Don't piss your wife off: JOKE

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1nemansquad
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Don't piss your wife off: JOKE

Post by 1nemansquad »

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic #75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket"
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY THE F... DON'T YOU SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, ma'am?"
(I love this part....)
Only when he's been drinking officer

Laughing
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Post by foolxume2005 »

1nemansquad quote(I love this part).
wait till other people said that, dont be laughing on your own joke.
Okey let me see IT'S NOT FUNNY.
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1nemansquad
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Post by 1nemansquad »

dude i bet your revolting on the inside as well as out

its not my joke you focking idiot, i got (it) thruu email and thought the despondent forumers like your self could use a laugh

Laughing i seen your hideous behind around tryna pick a fight with me but i constantly disregarded your asinine one-liners for the reason that 'waxaa kusoo caan-baxdo baa radinesaa'

say something walashaa wase, you got my consideration you deficiently sought after
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Babygal
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Post by Babygal »

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

That is what I call the perfect wife....Soooooooooo much like me.. Laughing

Got a give her 2 up up
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Post by Galol »

Only those who never encountered the wrath of an angry wife can call it a joke.

Enjoy it while it lasts my son.
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1nemansquad
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Post by 1nemansquad »

Galol, iska waran my preferred elderly 'naa'naab' Laughing

meeqa naag baa ka dhaqaaqe marka qamri dartiis xaarka iyo kaadida kala garanweesey?
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Post by The Arabman »

Quite a funny joke. This joke in a way reflects the current reality in the US. Many US towns, cities & states are facing huge budget deficits in the amount of billions of dollars. There's not enough budget to spend. Some of those towns & cities are on the brink of chapter 11 or have already declared it. The easy money that used to come is no longer. The economy is in semi-recession and has been for many years, eventhough the authorities are denying it and making rosy announcements. As a result, in order to fend off those huge deficits, the US is increasingly becoming a nation of enforcement. Enforcement has become a lucrative multi-trillion business. Police, plainclothes, informants, snitches, traffic officers, parole officers, etc are aggressively executing their jobs with an efficiency rate of 100%. Each year, hundreds millions of traffic/parking tickets are written, tens millions of Americans are arrested for various reasons including petty minor offenses like solicitation and failure to pay credit/debt.
Traps are being on intent and aggressively setup for driving violations along expressways, highways, interstates and even local roads. Cameras taking pictures of traffic violations are being increasingly installed. Nabbing corrupt city, state and federal officials through informants, moles, snitches & whistleblowers is on the rise. The result is you have overstressed, overburdened, overfrustrated citizens. On top of that, the average American is in debt with at least several thousand $ of credit. The situation is even worse for immigrants. If this trend continues, expect civil disorders, riots and uprisings.
Last edited by The Arabman on Thu Jun 01, 2006 8:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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1nemansquad
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Post by 1nemansquad »

Aramban, man that wasn't a joke but the fact that you made it to be a joke was funny Laughing

i got another one

Never Trust an Old Lady

An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Old Lady: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see ... Can I see your vehicle registration
papers, please?

Old Lady: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Old Lady: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Old Lady: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the
trunk if you want to
see".

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away
to his car and calls
for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have
stolen this car and
murdered the owner.

Old Lady: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of
your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an
empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not
have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch
purse and hands it
to the officer. The officer examines the license. He
looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me
you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the
owner.

Old Lady: Bet the lying bastard told you I was
speeding, too

Laughing Laughing
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Grant
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Post by Grant »

Tam,

The Federal and State govenments have not been enforcing the immigration and labor laws for years. This has had the effect of driving wages down. The corporate and national economy is robust. It is the personal economies of the lower and middle classes that is declining.

Hopefully we will see some changes after the next two elections. People are angry.
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Post by The Arabman »

1nemansquad, this other one is even funnier.

Grant, I doubt the corporate economy is robust, unless you have been reading about cooked books. I wouldn't use "robust", maybe so-n-so. Some corporate companies (i.e. the air industry) are facing bunkruptcy, others (i.e. Boeing vs. Airbus) are facing stiff and aggressive competition, with others are facing hostile takeover.
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Post by xoogSADE14 »

that sh!t was funny Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Post by dhulka-raga-hantaday »

not bad, both of them r funny.
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Post by LionHeart-112 »

1nemansquad......the second one was tooo hilarious walahi...I knew how it was going to end but i couldn't stop laughing from the time the other officers showed up till the end.
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Post by Mowhawk »

1nemansquad


The second one was funny. A middle aged guy going through mid life crisis was test driving his new powerful sports car speeding beyond the limit till he finds out being followed by a cop car. He continued being chased by the cop, and after a while realized it was a silly idea and stopped the car. The copper asked him, sir, my shift should have finished 15 minutes ago, and if you give me an excuse that makes half a sense I won't book you. The guy scratched his head and said, listen officer, my wife ran away with a copper, and I thought you were that cop returning her to me. Laughing
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Post by GANG Green »

ISKA CAADI'OS up
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