Best way to see flying saucers

[itsmelisa]

I asked my uncle if he knew the best way to see flying saucers.
He said, "Yes, pinch the waitress."


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- Lisa

Only The Best Funny Jokes:
[url=http://www.onlybestjokes.com]http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com[/url]

[itsmelisa]

Its not like a joke but it is a kind of jokes
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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "i should be in charge, because i run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because i pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because i process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because i'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.


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- Lisa

Only The Best Funny Jokes:
[url=http://www.onlybestjokes.com]http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com[/url]

[itsmelisa]

Its not like a joke but it is a kind of jokes
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "i should be in charge, because i run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because i pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because i process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because i'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.


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- Lisa
http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com

[itsmelisa]

Caller: Hello,

Customer Service: Yes, May I help you?

Caller: our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller: The Mouse is Stucked in the printer.

Customer Service: Mouse!!!!! How the mouse is related to the printer?

Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, If you don't I will send you a picture.

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[img]http://img107.imageshack.us/img107/9500/73528239yl1.jpg[/img]


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- Lisa

http://www.onlybestjokes.com

[itsmelisa]

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge", whispered Mildred.

"What", said Marge.

"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.

"What makes you think that", asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."

"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn."


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- Lisa

http://www.smsfunonline.com

[itsmelisa]

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching tv, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "where are you going?" He replied, "to the kitchen." She asked, "will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "sure." She then asked him, "don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "no, i can remember that."

She then said, "well i would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because i know you'll forget that." He said, "i can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "well i also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "i don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "i told you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"


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- Lisa

http://onlybestjokes.com