My twelve rants for 2006

[Grant]

> My Twelve Rants for 2006
>
>
>
>
> 1. Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: he's mowing my lawn.
>
> 2. Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a
>seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in
>bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it were a whole
>hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
>
> 3. Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond
>teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
>
> 4. Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
>
> 5. The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice,
>with one Sweet-'jamesn'-Low and one NutraSweet," Ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
>
> 6. Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins.
>ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
>
> 7. If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old
>television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie in the first place.
>
> 8. No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings.
>Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift
>giving. It's the middle upper class white people version of looting.
>
> 9. This one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip
>up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with
>George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just
>some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands and get the hell out.
>
> 10. When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really give a damn in the first place.
>
> 11. Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were >praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
>
> 12. There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of
>this crap at the supermarket, "water, but without that watery taste".
>Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. Now that's flavored water
>



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[Demure]

I don't think that many rants but I will give it a shot,

1. Could this summer be over? It's so hot, and I can not wait for December for my vacation.

2. I wish I knew who was the lady who poops every morning in my office. I sometimes eat breakfast at my desk. And Yes usually after I wash my hands in the bathroom, my apetite is gone.

3. Mother come back!!

4. I would really appreciate it, if they would stop asking if I was Ethiopian or Oromo!!

5. If I see another Somali saying; I'm not black, I will shoot him/her!


6. Little John, and all new hip hop people... DIE!!!


7. UIC, don't fuck it for us now. We can't afford to go back to sqaure1.

8. And Finally, Fcuk Hawiye, Darood and Issaq. I hate you all, Seriously!!

[Cawar]

3. Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond
>teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
>
> 4. Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done
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SO TRUE.

[Ay iisho]

and the moral of the story is don't fck with the unf@ckables??

[Unclebin]

Grant that was CLASSIC

Demure

Why didn't you add fukk midgaans yaxaars tumaals etc?

[Advocator]

[quote]> 5. The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice,
>with one Sweet-'jamesn'-Low and one NutraSweet," Ooooh, you're a huge ******.



Man I am glad I dont work in StarBucks no-more, it's unbeleivable what some people order, just craazy![/quote]

[Demure]

Uncle, Because they were not part of the turmoil or do anything to cause it. Oh wait was that the wrong asnwer?..

Because I'm one. How about that?

[afdhere]

walahi those rants are sssooo funny.

afdhere