Hence, the addiction.

You write good and come across as articulate, hardly someone with past low self esteem. In general, people need to fight their thoughts that fuel the negative view they have of themselves instead of looking for the bottle to drawn out what needs a permanent solution. You come across as capable person to me honestly despite your past experiences.

So tell me, and I know I am coming across as silly when I ask, but have you found love? And did you end up in an abusive relationship? It is common for women who suffered from low self esteem to never accept someone can see them better than they view themselves and usually end up in a relationship with a guy who is worse.


I hope your life now is much better and Alcohol is not your main source of strength. I am impressed how you avoided from sleeping around considering Alcohol takes away the inhibitions. When women get drunk, many of them end up in some dude's bed.

You are lucky in some ways.

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 3:48 pm
by WorstofLuck
WiredForGood wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 3:25 pm

Thanks for the correction hun. You are okay it seems. Alcohol and drugs are temporary remedies which only help users the hours they have them in their system. When these chemicals are out of their system, they need them again to go through their day/night and to avoid facing the issues they need a permanent fix for. Hence, the addiction.

You write good and come across as articulate, hardly someone with past low self esteem. In general, people need to fight their thoughts that fuel the negative view they have of themselves instead of looking for the bottle to drawn out what needs a permanent solution. You come across as capable person to me honestly despite your past experiences.

So tell me, and I know I am coming across as silly when I ask, but have you found love? And did you end up in an abusive relationship? It is common for women who suffered from low self esteem to never accept someone can see them better than they view themselves and usually end up in a relationship with a guy who is worse.


I hope your life now is much better and Alcohol is not your main source of strength. I am impressed how you avoided from sleeping around considering Alcohol takes away the inhibitions. When women get drunk, many of them end up in some dude's bed.

You are lucky in some ways.


Thank you. I think my ability to express myself through writing stems from the fact that I kept a diary my whole life until I turned 23.

In regards to alcohol and inhibitions, I think because I found myself immersed in a relationship for so long, the thoughts I had never manifested. I had sought out a man who was damaging for me because he encouraged alcoholism, was much older than me. We had an unhealthy relationship and I spent most my teens and early 20's living my life through his. So I never got to explore and by the time I got out, I had decided to stay away from everything and not just him.

Sexuality has also been a huge problem for me and assisted in protecting me from making bad decisions. When seeing the professional I discussed my problems with intimacy and how sex was unenjoyable for me. I could watch pornography and get turned on merely by thinking of things, but the act alone was almost painful.

They then explained to me how victims of sexual abuse and assault often have intimacy issues. Sometimes their minds create painful scenarios or they overthink making the deed itself feel unappealing. In a way I feel as though my intimacy issues played a big part of keeping me away from sex, which is ironic.

There are so many layers to childhood abuse and a lot of people dont understand which makes it very frustrating. When left with your own thoughts, you feel like an alien and when you speak to someone it's just so freeing. I guess that is why I felt the need to dedicate a whole topic to it.

I'm in a great space at this point because I have finally realized who I am, who I want to be and what I like.

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:16 pm
by thehappyone
WorstofLuck wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:30 am When I was young, I was taken advantage of by a family member near and dear to me. The person was an alcoholic and to this day acts as if he didn't touch me. It messed with me psychologically. I grew to have very low self esteem, be interested in sex at an early age, withdraw from family entirely, abuse alcohol myself and contemplate suicide. Recently after sitting with a professional, without giving up my abusers name I shared my dilemma. She told me that if I had no desire to confront him or seek justice, that the best way is by moving on. I made the decision to forgive this person because of how close they are to me. I think they think I forgot. He has been mean to me my entire life. Almost as if I did something bad to him. I didn't forgive them only because of our closeness. I forgave him cause I wanted inner peace. One thing I learned after talking to a support group about it, is that many somali women were abused by relatives as kids. And its just swept under the rug.


My advice to you, to get really REALLY over it, there's is only one solution; do some molestation of your own. :up:

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:49 pm
by WorstofLuck
thehappyone wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:16 pm


My advice to you, to get really REALLY over it, there's is only one solution; do some molestation of your own. :up:

Spoken like a true habar gidir

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:54 pm
by paperino
thehappyone wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:16 pm My advice to you, to get really REALLY over it, there's is only one solution; do some molestation of your own. :up:
Very un-Islamic & inhumane advice. :down:

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:58 pm
by thehappyone
WorstofLuck wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:49 pm
thehappyone wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:16 pm


My advice to you, to get really REALLY over it, there's is only one solution; do some molestation of your own. :up:

Spoken like a true habar gidir

Image

Image How do u know me

Re: Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 6:01 pm
by thehappyone
paperino wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:54 pm
thehappyone wrote: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:16 pm My advice to you, to get really REALLY over it, there's is only one solution; do some molestation of your own. :up:
Very un-Islamic & inhumane advice. :down:

Pray for me sxb I'm at a low point emotionally and spiritually